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F-1 Unusual and serious question

F-1 Unusual and serious question

Old May 16th 2016, 12:52 pm
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Default F-1 Unusual and serious question

Hello everyone,

I have a unusual question/problem. It's about my little sister (21).
She went to California as an exchange student for 6 months before and wants to go back there full-time. She got accepted into school already, so she is applying for a F-1 visa. My question is if there is anything I can do to get her visa denied.

The reason is that she will get herself in huge trouble otherwise.
Right now she is a university student in Japan and almost done with her BA degree. Yet she wants to quit, move to California, start all over again with college and university (same major - her credits from Japan won't count in the US) and waste all of her savings, just because her boyfriend studies there.
He is a horrible human being. He treats her like dirt, hits her, abuses her physically and mentally, cheats on her regularly, got her pregnant before, gave her an STD cause he refuses to use a condom whenever he feels like it and even raped her. And yet she accepts all this, is too blind to see reason and is now about to ruin her life for that piece of shit.

She of course doesn't know that I know all these things. Some of her friends told me cause they had the same worries I have now and hoped her family could change her mind.
She will lie during her visa interview about her intent to come back after university. She has every intention of staying in the US afterwards - that's her only reason to go on a student visa. To spend time with her BF and get a foot in the door to stay permanently.

Is there any way for me to "warn" the embassy about her intent so that they deny the visa? I know it is highly manipulative of me and if she ever finds out she will hate me for the rest of her life, but I have to protect her. She is ruining her life and there is no way for me or our parents to stop her otherwise.
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Old May 16th 2016, 1:58 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

The short answer to your question is NO. There is no "Press 3 to warn the embassy of a potentially abusive boyfriend who is tangential to the visa being applied for" option.

Your sister is an adult. At 21 probably a stupid young adult blinded by love for her boyfriend who you dislike for what seem like reasonable reasons but she's an adult who must make her own mistakes. You trying to figure out how to manipulate her situation for own good is just as abusive as the behaviour you accuse her boyfriend of. It may be coming from a good place but it's toxic and a crappy thing to try and do. Seeing a person you love in an abusive relationship is awful but all you can do is offer care and support and let them know if and when they are ready to leave it behind you will be there to help. If you drive a wedge between you and your sister before she is ready for that then you run the risk of her staying with this dreadful boyfriend because she feels like she has no where to go. If he succeeds in isolating her from you she may be trapped with him for longer than she needs to be because you tried to interfere before she was ready to accept the truth of who he is and your help.

On a more practical note - how is your sister planning on funding the F1? I understand that foreign students must be able to demonstrate their ability to pay for the entire years tuition before the visa can be issued. If you are determined to refuse to let your sister be an adult and make her own terrible mistakes then you may as well go the whole hog and add financial abuse to the list of horrors your sister is exposed to

Last edited by BubbleChog; May 16th 2016 at 2:17 pm.
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Old May 16th 2016, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Welcome to BE.

As this thread is not about immigration I have moved it over to our Trailer Park Forum.
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Old May 16th 2016, 2:13 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by Taka123 View Post
I know it is highly manipulative of me...
Yes - and just as manipulative as the boyfriend! Think about that for a moment, and then ask yourself why you also want to abuse her!


... if she ever finds out she will hate me for the rest of her life...
I already hate you, and I don't even know you!


... I have to protect her.
No, you don't. She's an adult and is allowed to make her own decisions... for better or worse.


She is ruining her life and there is no way for me or our parents to stop her otherwise.
Let her live her own life.

Ian
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Old May 16th 2016, 3:38 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by BubbleChog View Post
The short answer to your question is NO. There is no "Press 3 to warn the embassy of a potentially abusive boyfriend who is tangential to the visa being applied for" option.
I meant because for the visa one needs to show a strong intent to return home after finishing one's studies. She doesn't have that intention and will lie on the interview. Which might cause even more trouble in terms of immigration fraud (and working illegally - see below). So to be proactive about it BEFORE she gets in trouble.

Originally Posted by BubbleChog View Post
You trying to figure out how to manipulate her situation for own good is just as abusive as the behaviour you accuse her boyfriend of. It may be coming from a good place but it's toxic and a crappy thing to try and do. Seeing a person you love in an abusive relationship is awful but all you can do is offer care and support and let them know if and when they are ready to leave it behind you will be there to help.
Yeah I know. And I feel terrible about thinking about such things. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'd rather have her hate me than see something much worse and potentially irreversible happen to her.
Like suffering abuse for several years, potentially getting HIV from that cheating asshole, burning through all her money, getting knocked up and ending up a broke single mom at early 20 who will suffer from these mistakes for the rest of her life.
So if trying to avoid that makes me a bad and hate-able person, so be it. Those are not small "mistakes" someone needs to make to grow in my eyes.
And if her visa gets denied, that's that.

