spuds

Hey Everyone,

Looks like the rollercoaster that is my emotional health is on the downward turn and I am fast becoming a bit of a mess (again!)

My husband has been really good about our options of returning to the UK and has always agreed that we would do that if it made me happy, even though he really didn't want to. Just recently he even started looking forward to it, not least of all because we'd made plans to stay in Oz for a year and get the most out of things here so that we would be better off financially when we return.

I was OK with that too until the last couple of weeks and now I just feel like all I want to do is go home ASAP. We are planning to head back for a month at Xmas & then head back for good late (British) summer 2008 but I just don't know how I am going to wait that long. There were also plans to have bub number 2 over here but the thought of spending another 9 months in my current job inorder to get mat leave makes me feel sick.

I just can't get past this thing that life is generally crappy at the moment and I am really 'over it' as the Aussies would say.

My job is rubbish at the moment and I am still shocked on a daily basis at the chauvernism and neanderthal behaviour that is displayed within a global company like mine. I feel like I am in an episode of 'Life on Mars' and long for a bit of respect now and then. I have just finished (a really bloody hard!) Uni course in Australian Immigration Law and Practice while working and have absolutely no one to celebrate with and no recognition from work for my efforts.

We still own two houses and just can't seem to shift the one that's for sale so that means two mortgages and diddly squat money, despite working our arses off - this has now been going on for 6 months.

I still don't know what to do about my little boy's childcare arrangements. He goes to nursery twice a week and has been ill non-stop as a result for the past 3 months. He loves it there regardless of this but I just don't know what to do for the best. He's been ill so much that I have exhausted all my sick leave in looking after him and now have to take leave without pay anytime I am (or he is) ill.

I still have to go see a breast surgeon, which despite having fully comp medical insurance, I have to pay for and I can't afford any time off for the operation - see above.

I have come to the sad and stinging realisation that we really don't have any friends here. We have an abundance of people we can socialise with, pop in for tea with, swap kids with etc but no one I can ring up and blub to. I feel like I am on my own here all of a sudden. I watched that returning to the UK thing at the weekend and the bloke from Cyprus said exactly what I feel 'we have lots of really good acquaintances in Cyprus but they are not our friends like these people are.' Spot on. My friends are in the UK (2 couples returned there from Oz last year and I miss them desperately) and while my Aussie 'acquaintances' are genuine and lovely people, they aren't what I need right now.

Through all this I am really afraid that I am pushing my lovely hubby away. He is so good and supportive and all I seem to do is moan and cry about everything. Last week he went and sat at the Clinique counter in Myer and endured a skincare consultation just so that I could get the freebies on offer and last night he presented me with a big box containing the fullsize versions which I had been banging on about getting if we ever sell the house.

I know he's finding it hard to come to terms with the idea of going back to the UK at all and, as I can't shut up about it, I know I am making him feel worse but I have no one else to talk to.

Just don't know how to get myself back on track

dreamcatcher

Hi there,well done for getting all that down.I havent the experience of what your going through but,you are not alone, I am sure you will get some good help on here, and I think being able to talk about it helps.Keep strong .warmest wishes to you

Mercedes

Have you got any friends back home that you can talk to/have a laugh with via yahoo or msn messenger. A couple of years ago I was ill and had a serious operation recovering at home and house bound for a few months and a colleague/aquaintance knew I was feeling a bit low and he was in another country at the time also and he talked to me everyday for months and used to make me howl with laughter. I used to really look forward to the banter and chat with him and I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't been so supportive, because it really did help and he also benefited from it as well.

Maybe see if you can also meet up with some xpats in your area for a chat who may be feeling the same as you at the moment. There seems to be plenty in Oz in various States, so you may find a group of you in your area, to be supportive to each other and maybe go out for a meal or drink which may also help you as well as them.

Keep your chin up, xmas isn't that far away, try and keep busy, your mind occupied and time will fly before you know it.

Big Hugs

krizzy

My best mate lives in Melbourne...I know he is busy...his girlfriends not long had a baby...but he has been in OZ for about 20 years....he is a Brit...girlfriend OZ...but we can't hold that against him...

If you'd like me to chat to him about a met up or a chat on the phone IM me...

Jerseygirl

I think it is perfectly understandable for you to feel this way given your current circumstances. To be honest I think at times of crisis...in your case breast surgery...one always wants to make a bolt back to the safety of their home. I had a breast biopsy a few years ago...our first thoughts were if this is serious we will go home.

