to go back to the UK (well probably Ireland) or to stay in the U.S but relocate to Atlanta from Chicago. All job driven obviously, but lots of personal decisions involved too. My family is in Ireland, but my kids have been here for 5 years and have a wonderful school and great network of friends. To get the equivalent type of school for them I figure we may have to pay through the nose for private school, especially if we relocate back to Dublin, which is an option.

Anyway, I have spent all afternoon reading thru the threads on this forum and they are very thought provoking. Everyone's set of circumstances is different of course, but here are a few concerns that spring to mind for me:

1. I love the way children are brought up here in the U.S to be much more respectful than what I am used to (back in Dublin) You see teenagers at Church on Sundays (a very rare sight in Dublin) But apart from the religious aspect kids are just in general more communicative, more respectful and just more....rounded than Irish kids IMO.

2. I do think employment policy in the US is harsher, ie you can be fired more easily than in Europe. And there is less of a safety net if you go thru a period of unemployment, especially in terms of health care. Thankfully we are all healthy but who knows what the future holds as we age?

3. I love the space, the bigger house, the feeling that I can walk down the street of my town without fear. I can leave my car unlocked, the petty crime rate is lower.

4. I HATE the winter here in Chicago. But we may have the option to relocate, if we decide to stay in the U.S.

5. I have a couple of very good friends here, but really just a couple and it has taken me a long time to 'find' them

6. I love my famly to bits, but there is always major drama with them. Sometimes I think a bit of distance is no harm...I have 2 siblings, and there is always a bit of a tendency for our children (ie the grandchildren) to be 'compared'. And even though I think my 2 boys are wonderful and they do very well academically and are OK in sports, I worry that they will pale in comparision to one of their superstar cousins

7. Probably my biggest concern is that the move back to Ireland will seriously compromise my relationship, as there are several flashpoints that I can already identify. My Family can be quite meddling, his are deceased so it's a big contrast. I want to send the kids to private school to try to keep up the great standard of education they are used to, but it is a lot of money and I know this could stretch us financially.

8. If we do go back, there will be a feeling of 'the adventure is over' which I think will make us all feel quite flat? I have no illusions that friends will not flock around us the way they do when we are back fro a short holiday. I know we have been out of their lives for 5 years and they have filled that void. But I will miss the cachet of being an expat

9. Sometimes I get so tired of being 'different'. am always being asked where I am from (I know people mean it in a friendly way, but it gets old) Also the same questions and sometimes just when i speak in public like to one of my kids and someone turns to look... And of course just the whole different way of thinking and humor etc.

There are just random thoughts, but just jotting them down has helped me to think a bit more clearly. We need to make a decision very soon, and really I go back and forth so much.

I'm not quite sure what I am asking (if anything!) but if you have read my ramblings, thanks for reading! And of course I welcome any feedback!


Thanks,
Susie.

All good questions, Susie.

One point is, if you move to Atlanta that's going to be as much as a disruption to your kids as a move back to Britain, in distance, leaving friends, new school etc. And for you, of course. I've never lived in the States, but I know the regional cultural differences can be huge, and you're going South.

If you go back, do you have to go to Dublin? Could you go somewhere not quite so close to your family, so you can share the good times but duck the problems?

If your kids are in public school in Chicago I find it hard to believe that you couldn't find a public school as good if you were a bit flexible about where you settle.

As for behavior, I've certainly encountered plenty of bratty, unpleasant, rude kids in the US, as well as the enjoyable ones.

Have you visited Atlanta? I don't know it well but I don't care for it. Can't really say why. Lots of spread out suburbs. Lots of malls. Very consumer oriented. Very hot in summer. Completely a personal experience. Any other options in the States?

Just comments, for what they're worth. But I don't see why returning to Britain is an end of the adventure. We're looking at our return as a big new adventure. An adventure is all in how you look at it.

Bev

No place is perfect. You may hate the winters in Chicago, but does Atlanta have a perfect climate? Or Dublin?

Reasons 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8 are strong reasons to stay where you are.

What's your status in the U.S.? If temporary resident, can you get a green card (if no, you might have to leave whether you like it or not).

Or if you have green cards, you should strongly consider getting your U.S. citizenship, before you even think about leaving. But even with dual citizenship, moving countries is an expensive pastime both financially and emotionally and is not to be done without the fullest consideration.

Thanks Bev and Jaj for your replies. It always helps to get feedback.
Bev, we do have to return to Dublin so are not flexible as to where we settle. There is great competition for places at secondary schools right now in Dublin so thats why I am thinking we have to go private. But we could luck out and get places at a good public school.
I have been to Atlanta (my brother lived there for 10 years). Yes, the summer is very hot, but winter is pleasant. I agree it is a bit 'soulless' and doesn't have the vibrancy of say NY or SF.
Jaj, we have green cards so have some flexibility.I agree I make some strong arguments for staying. The reason I wold prefer the climate in either Dublin or Atlanta is that the winter is not so brutal. I can put up with either a hotter or cooler summer if the winter is not so cold.

