Gone too Soon
Jul 14th 2008, 5:15 am
#16
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,105
Re: Gone too Soon
So sorry to hear about your co-worker...very sad indeed.
Jul 14th 2008, 5:56 am
#17
Sursum corda
Joined: Sep 2002
Location: Richmond Hill, GA USA
Posts: 38,860
Re: Gone too Soon
So sad, he felt he had no other choice. My heart aches for those little girls.
Jul 14th 2008, 6:16 am
#18
Professional Drama Queen
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,061
Re: Gone too Soon
My sincere condolences to all his family and friends. Coping with the death of loved one or friend is the most difficult to do - when that death is through suicide then the pain, grief and guilt is magnified a 100 fold. So many 'what ifs' and 'whys' are left unanswered for those left behind. A close colleague of mine chose this 'solution' to his problems, staying behind alone after work and OD'ing at his desk. He was 22 
It was difficult NOT to feel some guilt and question why we never saw it coming and more importantly if there was ANYTHING we could have done to prevent it. How could we have missed the 'signs'? Why didn't he feel able to talk to one of us? - these were the questions we each asked ourselves over and over again - and truly there is NO definitive answer other than none of us can really know what another person will do when they feel that for them the only choice ( wrong though it is) is to take their own life nor can we really intervene to stop that UNLESS they want that intervention.
It was difficult NOT to feel some guilt and question why we never saw it coming and more importantly if there was ANYTHING we could have done to prevent it. How could we have missed the 'signs'? Why didn't he feel able to talk to one of us? - these were the questions we each asked ourselves over and over again - and truly there is NO definitive answer other than none of us can really know what another person will do when they feel that for them the only choice ( wrong though it is) is to take their own life nor can we really intervene to stop that UNLESS they want that intervention.
Jul 14th 2008, 11:47 am
#19
Lost in BE Cyberspace
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Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 8,497
Re: Gone too Soon
Thank you all for the warm sentiments you have shared. They really mean a lot. 
The funeral was today. Our company has about 200 employees, and about 40 of them made it to the funeral. Many others went to the visitation yesterday. David lived in a small town 90 minutes outside of Cincinnati ... so it was wonderful to see how many had made the journey. During the service we were privileged to learn more about the kind man we had known at the office.
We learned that he was a drama major at university, that he loved Shakespeare and organized many plays in his local community. He also enjoyed history, and portrayed a knight at the local Renaissance fair. I never knew that. So many stories were shared about how he had touched others. The priest read a letter aloud that was sent to the family from a quiet girl in the pews. She had gone to school with David, and had said that she was always very shy, and had never made friends easily. At the tender age of 11, they had become friends, and she was amazed and grateful for his friendship. She described that he'd made her feel less alone, and had given her hope.
His daughters were also present at the service, and were older than I had originally thought, 6 and 7 respectively I believe. The priest addressed them several times, mentioning nice things they had done with their father. Date nights where the girls would get all dressed up and David would take them out to dinner or out for ice cream. Trips to the zoo. How they had planned to go to the ocean one day as a family. I was doing okay until the priest said to one of the girls ... I hear that he made you a double layer chocolate cake for your birthday last year ... with pink icing! Was it whipped cream or icing? Icing! she had squealed with excitement. I bet that was good he had said. Later on in the service he told his daughters that they would see him again one day, and he would make them another chocolate cake with pink icing.
I've never been to a service for someone who had taken his own life before, and was apprehensive about what might be said in a Catholic church in small town Ohio. Much was my relief when the priest opened the ceremony by expressing that this was a sad day as we'd lost one much loved, but that the way he had left this world in no way negated the good that he had done while he was here.
It's a shame that sometimes we learn more at someone's funeral than we may have known about them in life. It makes me wonder at the stories of those around me, and is a reminder to listen and to look for those gems in others.
The funeral was today. Our company has about 200 employees, and about 40 of them made it to the funeral. Many others went to the visitation yesterday. David lived in a small town 90 minutes outside of Cincinnati ... so it was wonderful to see how many had made the journey. During the service we were privileged to learn more about the kind man we had known at the office.
We learned that he was a drama major at university, that he loved Shakespeare and organized many plays in his local community. He also enjoyed history, and portrayed a knight at the local Renaissance fair. I never knew that. So many stories were shared about how he had touched others. The priest read a letter aloud that was sent to the family from a quiet girl in the pews. She had gone to school with David, and had said that she was always very shy, and had never made friends easily. At the tender age of 11, they had become friends, and she was amazed and grateful for his friendship. She described that he'd made her feel less alone, and had given her hope.