I am sure the months between now and Christmas will fly by...until then try to take each day at a time and look to the future. Think what a fab Christmas you will have in the UK...how wonderful it will be to be around friends and family again. This may sound a little odd but this is how I would rationalise the time between now and Christmas. It is now July so you only have to get through Aug/Sept/Oct/Nov...then it will be December...the month you will be going home. Spend the 4 months looking around to take back little keep sakes for family and friends...plan the clothes you are taking...what things you will need to take for your little one...make plans of who you are going to see and when.

Poppy-21

You poor thing, you sound so sad and confused. Don't know what to advise really. Have sent you some karma Hope things work out for you and you feel better soon.

katesbackagain

This makes me sick. Why on earth should people have to pay for important medical procedures if they're fully covered? I suppose our definition of "fully" is different to theirs. :curse:

Nice to know your hubby is so supportive, though. I know how you feel when you say you're pushing him away. I'm doing the same right now, and I can't get myself out of this depression.

I really hope you feel better soon. Maybe your holiday will give you just what you need to withstand the rest of the time you have left where you are right now. Chin up!!

LouiseD

Hi Emma

Just wanted to say hi and to let you know that things will get better - it will take time but try to be patient. At the minute, moving home seems like a lifetime away, but it will be here before you know it. Can you use the time to plan things that you'd like to do before you leave - I know it's difficult when finances are tight but if you could plan some cheap trips to keep you going it may help.

It's really hard when you get down as you just can't seem to snap yourself out of it - if only it were that simple. Like you say it's made worse by the health issues that you have at present. Sometimes it just all gets too much doesn't it.

Take heart though knowing that it isn't a life sentence and there is light at the end of the tunnel and in a couple of years you will be a happier, stronger person.

Jessie James

Hi there,

It sounds as though you are dealing with a lot of different worries, concerns and general crappiness all in one hit, which isn't easy for anyone!

On the positive side of things though I found the following for you:

Your hubby is open to a move back - that's brilliant! He sounds like a great source of support and don't worry too much about leaning on him, that is what he is there for. When my other half first agreed to moving back I was so over-joyed that I did talk about it incessantly and did worry that I might be overdoing it by going on and eventually it subsides again and you just have a warm glow about the future rather than feel the need to talk about it all the time. I know that my bloke would rather stay here so I try to be sensitive to that and concentrate on talking about the future, us and happy plans rather than 'yes - we're off!' all the time.

Financially - you have 2 houses - that's great! Of course I know it's not as simple as that and crippling mortgage repayments are not a joy but hey you are on the housing ladder x 2 and the one that is for sale WILL shift eventually.

Friends - I remember the 'stinging realisation' you describe (and weirdly a lot of our friendships have deepened a bit since I accepted them for what they are and relaxed about it) but at least you do have the support of people that you can drop your boy with, have a cuppa with etc. Wherever you happen to be physically there will always be people that you feel more comfortable having a blub to than others. Don't let that stop you getting it out, just contact those you can talk to properly wherever they happen to be.

Time scale - Summer 2008 seems a long way off at the moment. But I think giving your partner a year to get the last of Oz out of his system will be a good thing and like you say you will be better off financially. We did a similar thing and our year is up this December. There are times when it has seemed like forever but you will get there and remember you won't feel as crap as you do now for all that time. This is just a trough. Another thing that has helped me pass the time and that you mention as a possibility is being a mummy again. I am pregnant with our first and since that happened it has taken over everything. Time is measured out in such a different way when you are expecting and it is so full of little stages and wonders that I am appreciating every moment rather than wishing my last year here away. It also gives a real sense of excitement to the future and making plans. I'm not saying get pregnant to pass the time (!) but if it is on the cards I can only say it has made things much more enjoyable for us both.

Of course I can't find a positive in all that you talk about - particularly work* and the health situation but bear in mind that you have an awful lot on your plate at the mo and if you can tease apart the different issues and do what you can to change / look at some differently you'll get there.

*You might find that pregnancy cures this to a degree too. I am so over my job but have a lovely inner-glow of 'who cares' about me now!

Anyway, good luck and I hope you don't think I am trivialising your problems by looking at the positive side. Not at all, just give yourself a break and start looking forward to a Christmas at home - I know I am!

Yoong

Sorry to hear about your the problems that you are going through.
To put yourself back on track is to take care of your health first.
Got to get well from the breast surgery first and then tackle the
other issues.
You have a lot on your plate and they are all interconnected.
My only advice to you is to allow the new friends to get to
know and help you eventhough they are not like the ones in UK.

You never know their help can be handy when you need someone
to run a small errand to the supermarket or pick up your
child from the nursery when you are recovering from the surgery.

I wish you well and take care,
Yoong