Thanks again fir the feedback,
Susie.

In many places, (don't know about Dublin) it is difficult to get a place in a "good" private school, as well as the better public schools. Also, if you are Protestant or non-religious you will need to look carefully at the schooling situation as most schools in the Republic of Ireland are Roman Catholic controlled.

Also - are you aware that the Republic of Ireland is facing the worst economic recession in its history, are you sure it's a good time to move there?


Some flexibility, but not much. See the wiki articles:
http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Green_Card_Abandonment
http://britishexpats.com/wiki/Pros_a...US_Citizenship

Is is so important to leave the United States now? Are you eligible for U.S. citizenship and if so, (assuming you want it), is becoming a U.S. citizen an option?

Yes, I am aware of the Green card restrictions. And I agree Ireland is being hit very badly by the recession. The reason we are thinking of going now is that my husband has a good job offer in Dublin right now. My parents are mid to late 70's now so don't realistically have many years left. Plus my boys are almost secondary school age so its a good time to move now. It is either move now or wait until they finish High School, so we are at a major decision point really.
Thank you for the links you forwarded.
Susie.

I can only say that once you have MADE the decision it is quite a relief.

I can't say that making lists helped as if I looked at things objectively I would stay in Australia, have a good career and nice big house here, but of course will never get the feeling of belonging and the extended family here, which is worth more to me than a media room that I never use.

So good luck with your decision, your mum and dad would be so happy if you decided to move back.

So what do you think you'll do?

Hi Islandergirl and Mummy in the foothills! Yes, I think it will be a huge relief when we make the decision. Because there is nothing worse IMO than being in limbo.

I know DH really doesn't want to go back to Ireland. Just to 'test the water' I packed up a couple of boxes today just spare bed linens and things we don't use so much. And I also went thru the kids closet and sorted out clothes they had outgrown, which I can drop down to the goodwill store tomorrow. Well, when OH came home He got a bit of a shock that I had actually stated packing up. Now he is watching TV not saying much...I know he is sad.

BUT, we have the same story as a lot of other folks on this forum. We have been here in Chicago for 5 years and I still don't feel I belong. We have some friends, and it took a lot of trying to make them, but there is always a sense of being on the periphery somewhat. For example we don't follow (American) football at all (my boys are soccer freaks) so for the superbowl this weekend the world and his wife seems to be either hosting or attending a superbowl party, except us. Not that we expect to be invited to everything but it's just sometimes culturally we just feel excluded.

Do I know what we will do? Frankly right now I would put my money on us going back to Dublin. We hate the climate here in Chicago (well the winter at least, summer is wonderful). And going somewhere else in U.S? Well, to be honest I am just not sure I have the energy to start all over again. At least going back to Dublin we have a group of friends and our faamilies, so we shold feel more included. But I am very nervous that we will realise in 6 months back there we have made a mistake, OH said that if we go back and really hate it we can come back out here again. But realistically we cannot spend our lives hopping between countries, maybe if it was just the 2 of us but not with the boys.

I found a paach of gray in my hair today that I wear wasn't there last month! The stress is really getting to me!

I will keep you posted on what we eventually end up doing. In the meantime I am enjoying reading the other posts on here, both positive and negative. It helps me feel I am not completely crazy feeling so torn.

Have a great weekend,
Susie.

Yes your mind will be whirling with all the possibilities and you may struggle to sleep at night, so it will feel pretty good to decide.

Sounds like you don't have a much in the way of emotional ties in the US, so it may not be as hard as you think - good luck with it.

I agree with Bevm. If you move somewhere else in Britain, not Dublin, then it need not be the end of the adventure. You can have a whole new adventure, and hopefully find somewhere with lower crime and nicer teenagers!

I have never lived in any parts of USA but I also agree that you should be very cautious about believing the lifestyle in other parts of the USA would be anything like where you have lived before. It may be extremely different from one city to another.

Hi Islandergirl and Mummy in the foothills! Yes, I think it will be a huge relief when we make the decision. Because there is nothing worse IMO than being in limbo.

Yes. I agree. I have been in limbo for years.

Ditto. Deciding can be a huge relief. But then after you've decided, you can continue in limbo if you are unable to follow your choice. Plenty of people on here who can't move because of inability to sell houses, find jobs, etc. Once you've decided, just keep your goal in mind and work toward it every day.

True, like the Pantene ad it may not happen overnight but it will happen.

Just be careful not to put too many conditions on it, whatever your decision is or it can seem unachievable.

from chicago to atlanta? you gotta be kidding. if you 'don't belong' in chicago, atlanta will be even worse. i'd rather put up with chicago winters than atlanta summers. you know they had major water shortages recent years, right? waterless urinals-like shortages. on the other hand ireland will seem dirty i bet. everything in europe looks dirty to me when i land. so who knows? i'd go where the money is.