His daughters were also present at the service, and were older than I had originally thought, 6 and 7 respectively I believe. The priest addressed them several times, mentioning nice things they had done with their father. Date nights where the girls would get all dressed up and David would take them out to dinner or out for ice cream. Trips to the zoo. How they had planned to go to the ocean one day as a family. I was doing okay until the priest said to one of the girls ... I hear that he made you a double layer chocolate cake for your birthday last year ... with pink icing! Was it whipped cream or icing? Icing! she had squealed with excitement. I bet that was good he had said. Later on in the service he told his daughters that they would see him again one day, and he would make them another chocolate cake with pink icing.
I've never been to a service for someone who had taken his own life before, and was apprehensive about what might be said in a Catholic church in small town Ohio. Much was my relief when the priest opened the ceremony by expressing that this was a sad day as we'd lost one much loved, but that the way he had left this world in no way negated the good that he had done while he was here.
It's a shame that sometimes we learn more at someone's funeral than we may have known about them in life. It makes me wonder at the stories of those around me, and is a reminder to listen and to look for those gems in others.
Last edited by Kaffy Mintcake; Jul 14th 2008 at 11:58 am.
Jul 14th 2008, 9:47 pm
#20
hmmmm...nice
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 27,923
Re: Gone too Soon
so how do people feel about the wife in all this...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
Jul 14th 2008, 11:02 pm
#21
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Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Kansas, USA
Posts: 2,620
Re: Gone too Soon
Very sad to hear this.
Jul 14th 2008, 11:27 pm
#22
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,754
Re: Gone too Soon
so how do people feel about the wife in all this...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
I don't think so, but there again we don't know what the martial problems were, just the fact that there was a breakdown in the marriage, whatever happened it is just so sad that the poor guy could see not see a future for himself, my heart goes out to his daughters & his family including his ex wife.
Jul 14th 2008, 11:28 pm
#23
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: Gone too Soon
so how do people feel about the wife in all this...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
I have a different view on this ..best not said here...
Jul 15th 2008, 12:07 am
#24
hmmmm...nice
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 27,923
Re: Gone too Soon
I don't think so, but there again we don't know what the martial problems were, just the fact that there was a breakdown in the marriage, whatever happened it is just so sad that the poor guy could see not see a future for himself, my heart goes out to his daughters & his family including his ex wife.
Jul 15th 2008, 11:35 am
#25
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Thread Starter
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Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 8,497
Jul 15th 2008, 11:49 am
#26
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jul 2004
Location: Victoria, BC Canada
Posts: 61,698
Re: Gone too Soon
I'd like to tell you about a co-worker of mine who lost his life on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008.
David was a kind soul ... married for 11 years and the father of two little girls, ages 3 and 5. He was a handsome man in his late thirties, always friendly, always patient. In fact, in the three years I worked with him I never saw him cross or angry ... or stressed for that matter. He always had an easiness about him in any situation, a sort of quiet, gentle, goodnaturedness. While he worked in IT at our company at the helpdesk, he was studying for his Masters in order to pursue a career in education, and I have no doubt that he would have made a fine teacher.
When I was pursuing my own Master's degree and had to make a presentation related to IT, I asked David for some input as he had given an excellent presentation related to data security at our company. Not only did he give me his blessing to use some of the content he had shared, David also sent me additional videos and thoughts on what had happened in the past year since he had presented. When my laptop had problems he worked on it for hours when the helpdesk was slow in order to help my husband and I out. I have a Newfoundland (dog) calendar in my cubicle at work - and I remember one day when David dropped by and told me of growing up in Canada and being pulled on a sled by one of these gentle giants when he was little. His face lit up as he recounted the story. In fact every memory I have of him is one where he was smiling ... sharing in light-hearted conversation, or just when passing in the hall.
Everyone loved him. I can't think of anyone I would say was a nicer person, he was truly a prince among men.
This past Wednesday a company-wide e-mail came out with his name in the title. My husband had thought that he was about to read that David had been promoted. A hush fell across the office when we read the following instead: "It is with great sadness that I must share with you that David passed away this afternoon. We have no further details to share at this time, but will relay funeral arrangements when they are available. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers."
Everyone was shocked. Some in remote offices called me within minutes - did I know anything? I did not. As he was only in his late thirties we wondered ... was it a sudden heart attack? A car accident? Did he have an illness either he or we weren't aware of? It didn't seem real ... it couldn't be real.
A few minutes later the head of my department approached each of us individually. While the investigation was ongoing, it appeared that David had taken his own life. The story was that his marriage was in trouble, and his wife was planning to leave with the kids. He had called in sick to work on Tuesday, and the company had not heard from him on Wednesday. His father had found him and called his boss, relaying what had happened.
Once this horrible news was shared, all my coworkers and I could think of was ... that we wished he had reached out for help. That he had let someone know he was in trouble, or what was going on in his life. Because no matter how bad things were, he had many who would have supported him. He was loved by many, and had two little daughters who will now grow up without him. I would categorize myself as a friendly acquaintance, and my heart aches as I write this.
Tomorrow is his funeral, and it will be a difficult day for all of us.