BTW: The things I wrote are not my accusations because I dislike him - don't even know him. SHE herself told what he did to her to her friend, looking for help or advice, but in the end went back to him every time despite all warnings and pleas.

Originally Posted by BubbleChog View Post
On a more practical note - how is your sister planning on funding the F1?
By using up all her savings for her stay and then finding a job illegally in the US to "help her boyfriend out" (to quote my sis)
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Old May 16th 2016, 3:51 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Getting away from you is probably a strong motivator for her.
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Old May 16th 2016, 5:04 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by ian-mstm View Post

I already hate you, and I don't even know you!

Ian
No surprise there, you hate everyone.
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Old May 16th 2016, 5:09 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

A healthier way of approaching this might be to actually talk to your sister. To let her know that you're there for her if she needs you. To listen to her without judging and, ultimately, to be supportive of her.

Trying to go behind her back to somehow get the US embassy to deny her a visa (which will, incidentally, impact any travel plans she might wish to make to the US for the rest of her life) smacks more of control and manipulation than it does of care and concern.
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Old May 16th 2016, 5:20 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by mrken30 View Post
No surprise there, you hate everyone.
On the contrary... there's lots of people I like. However, I have no tolerance for stupidity... and a great many people are stupid. You're the poster child.

Ian
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Old May 16th 2016, 6:32 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

[Verse 1]
For all the times that you rained on my parade
And all the clubs you get in using my name
You think you broke my heart, oh girl for goodness sake
You think I'm crying on my own, well I ain't

[Pre-Chorus]
And I didn't wanna write a song
Cause I didn't want anyone thinking I still care
I don't but, you still hit my phone up
And baby I'll be movin' on
And I think it should be somethin'
That I don't wanna hold back
Maybe you should know that
My mama don't like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on
And now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own

[Chorus]
Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh baby you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself

[Verse 2]
But when you told me that you hated my friends
The only problem was with you and not them
And every time you told me my opinion was wrong
And tried to make me forget where I came from

[Pre-Chorus]
And I didn't wanna write a song
Cause I didn't want anyone thinking I still care
I don't but, you still hit my phone up
And baby I'll be movin' on
And I think it should be somethin'
That I don't wanna hold back
Maybe you should know that
My mama don't like you and she likes everyone
And I never like to admit that I was wrong
And I've been so caught up in my job, didn't see what's going on
And now I know, I'm better sleeping on my own

[Chorus]
Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh baby you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself

[Bridge]
For all the times you made me feel small
I fell in love, now I feel nothin' at all
I never felt so low when I was vulnerable
Was I a fool to let you break down my walls?

[Chorus]
Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh baby you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself
Cause if you like the way you look that much
Oh baby you should go and love yourself
And if you think that I'm still holdin' on to somethin'
You should go and love yourself
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Old May 16th 2016, 8:13 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by Taka123 View Post

She is ruining her life and there is no way for me or our parents to stop her otherwise.
That may be so, but it is her life to ruin. Unless you burn your bridges by interfering, one day she may come to you in need of help and humbled enough to ask for it. That is the point at which I hope you will leap into action.
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Old May 17th 2016, 1:21 pm
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

I agree with what's been said, although maybe not as harshly.

You mean well, but she's an adult and she is free to make the choices she wants to make, whether you agree with them or not. If she winds up making a horrible mistake, she'll learn from it. Preventing people making mistakes just means they'll keep repeating them.

If I were you, I'd approach her and explain how you feel about the situation, tell her you're unhappy with it, and strongly advise her not to go through with it. Then, if she does it anyway, your conscience is clear. Also, make sure she's fully aware that she can approach you for help and advice (non-judgmentally) at any time, so if she does want out in the future, she knows she has somewhere to turn.
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Old May 18th 2016, 12:25 am
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Well I would say if you're going to go behind your sister's back, the logical person to go after is the boyfriend. Is he American?
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Old May 18th 2016, 1:26 am
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Sad story but nothing you can do but be there for her when the day comes that she will really need you and it will come.
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Old May 18th 2016, 2:10 am
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Default Re: F-1 Unusual and serious question

Originally Posted by Taka123 View Post
And if her visa gets denied, that's that.
F-1 does have a limited form of dual intent, so saying she intends to remain in the US means nothing, she may have a legal method available to her to do that.

By using up all her savings for her stay and then finding a job illegally in the US to "help her boyfriend out" (to quote my sis)
For example, an American boyfriend. And F-1 can get work authorization anyway. Have a read of I-765 - student seeking employment due to severe economic hardship. There are various other EAD categories as well.
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