iaink

We sort of feel the same, but the reality is though for us that brothers and parents and cousins etc have their own lives to live and are wrapped up in their own little worlds, with little time to spend visiting and socialising, so we probably get more quality time when we visit the UK and they make the effort to get together, or when they come to see us for a week or more at a time. Its sad, but thats modern life, and the nature of our family which is spread all over the country. I spend more time talking to them on the phone now than I ever did when we lived on the same island.

If you move back for "family" the danger is that after the initial novelty of your return is over, everyone goes back in their own little rut, not really seeing each other more than once or twice a year anyway.

And then you are left with paying a high mortgage for a cramped house, and having crap weather and loutish behaviour, and concerns over schooling and the 101 things that encouraged you to leave the country in the first place.

Elaine B.

As always Iaink you make very good points. I must say one of the things I told myself when we moved to Canada was that family and friends had their own lives to lead so at the time it seemed like no big deal to get up and leave, it was an adventure. Unlike most people on this forum we didn't plan for years to get to Canada we just jumped on a plane once the lease was up on our Belfast flat. We had no jobs to go to no place to live, hardly any money. Ah the joy of having only yourself to think about Moving back seems like a really difficult thing to do. Of course once I spend Christmas in Ireland that may be the last thing on my mind

Dave_Was

That's one of the things though. Our family is very close. My Sister, her kids and my BIL are round my mother and father's place at least once a week. My brother and me are best friends. When I lived in the UK, weekends were with my sister and BIL, a the weekdays with my parents.

All my family literally live within half an hour of each other.

I left the UK, because I got offered a great job and as a single guy at the time it was an adventure and really I had nothing to lose. Now I'm older and my life and priorities have changed due to getting married to the most wonderful woman in the world.

If it weren't the concern for the economic situation once I landed I would have moved back earlier this year.

Elaine B.

I know what you mean about the economic thing. That is the biggest thing stopping us from moving back. We really struggled for years financially and finally last year we bought our first house if we moved back we'd be renting again. As far as work is concerned I just work in an office as a clerk so it wouldn't be like I'd be giving up a flashy career (on maternity leave at the minute) and my OH (he's Canadian) works in the UK more than he works here, in fact that's where he is at the minute. Sometimes it seems a little ridiculous that we live in Canada. But of course there are good things too about being here just some days those things don't seem to matter.

iaink

Well, your family seem to make ends meets, and my two brothers make ends meet, and my dad makes ends meet, and my brothers and sisters in law and their parents make ends meet, and my uncles and aunts and old college friends....

There is a pattern emerging here isnt there. You cut your cloth to the funds available.

The toughest thing is when you want to be with your family, and your wife wants to be with hers, and there is 3500miles between locations. But if your wife is on board with the idea and its really only financial concerns, then you just have to bite the bullet dont you? No point being better off, but fundamentally unhappy, as long as you are really sure that things would pan out the way you think they will.

My middle brother and I used to be very close, but since he was blessed with twins and has moved to a posher area for better school prospects he doesn't even have time to often email pictures, much less visit...People and circumstances change, now we have a couple of kids of our own I know the priorities of how we spend our time have also completely changed, its understandable, so just be sure before you make a decision.

Its easy to focus on the negative when you are down, I know when we had our second child and my mum passed on soon after, it really made me wish to be closer to family for a while. But thats obviously a time with lots of stress and emotional upheavel, and in time we realised family would not be waiting on our every move, that my dad was going to be OK, and our life here offers many benefits that realistically we would struggle to find in the UK. For the time being the UK benefits can be acheived by visiting more often...its a financial sacrifice to do that, but not as much as upping sticks to move back. Our kids in our opinion will have a better future in canada, albeit even if they have to have less contact with cousins etc, and talk to grandpa on the phone instead most of the time.

Dave_Was

For me, I've was quite happy to live like a bachelor for a long time. I had a small one bedroom apartment in the US and didn't really have to many outgoings. However, now my wife and I have been married for a year we are looking more to the future and would like to settle down somewhere.

I can't see myself putting more and more roots down in the US with the thought that I could be leaving down the road.

Our life here is pretty much set financially and we don't really want for anything material. My fear is that I would move the UK after finding work and then with a shift in the market lose my job, and then always be looking back and saying it wouldn't have been this way in the US.

I know I shouldn't complain too much, but as you say some days aren't as good as others. Today I think why did I chose this career and not go into something that was more generic and in demand in the UK.

Dave_Was

So many good points here, my mother always says something along the lines of you only need three good meals a day and then everything else is gravy.

I think it's just that I don't want to be making a move from the UK again in a couple of years so want to be sure.

Family wise I am sure. For that no one can convince me otherwise.

Careerwise is the thing. Sure I can see the benefits that my kids could have here, but I grew up in the UK and did okay too, and my parents had a lot less then, than I do now.

It's trying to find that balance that I am struggling with. I don't want to be just getting by, but I do want to be near family.

Elaine B.

I grew up in Northern Ireland and I'm sure most people would think what an awful place to bring up your kids. My parents didn't have a lot of money either and we lived in a town know for being very sectarian but I didn't adopt those attitudes. If I had I certainly wouldn't be a member of a "british" expats site

USAGypsies

Wow how exciting that you are going home for Chrtistmas. If I didn't like you so much Elaine B I'd probably be really p**** off by your news LOL . Seriously, I'm really excited for you. We very nearly booked to go home for 10 days immediately after Christmas (fly out boxing day), I literally had filled out the online booking info and was about to 'click', hubby and eldest off of work/school, my business quiet... seemed ideal but last second we reluctantly allowed the sensible portion of our brains to kick in and stop us from spending $4k on a trip home until our house has sold. God I hate it when we negotiate with ourselves and lose!
I hope you find some answers... I REALLY want to hear how it went/how you feel when you get back. xx

Elvira

Same shit.......... different bucket...

Elaine B.

I'll be sure to let you know how it all turns out. I really didn't think we could afford to go home this year but my OH thought for the sake of my sanity it would be money well spent. Mind you flying alone with 2 kids may just send me over the edge

USAGypsies

Definately money well spent and it will help you clarify, what better reason for making a trip. Believe me as soon as the house is sold and we feel a bit more free from our financial obligations I will be back online booking a deal. You'll be fine on the flight I'm sure, just try to get yourself in the bulkhead row if you can for a bit more room with 2 kiddies. The staff are usually really helpful on the flights when it's just one parent travelling.

Elaine B.

We're flying with Zoom and I've heard good reports about their staff and thankfully OH will be with us on the return flight. I hope you can start planning your own trip soon.

Dave_Was

Couldn't agree more. I'm making a trip home for the second time in four months.

Sometimes you just have to say to hell with the cost of it and understand that it's not just a holiday, but money towards keeping you sane.

Good luck and enjoy the time.

Elaine B.

At least it's cheaper than Therapy