So why am I writing this? Because a beautiful human being was lost last Wednesday. Because my hope is that if anyone out there is suffering the way he was, that they will reach out ... realizing that even if it seems like life is unliveable there are reasons to go on. Because I also hope that each of us will reach out to those who need us, in their time of need.
Because it's on my mind.
RIP David.
David was a kind soul ... married for 11 years and the father of two little girls, ages 3 and 5. He was a handsome man in his late thirties, always friendly, always patient. In fact, in the three years I worked with him I never saw him cross or angry ... or stressed for that matter. He always had an easiness about him in any situation, a sort of quiet, gentle, goodnaturedness. While he worked in IT at our company at the helpdesk, he was studying for his Masters in order to pursue a career in education, and I have no doubt that he would have made a fine teacher.
When I was pursuing my own Master's degree and had to make a presentation related to IT, I asked David for some input as he had given an excellent presentation related to data security at our company. Not only did he give me his blessing to use some of the content he had shared, David also sent me additional videos and thoughts on what had happened in the past year since he had presented. When my laptop had problems he worked on it for hours when the helpdesk was slow in order to help my husband and I out. I have a Newfoundland (dog) calendar in my cubicle at work - and I remember one day when David dropped by and told me of growing up in Canada and being pulled on a sled by one of these gentle giants when he was little. His face lit up as he recounted the story. In fact every memory I have of him is one where he was smiling ... sharing in light-hearted conversation, or just when passing in the hall.
Everyone loved him. I can't think of anyone I would say was a nicer person, he was truly a prince among men.
This past Wednesday a company-wide e-mail came out with his name in the title. My husband had thought that he was about to read that David had been promoted. A hush fell across the office when we read the following instead: "It is with great sadness that I must share with you that David passed away this afternoon. We have no further details to share at this time, but will relay funeral arrangements when they are available. Please keep his family in your thoughts and prayers."
Everyone was shocked. Some in remote offices called me within minutes - did I know anything? I did not. As he was only in his late thirties we wondered ... was it a sudden heart attack? A car accident? Did he have an illness either he or we weren't aware of? It didn't seem real ... it couldn't be real.
A few minutes later the head of my department approached each of us individually. While the investigation was ongoing, it appeared that David had taken his own life. The story was that his marriage was in trouble, and his wife was planning to leave with the kids. He had called in sick to work on Tuesday, and the company had not heard from him on Wednesday. His father had found him and called his boss, relaying what had happened.
Once this horrible news was shared, all my coworkers and I could think of was ... that we wished he had reached out for help. That he had let someone know he was in trouble, or what was going on in his life. Because no matter how bad things were, he had many who would have supported him. He was loved by many, and had two little daughters who will now grow up without him. I would categorize myself as a friendly acquaintance, and my heart aches as I write this.
Tomorrow is his funeral, and it will be a difficult day for all of us.
So why am I writing this? Because a beautiful human being was lost last Wednesday. Because my hope is that if anyone out there is suffering the way he was, that they will reach out ... realizing that even if it seems like life is unliveable there are reasons to go on. Because I also hope that each of us will reach out to those who need us, in their time of need.
Because it's on my mind.
RIP David.
Take care love.
Last edited by willmore; Jul 15th 2008 at 11:52 am.
Jul 15th 2008, 12:28 pm
#27
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: Gone too Soon
so how do people feel about the wife in all this...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
you sometimes hear stories about people getting killed in a car accident after leaving the house after a big row...how does that make the one left behind feel...I cannot image how the wife must feel in all this...just because she wanted to leave her husband doesn't make her guilty does it...
No it doesn't make her guilty but unfortunately she probably will feel that way.
Suicide is the most selfish act someone can commit. I know the victim must be feeling pretty hopeless to have made the decision to end their life but now they are free from their demons but the family and friends they leave behind have a lot of hurt and guilt at not having been able to prevent the tragedy. It's a sad sad situation all round.
Jul 15th 2008, 12:51 pm
#28
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,105
Re: Gone too Soon
No it doesn't make her guilty but unfortunately she probably will feel that way.
Suicide is the most selfish act someone can commit. I know the victim must be feeling pretty hopeless to have made the decision to end their life but now they are free from their demons but the family and friends they leave behind have a lot of hurt and guilt at not having been able to prevent the tragedy. It's a sad sad situation all round.
Suicide is the most selfish act someone can commit. I know the victim must be feeling pretty hopeless to have made the decision to end their life but now they are free from their demons but the family and friends they leave behind have a lot of hurt and guilt at not having been able to prevent the tragedy. It's a sad sad situation all round.
Jul 15th 2008, 12:55 pm
#29
Riding on silver wings
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 10,543
Re: Gone too Soon
I disagree. It takes someone with courage to live through adversity. Not someone to take their own life for personal gain.
Last edited by ugacrew; Jul 15th 2008 at 1:19 pm.
