SultanOfSwing

Look, winter in the Midwest sucks and there are no two ways about it. Every year around this time I just get pissed off with everything because I get sick of snow within about two seconds of the first flake that falls each year. I wish I could tell you differently but snow and ice are a pain in the arse. I can take the cold, actually, I just hate snow.

That being said, I spend quite a bit of time in Wisconsin and I do quite like it. There are a few things to do but I don't know what part you're in and what kind of a drive you are willing to put up with but if you're three hours from Chicago as mentioned in another post, that puts you either by the Wisconsin Dells, or at least not far from it. Now I have no interest in water parks, because I can't swim, and I've never been to the Dells but I have heard it's pretty decent, even for someone like me who's uncomfortable around water.

But here are a couple of places I have been to and can highly recommend:

https://www.thehouseontherock.com/
https://www.caveofthemounds.com/

You mentioned the 3 hour drive to Chicago, but honestly once you've been out here a while, a 3 hour drive is really nothing. We've driven almost 5 hours (northern IL to Eau Claire/Chippewa Falls, WI) to visit family . A 3 hour drive is generally a day trip for us but everyone's different there. I don't mind it. The longest drive we took was almost 8 hours down to Mammoth Cave in Kentucky (another place I would recommend), that was my first actually long drive out here, it was interesting but your bum does start to heal over after a few hours, so regular stops are a must, even if not for filling up the car.

But my wife has lots of family in Wisconsin, both near the state line and farther north, so I spend quite a bit of time there and I'm sort of biased and I like it up there because we're usually having a nice time when we go. Not sure it is the same living there but I hate snow whatever state I'm in! Cities near to you (again guessing) should be places like Minneapolis, or Madison, or Appleton/Green Bay if you're on the eastern part of the state. Milwaukee's a lot closer to me than you seem to be, so that's probably not practical. They should all have more things to do compared to where you are. Though if your town has a library, it's worth checking out. Libraries are underrated places to spend your time - it doesn't cost anything, you can stay there all day and they are a gateway to clubs and societies where you might meet people with similar interests.

Hang in there until the thaw comes, spring around here can be quite nice. And then the mosquitoes come out

I think I've been there actually

Lion in Winter

Learning to pass a driving test in the US takes about 10 minutes. As long as you can do the written test (very easy) and don't actually hit anyone when you drive around the block on your test, you're in.

But Farm and Fleet? I had no idea they were still going Lots of fertilizer and denim bib overalls, right?

Lion in Winter

How would you know? They all look like that.

In my experience, Wisconsin people are very friendly but that culture shock should not be underestimated. You have to learn the lingo.

Random memory - one time in Wisconsin somebody at a roadside restaurant identified that I'm British and thanked me personally for Blair's support of the US in the Gulf

Having said that of course, I once had to take a round of applause for my country in a South American bar/restaurant when the UK arrested Pinochet

SultanOfSwing

That may, or may not have been what I meant

But holy crap they do, there's definitely a 'Wisconsin Town Centre' look that we don't appear to have here, at least in Chicagoland anyway. Not even necessarily in a bad way, they all just follow that same pattern, and are much more of a grid than small towns round here. Of course, we have lots of lakes to build around that they don't have north of the Dells too.

If I fell asleep somewhere in Minnesota on a cross country drive and woke up in a Wisconsin town, I'd know exactly where I was before I saw a highway sign

I didn't even really touch on the culture shock because that affects everyone in different ways, but you're right that it is a thing.

All my experience with people in Wisconsin have been my wife's family, mostly grandparents, cousins and aunts/uncles, so it was much easier for me and I guess I took that for granted. I got smacked upside the head with my own culture shock in Illinois anyway, I don't think it matters what state you're in if and when it does it.

robin1234

In general terms I completely agree with you. However, Steerpike wrote “you cannot live in the US happily without a car..”. (I’m paraphrasing his statement.) In absolutely literal terms, he was overstating the case.

Look, I can think of quite small US cities that are very livable for the carless. Burlington, VT, for instance. Airport is accessible by bus, your access to the world. Buses to Boston and no doubt other places. Frequent, inexpensive local bus to all points in the cities of Burlington and So. Burlington. Burlington is a nineteenth century city on a grid pattern - you can walk the whole city. Several recreational cycle paths radiate. There are supermarkets, convenience stores, artisanal options throughout. Finally, all national car rental companies are represented, some downtown, others at the airport.

I believe this type of pattern can be found in hundreds and hundreds of cities and towns in the US - not just Manhattan, the Bronx, Boston and Chicago!

Pulaski

Which is what I said, second paragraph, first line.

robin1234

See? You & I agree, again!

Steerpike

I'll admit to having overlooked New York city in my earlier post. I was forgetting that yes, NYC is indeed a place where you can live without a car; a place where a car might be a big burden in fact. A place not unlike central London in many respects. But other than NYC (and possibly Chicago ... I don't know enough about that big city) I'll stick to my assertion that a car is a 'necessity' in the US. Not literally - of course, the OP is surviving without one - but for all practical purposes. I remember people considering a move to San Francisco and thinking, naively, that they can get by in SF without a car ... not so. Even though SF is relatively 'pedestrian friendly' and committed to public transit, it just isn't the same setup as a typical UK town, where buses are frequent and diverse in their routes.

