Albion2

Hi there - I am havinga bit of a hard time of it at the moment...I have been in Auckland for 3 yrs and have a Kiwi partner. We are struggling for money - I am setting up a business and my partner hates his job which is not that well paid...we had planned a wedding in the UK for next yr mostly to fit in with Kiwi family making it over..then I discovered I was pregnant...but last week I lost the baby at 12 weeks...my mother- in- law came to stay for a few days and was great and friends have phoned/ text but not really had the support I think I would have got in the UK from old friends and my family..we are not sure whether to carry on with the wedding in the UK next yr as originally planned or whether to have a smaller do here - I think I would feel this was second best cos no UK freinds/ family there. But we also want to try again soon for another baby and not wanting a big wedding overseas to get in the way. On top of all this my partner wants to move to Blighty as he has had enough of poor wages and feels we would have more family support there as I have a huge family. He also wants a change of scenery...

I am going out of my mind trying to decide what we should do for the best and that was even before I lost the baby last week which has been horrendous.

Any suggestions gratefully received!!!

woodyinoz

I would be very careful about rushing any decisions at the moment. You have just gone through a dreadful loss and your hormones and emotions must be all over the place.

My only advise is to make sure that you are settled in which ever country before you start trying for the next baby. All I can say is that I have heard that having a baby away from your family can be very hard. For me I brought my young children out to OZ away from grandparents - it is a guilt that I feel every day. Every time my children do some thing eg. ballet shows, it is always in the back of my mind that I wish my folks were here to share.

It would be wise on the financial side to do tons of research. I know that we were better of in the UK 3 years ago, but much has changed and with lower wages and higher mortgages we are going to be worse of than we are here. Still it is where my family is

banjo

Sorry to hear about your baby. I would really agree with what woody has said....it's not the best time for you to rush into a major decision. We're back in the UK, and whilst it is great having family around the cost of living here seems even higher than 3yrs ago. Average house price now £167,000 or so and interest rates going up. We have a lot less disposable income than we did and thoughts we had of cheap holidays around Europe etc. are not going to happen....Having said that - money isn't everything and if you did return the UK still has plenty to offer.

From the personal experience of being pregnant when moving countries.....I would just echo what Woody said - try and be settled before going down that road. For us it was a huge added stress especially we we weren't sure of the system and procedures.

Good luck

lollyno1

hi

sorry cant really give you any advice one way or the other just wanted to pass on my sympathies regarding your loss.

Albion2

Just wanted to say thanks for the kind words and advice. I think you are right in that need to sit on it and get over the baby loss before make any big decisions about the future....

woodyinoz

I expect that this is really the hardest thing to do as all you probably want right now is your families hugs.

Could you take a trip back so you can have some support from people that know you well and show you that they care for a few weeks?

Albion2

That may be a possibilty...will keep you posted..