MandyNi

Alright well as it's gone midnight it must be 50 now!!

SecretGarden

Been there, done that over months and months through years and years.

Ok, sounds stupid, but I am visual person and this helped.

Whenever we would be done with a visit, I would count out vitamins in a bowl corresponding with the number of days until the next visit. I would take one each night and as time went on, I'd see the amount of vitamins in the bowl going down each day. I did something good for myself and could see a visual representation of less "days" in the bowl over time.

Stupid, but it worked, and as the times apart went on, I had a nice little routine to fall back on.

It will get better.

~SecretGarden

MandyNi

I like it SG because I'm a really visual person, plus I really need to step up the pace on clearing out the house etc. I think I might just borrow that idea

PepsiChic

Its not easy being apart, we've all been there (well most of us) so know exactly how your feeling.

I did a visual thing like SG did, I bought a big calander, and circles each day to the flight date which i drew a big star around, then each morning Id cross a day off, watching the calander fill with big crosses and the star at the end getting ever closer helped a bunch.

Also keeping busy, make a huge list of things to do, important "must do things", and other little "if i get time to do this..." things. that way if theres things on the must do list you cant do till XYZ happens, instead of sitting around watching the clock, you can pick something from the other list.

I had things like: take photos of all my favourite places in my town, take photos of all my family and friends. write letters to relatives I dont have time/money to travel and see before i leave, take all my unwanted stuff to charity.

and so forth

the days just flew by once i started doing things like that

trolleydolly6

Hi MandiNi, just would like to know how you have kept sane over this long period of time? We have been apart now since November 10 2009 after my being with him for almost a year and it is totally driving me crazy right now.
I admire you and would really appreciate any tips. Have looked at others suggestions and am trying the calendar, but with still no date for my interview - medical on Monday - its still a bit of a limbo thing.

MandyNi

Whoever told you I was sane!!????? My fiance calls me "crazy irish lady" all the time and he should know

Well firstly I guess you're lucky, because I haven't had anything more than two weeks with M. at a time, although we were spoiled a bit because we could afford to travel every two months or so, but still, the absences are tough and I am not really known for my patience.

Tips - well, I'm not sure what works for one couple works for the next, but obviously Skype/Yahoo, emails, and even short text messages help me to feel like we're still connected. For me that the biggest issue - maintaining that feeling of connection and closeness. I suppose what I've had to mature to accept is that even though we love each other and have made this huge commitment to one another - doesn't mean that some days/nights I'm just about to go to bed and tired, he's just home from work and stressed, or nothing much has happened during our respective days and so we don't have too much to chat about or we get crabby and short. That's when I get wobbly feelings and feel insecure and tetchy, BUT, I am fortunate that I am pretty self aware and I know what's going on with my emotions so I just accept it for what it is, park it, and wait for the new day when most often all is fine again.

I suspect many of us struggle to keep that connectedness feeling alive and well - particularly when we're going through what is a pretty stressful period. I also think that the USC may not really get a feel for how overwhelming this process can be for the UKC, the I129F feels relatively easy to complete in comparison to the K1 stuff (or perhaps just once it's done I look back with rose tinted glasses), but personally I think the medical and interview are a bit more nerve inducing. Plus, I do think some of the romance gets sidelined because you seem to be talking about nothing but practicalities, tax forms this, evidence that, copies of this certificate, that certificate etc. etc. However, I also think that for some, this is a good thing and perhaps gives a more realistic about how you may cope as a couple when times are tough - no guarantees and again, we're all different.

My tips though would be, don't let emotions overwhelm you, keep on with your normal day to day activities (you'll be without your close friends soon enough!), expect good days and bad days, and keep the end goal in mind - always!

Sorry that's turned in to a bit of a ramble but hopefully you'll pick out of that what works for you.

Ray

God .. you really are a sick women .....

MandyNi

Oh Ray ............. you say the nicest things

jeepgirluk

SecretGarden's idea was great. I had a calendar on my fridge and the first thing I did each morning was cross the previous day off. Watching the weeks disappear helped. Time really does go quite quickly.

trolleydolly6

Hi MandyNi, Thanks so much for replying to my question. I thought it was just me with the ocassional insecurities. And to be quite honest we have dealt with this extremely well, so I suppose it does make us a really strong couple and all will be well worth this stress in the end. Now hoping to be back with my man by early July. So getting there slowly but surely.

Your reply really helped me.

Thanks again
TD6

Madelina

my man just visited - we hadnt seen eachother for 10 months while we both got our divorces etc finalised, plus work commitments etc... i was going crazy, and i thought that this visit would "top me up" for a while... but he's only been gone a week and i miss him morrrrrrrrrreeeee!!!!!!!!
some days i long to be a normal couple who go on dates and move in together and... normal stuff!!

MandyNi

Ohhhhhhhhh I know, but let's just concentrate on the fact that quality is better than quantity!!???? Yes!??

andiclare

Quality time is definitely more important than quantity time, but still it's hard when you've had awhile with NO time together. I feel ya.

MandyNi

I know, it still sucks ........ we'll have spend six months apart, the longest ever and I suppose relatively short in the scheme of things. The closer it gets the more impatient I become.

But this morning I woke and though 35 DAYS!!!! Ohhhh shheeeettttt, I have so much left to do

Madelina

gosh i'm having that problem and right now i'm only moving 20 miles up the road! but i'm super downsizing, so that it wont be such a shock when i have to contain my life in a few cardboard boxes to ship to the States and most of them will be filled with lego, hot wheels cars, and things that will make my kids feel secure, nevermind mummy!!
I bet youre so excited Mandy