But by far the biggest point is ... for the OP, suffering from isolation in an incredibly sparsely populated location, I'd say having ready access to a car is a vital tool in the battle to maintain sanity.

ETA - on a side note - I used to have lots of visitors from UK when I lived in SF. They certainly got by just fine on a daily basis without a car, but then the subject of 'visiting the sights' came up; "how do I get to the ocean?" "how do I get to Yosemite?" "how do I get to Muir Woods?" (a stunning location just a few miles north of SF). "how do I get to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium?" Even getting to the Golden Gate Park or the Presidio wasn't so easy because the bus system in SF is almost entirely designed to ferry people to and from the business district from the burbs; very little 'cross town' stuff.

Giantaxe

Bet you;re glad you weren't around there when Thatcher ordered his release...

robin1234

I agree.

My wife & I decided to downsize to just one car about five years ago. We live out in the country, five miles & sixteen miles from our two nearby towns - where we go for shopping, libraries, volunteering, social and educational activities etc. This sort of works for us, partly because I spend half my time in England. We do sometimes have calendar conflicts, but it more or less works for us .. certainly saves some money

robtuck

To the OP, it certainly seems like you've compounded the culture shock - not just switching countries, but also an entire way of life.

On a personal level, I could not cope living in very small town or rural USA, in any State. Each State is unique, but just the isolation from bigger Towns would drive me nuts on it's own, and that's before you start to look at the way people live and their views on life, love and the universe. I'm not saying they are wrong, just not the way I approach life and I sure as hell don;t want to end up preaching to people. So, with that in mind I chose somewhere that gave me lots of things to be positive about -

a) Close to a Big City - when I want to watch professional sports, I can (cost of tickets notwithstanding), or attend big events, go shopping etc.
b) A decent sized Town in it's own right - not massive, but enough to keep someone busy f they wanted to be
c) Hot - I hate the cold and much prefer the challenge of 100% Humidity and 90 degree heat over several months to even a day of sub zero
d) A more affordable living experience - I came from Swindon, so I can handle dodgy culture, but moving in the UK was out of question as everywhere within 60 miles of me was more expensive

Taking car of those things has made all the other challenges with moving to a very different place a lot easier to handle. Yes, I get into debates about whether or not I really am an Immigrant (I am the right sort, not one of them), or try with little hope in convincing the locals the NHS plus Private system is actually pretty good. Yes, there are periods where you miss having a nearby friend who has known you since you were kids to have a drink and a chat with. Yes, family meet-ups via Skype are not quite the same as spending a Sunday over their place. However, all the things I wanted are here and I get to see those other things as challenges to overcome (sometimes more successfully than others). I enjoy the quirky differences, probably because I chose an area where they can be just that - they are not big divides. 10-20 miles away from me and it would be very different - not attending a church alone could create some issues.

Have the long chat - my wife and I had one after 6 months of being here - she followed me really and I wanted us all to be enjoying the experience. I think she would have taken your position of sucking it up for too long, so even thought I knew she'd say we stay, we both needed to know what we were disliking as well as disliking. Some of the things we could overcome, some we have to handle, but we are both enjoying life. If it changes, I'd like to think she'd have that chat with me.

kerry s

Thank you for your post. I have had discussions with my husband and if it came to it he would help me get back to the UK if that’s what i really wanted. Obviously i wouldn’t just leave him, specially now that he’s ill. The reason i moved to Wisconsin instead of him moving to Bristol is because i’ve moved all over the UK, i’ve always taken moving in my stride, My husband lives in the same house he grew up in so how could i ask him to take such a step? We have decided, however that a move to where there is more life and a better climate is needed and not just for me.
So here is my dilemma. Do i start the discussion about moving us back to the UK where i still have a house (it’s rented out so that would be another story) and he would get better healthcare even though i may well be putting him through the same issues that i’ve experience moving to the UK? Or make a move within the US and hope for the best? It’s a gamble uprooting him and then discovering that nothing has changed.
Moving within the US is by far the most realistic option i know, my sensible head is telling me to think of all that will be lost if we go back, we have dogs and an art gallery, i walked into a life that he built for me, i can’t just systematically dismantle it. But, and it’s a pretty big but. There is the other half of my head that plagues me with thoughts and memories of home. As i said, i’ve lived all over the UK and where my stuff was that was home, no regrets, never a second thought. Which is why i thought i’d be ok, yes moving countries is a different kettle of fish entirely but i thought i was better placed to handle it but now i’m thinking that maybe you need to do this while you’re young and still mouldable. I was 48, maybe i just left it too late.

SultanOfSwing

There is a Bristol in Wisconsin, there's a compromise for you ...

Only joking, there's bugger all there. But it does get you within about 90 minutes of Chicago though

scrubbedexpat091

I was so confused the first time someone asked me where the bubbler was, I was like WTF is a bubbler. The Midwest also has something called Sweetest Day which to me seemed basically the same as Valentine's Day so that confused me when someone asked me about it.

Oh and the folks in WI could spot my accent a mile away, apparently So. California accent is very distinct to the good folks of Wisconsin, so many times people would say oh you must be from California without me ever mentioning it. lol

There was some hate for IL in WI as well if I recall correctly, nothing crazy, seemed to be the same rivalry type thing Californian's have with Zonies aka those from Arizona.

kerry s

Lol!