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all going pear shaped

all going pear shaped

Old Jan 15th 2007, 3:17 am
  #1  
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Default all going pear shaped

Over the past 6-12 months things have gone very steadily down hill,it started with the death of my mother over the summer then gradually the work situation started to get worse (self employed in construction) and recently the bills are greater than my income which is taking a beating out of our savings.
The work situation looks pretty grim for the rest of this year and competitors are starting to drop their prices just to find a days pay which means I will soon have less work and also less money for the actual work I do so it's really a double whammy.
To top it off my wifes grandad died over christmas and also my MIL who is actually as good a MIL as you will find has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Right now 1/2 my family (wife and youngest daughter) are in the UK taking care of MIL and me and oldest children are here in the states.I think my wife will be over there until the end and how long that is I have no idea I would take a wild guess between 2-8 months I just know she could not get on a plane knowing full well she will never see her mum again.My wife and her mum are very close and like 2 peas in a pod they are both so kind and always wanting to take care of people.
The house seems like a cheap hotel without my wife and daughter here,I was always a believer that depression was a state of mind and can be changed at any time but maybe now I will re-evaluate that thought as I am pretty sure the way I feel is what people describe as depressed.
It seems recently the only news we get is bad news followed by more bad news,I have always been a positive person but its hard to look in the mirror right now and say "today is going to be a good day"
The kids at home with me are doing very good considering their mum and sister are not here,helping out everyday with household chores and the house looks similar to what it looked like when my wife is around,I guess I should look at that as a positive and realize how lucky I am to have them,with the events over the past year they are growing up real fast.
The dilema I am facing with the work situation I can only see two options

1,move somewhere else in the states where there is plenty of construction work
2,go home to the UK and do construction

That is the only field I have ever worked in and never been educated in anything else so I don't believe I could find another job in a different field earning anywhere near the money I have been used to earning.
This is starting to get long winded but I just had to get this off my chest and with very few friends over here I thought I would post it on here.
Everyday I am thankfull of the family I have but at the moment it does not feel like a family I hate my house without my wife and daughter and it maybe quite a while before they are back,even the dog hates it lol I can tell he knows something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 3:49 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

Oh my word but you've had a pretty rough time of it recently, you're still in grief over the loss of your mother and probably you wife's grandfather too, but now that your MIL has become ill all that has been compounded and you're worrying about loosing her too.

Then you have all the issues around your work and falling income to sort out.

Having all this happening in such quick succession is enough to lead most people into a state of depression. I don't think it's something you're just going to rationalise away. So many things are happening to you that are beyond your control that you must feel as if your life is getting away from you and not having your wife there for support must be especially hard for you.

Is there anyone you can go to for some help with how you are feeling, and somewhere that can help out with the financial problems you're having?
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 4:13 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

I'm so sorry to hear you are having a really naff time of it at the moment.

I don't know what advice to give you, I really dont. I just hope that things work themselves out somewhere along the line and it turns out for the best for you and your family.

Take care. xxx
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 4:21 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

There's not much to say about that, it really is a bugger...especially as there is pretty much bugger all help on offer in the states...though if you have the insurance for it, it might be worth having a chat with a doctor...you don't want to add depression to the list of angst.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 4:42 am
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Talking Re: all going pear shaped

Originally Posted by psb182 View Post
Over the past 6-12 months things have gone very steadily down hill,it started with the death of my mother over the summer then gradually the work situation started to get worse (self employed in construction) and recently the bills are greater than my income which is taking a beating out of our savings.
The work situation looks pretty grim for the rest of this year and competitors are starting to drop their prices just to find a days pay which means I will soon have less work and also less money for the actual work I do so it's really a double whammy.
To top it off my wifes grandad died over christmas and also my MIL who is actually as good a MIL as you will find has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Right now 1/2 my family (wife and youngest daughter) are in the UK taking care of MIL and me and oldest children are here in the states.I think my wife will be over there until the end and how long that is I have no idea I would take a wild guess between 2-8 months I just know she could not get on a plane knowing full well she will never see her mum again.My wife and her mum are very close and like 2 peas in a pod they are both so kind and always wanting to take care of people.
The house seems like a cheap hotel without my wife and daughter here,I was always a believer that depression was a state of mind and can be changed at any time but maybe now I will re-evaluate that thought as I am pretty sure the way I feel is what people describe as depressed.
It seems recently the only news we get is bad news followed by more bad news,I have always been a positive person but its hard to look in the mirror right now and say "today is going to be a good day"
The kids at home with me are doing very good considering their mum and sister are not here,helping out everyday with household chores and the house looks similar to what it looked like when my wife is around,I guess I should look at that as a positive and realize how lucky I am to have them,with the events over the past year they are growing up real fast.
The dilema I am facing with the work situation I can only see two options

1,move somewhere else in the states where there is plenty of construction work
2,go home to the UK and do construction

That is the only field I have ever worked in and never been educated in anything else so I don't believe I could find another job in a different field earning anywhere near the money I have been used to earning.
This is starting to get long winded but I just had to get this off my chest and with very few friends over here I thought I would post it on here.
Everyday I am thankfull of the family I have but at the moment it does not feel like a family I hate my house without my wife and daughter and it maybe quite a while before they are back,even the dog hates it lol I can tell he knows something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about

What an awful time for you. I wish you were in Canada ( b.c )we have a boom in building, the papers are crying out for builders and carpenters labourers. there is a sign on the hwy it says "labours wanted carpenters wanted ANYBODY" ....... ha ha.....
Keep your chin up things have a way of turning around..I'm 61 so i do know somthing about life.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 5:13 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

So sorry to hear your story mate. And i thought I had it bad here, it just goes to show there's always someone worse off than yourself.

