Octang Frye

"Lots of crazy things happen in traveling. Just last week I was on a train. There was a woman traveling with a baby. UGLY baby! I mean, I'm not one to make comments about anyone's kid -- but this was an UGLY baby. A guy walks down the train -- he's half smashed -- and he stops. And he stares. And the lady says "What are you looking at?" The guy says "I'm looking at that ugly baby." A scene ensues, whereupon the conductor arrives. He says "What's going on here?" The woman says "This man just insulted me!" The conductor says "Now calm down Madam, calm down. We here at the railroad want to make sure that there are no altercations between our passengers and that everyone's trip is as relaxing as possible. Accordingly, if you allow us, please step into the dining car and the railroad will buy you a free meal. And maybe we can find a banana for your monkey." - Flip Wilson

Jerseygirl

We have a jokes thread in The Lounge.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=480360

Octang Frye

Sorry, please delete.

neil

Not all of us hang out in the lounge - it's easier to avoid cross contamination with the Oz crew by keeping away from there, sorry, don't know where that came from, what I meant was it's hard enough finding time to keep up with everything going on in the USA section.

Michaelmike5556

my fav joke this only works if someone new shows up at your workplace .

Get the new guy to start talking about Fitness then tell him to ask So and so (its best if its someone that looks threating) How many push ups his dad can do . Now so and so already should know his role some thing like the following should happen . we will call so and So Joe

New guy : Hey joe

Joe: yes ?

new Guy : how many push ups can your dad do .

Joe: (Starts staring very mad ) ...... MY DAD DOESN'T HAVE ANY F****** ARMS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


we did this to a guy once and he didn't came back after his lunch break we had to call him and tell him it was a joke

cybersecretary

where is this lounge place?

cybersecretary

OMG thats so mean!

Michaelmike5556

it is mean . buts its also F****** Funny

cybersecretary

true!

Michaelmike5556

you agree that means your going to hell with me

neil

I think it's where posters go when they get old.

Hiro11

Courtesy of Eddie Murphy:
A Bear and a Rabbit are taking a sh** in the woods.
The bear turns to the rabbit and says: "Say, Rabbit, you ever have any problems with sh** sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit says "Nope"
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
~Fin~

Octang Frye

I had a variation of this played on me in the sixth form. We were playing bridge at lunch time. An upper sixth guy keeps badgering me to ask his buddy (seated across the table from me) about getting piano lessons from his mum.

I knew something was up, but I eventually asked anyway. At which point, the buddy stands up, throws his cards on the table, curses me and storms out of the room, down the stairs, into the car park and screeches away in his car.

His friend, the one who had pestered me to ask, says something like "Why the hell d'you ask that? Don't you know his mother has no fingers!?"

Everyone else in the room is staring at me and I know this is probably a joke but not quite sure. They got me good.

Michaelmike5556

the best tool in a jesters sack of tools is Epacat i cant spell it right stuff that makes u Up chuck .

This guy keep hitting on a girl that i was with every time we would go to a bar . ...... put a stop to that

Octang Frye

Ipecac. Fun to say.