Hi Guys

Really need some advice here. We are hopefully, finally, going to be moving to New York in Jan/Feb of next year. The kids have known about this right from the start and we haven't kept anything from them. My oldest is turning 16 this year and has just told us last night that she doesn't want to go and if she doesn't like it after a couple of months, can she move back to the UK. This is ripping me apart as both my husband and myself really want to make a go of this opportunity for all of us.

I am now really worried that she is going to be negative about everything from here on in. I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who's been through this and any suggestions how to be sensitive to my daughters feelings but try to help her feel positive about this move.

Thanks guys for your time.

You might want to try and explain to her that a couple of months isn't nearly long enough to give a new place a chance, imo!
We moved our son from the place he grew up in and it took a good year before he finally admitted that he had settled in our new city.
I also believe that reverse psychology is a good way to go...agree that you will consider letting her move back if she really gives her "new life" a chance and tried to settle in.
Are you aware that she has to be resident in the UK for 3 years if she doesn't want to be considered an international student for UK Universities??

Good Luck

Hi, We had the same with our daughter, 13, last year. Didn't wanna go, leave friends etc. First day of school we both cried...end of school that day she was all smiles. Has really settled and enjoys life here. Try not to worry they will be fine just wait and see. xx

A 16-year-old girl with British accent? She's going to need a club to keep the boys away...

Thank you guys. I guess I'm going through another guilt trip that I'm taking the kids away at an age where the're going to find it harder than if they were younger. My 2 younger ones are 10 and 12 and I think they'll settle easier. So many emotions at the minute and I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance because we and my hubby are 100 % committed to this.

Thanx for the support and help. It always helps

Try and see what your options are regarding your daughters schooling. If she can stay with friends or family if thats what she or they would like or want, or if you can stretch to a fee paying school.

We came here when our daughter was 16. She didn't want to come with us as she said she didn't want to have to deal with the American education system when she had only 2 years of school to finish. We did a compromise and left her with her friends family for the last 2-3 months of that school year, and then she went to stay with her grandparents for the last 2 years of high school. It worked out very well and the new school kept us and her grandparents informed of progress or problems, which thankfully there were none (problems). The school was just a regular school, not a fee paying one. She did come over to stay with us in the school holidays and a couple of times brought a friend with her.

It can be an awkward age for moving, but as she's almost an adult, get her input into the situation as well. Good luck.

At 16 is there any way for her to finish out her school year and do her GCSE'S before she joins you?
If she eventually goes back to UK the GCSE's will be of some help.

Don't know if this will help because my daughter was 11 when we moved. First of all I really played 'up' the US...what a great time she would have, new friends, her old friends would love to come and visit etc. Secondly we didn't have any big farewells with family or friends before we left...just made it feel more like we were going on holiday rather than moving to a new country. Thirdly we emphasised that the world is a small place and within a few hours she could be back in the UK for a visit and her friends/family could come here.

We moved here when our children were 11, 12 and 17. We have been here for 2 and a half years now and there is no denying that in the beginning it is really tough. Our son who was 11 at the time definately struggled the most. He had the hardest time making friends that were on his wave length - that being boys who wanted to talk about soccer and play soccer all the time. None of his school friends play soccer, but we managed to eventually get him into a great team, and he loves it. Up until about a 10 months ago if we said to him we were going back home for good he would have been happy about it - Now he won't hear of it. It's incredible to see what this experiance has done for him and his confidence. I genuinely thought at one point he would never have friends like he did back home, and I would never see him as happy as he was there.. but all credit to him, he has knuckled down and is loving his life here.

Our girls have certainly had their ups and downs, but they both absolutely love it here. As someone mentioned before the accent will go a long way. Girls (well my girls anyway) are alot more socialable than boys. High school will be a daunting experiance, no doubt, but if your daughter can connect with just one person intially that will help her to broaden her social circle. If she likes sports or dance or music, there will always be an activity around that where she can meet other like-minded people.

My advice to you would be to be prepared for a rocky road. Remind yourself why you are on this journey and what a fantastic experiance this could be for your children. I remember dark moments when I just could not forgive myself for taking them away from everything they had known, all their wonderful friends and family. Now the truth of the matter is they have settled much better than I have. And if it were all to end today, we as parents have given them a life experiance that they will carry with them always - and that includes the loneliness, the tears, the anguish etc but also the triumphants.

Lots and lots of talking and reassurance is needed. We always told our kids that this wasn't forever, it's just a small part of the journey. I wish you all the very best

Bribery - I know it's not PC but worth a shot. Tell her she can get her drivers permit at 16 and you'll buy her a car when she passes the test

Good thinking!!!! You're on my wavelength. The only thing is, she knows I'm a sucker and the list could escalate - but it's worth a shot. I really hope I'm worrying over nothing and she'll fit right in.