I can only say that there's a lot of people who'll be thinking about you and yours.

Good luck mate.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 6:03 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

thanks for the support it is much welcome.Bob at the moment I will not see a doctor as I don't think things are bad enough right now,yes I am down in the dumps but I can handle it I think,I have to keep it together for the kids sake.
Financially I will see how things go and I think it maybe ok for a while as I will be spending a lot less in the coming weeks/months and all wants will take a back seat to needs.
Thanks again for the support
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 10:13 am
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

I remember your past posts and how homesick for the UK you were. Its nice to hear from you again but my god not under these circumstances. I remember you said your wife would not move back before, maybe with her being in the UK it will give her some perspective as to whether she could live there once again. I have no advice to offer but if you are feeling stressed you could take extra vitamins especially vitamin B which is a good one for stress. Keep us updated. You always have friends here.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 1:46 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

Originally Posted by psb182 View Post
Over the past 6-12 months things have gone very steadily down hill,it started with the death of my mother over the summer then gradually the work situation started to get worse (self employed in construction) and recently the bills are greater than my income which is taking a beating out of our savings.
The work situation looks pretty grim for the rest of this year and competitors are starting to drop their prices just to find a days pay which means I will soon have less work and also less money for the actual work I do so it's really a double whammy.
To top it off my wifes grandad died over christmas and also my MIL who is actually as good a MIL as you will find has been diagnosed with terminal cancer.Right now 1/2 my family (wife and youngest daughter) are in the UK taking care of MIL and me and oldest children are here in the states.I think my wife will be over there until the end and how long that is I have no idea I would take a wild guess between 2-8 months I just know she could not get on a plane knowing full well she will never see her mum again.My wife and her mum are very close and like 2 peas in a pod they are both so kind and always wanting to take care of people.
The house seems like a cheap hotel without my wife and daughter here,I was always a believer that depression was a state of mind and can be changed at any time but maybe now I will re-evaluate that thought as I am pretty sure the way I feel is what people describe as depressed.
It seems recently the only news we get is bad news followed by more bad news,I have always been a positive person but its hard to look in the mirror right now and say "today is going to be a good day"
The kids at home with me are doing very good considering their mum and sister are not here,helping out everyday with household chores and the house looks similar to what it looked like when my wife is around,I guess I should look at that as a positive and realize how lucky I am to have them,with the events over the past year they are growing up real fast.
The dilema I am facing with the work situation I can only see two options

1,move somewhere else in the states where there is plenty of construction work
2,go home to the UK and do construction

That is the only field I have ever worked in and never been educated in anything else so I don't believe I could find another job in a different field earning anywhere near the money I have been used to earning.
This is starting to get long winded but I just had to get this off my chest and with very few friends over here I thought I would post it on here.
Everyday I am thankfull of the family I have but at the moment it does not feel like a family I hate my house without my wife and daughter and it maybe quite a while before they are back,even the dog hates it lol I can tell he knows something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about

Where in the US are you? I got a mate who lives in NY who may know some one, no guarantee at all mind you but i will ask for you. I know its tough for you but you have to be tougher. Just check my old posts about what happened to us in NZ. Hope it all works out for you, best of luck to you and your family.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 1:52 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

I'm sorry to hear your story ,no good advice but lots of kind thoughts for you and your family.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 2:54 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

Originally Posted by jumping doris View Post
I'm sorry to hear your story ,no good advice but lots of kind thoughts for you and your family.
Ditto to the above. Just to let you know I'm thinking of you, and hoping better times are just around the corner.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 3:33 pm
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Best of luck mate - hope it works out for you.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 3:36 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

keep positive, easier said than done i know but it's the only way forward....good luck
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 8:33 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

Hiya PSB.
I read this and had to respond. Its been so long since I have seen anything from you. I am really sorry to hear of all the bad times. it does seem to come like that doesnt it. Always all at once. Hang in there....your kids are looking to you for their strength. It will pass and it will ease and get better.
Remember, even though we only know you from these posts, we have all become friends of sorts. Thinking about you and let us know how you get on please.
That dark cloud will pass and the sun will shine soon. Bless you.
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Old Jan 15th 2007, 8:53 pm
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Default Re: all going pear shaped

Originally Posted by psb182 View Post
Over the past 6-12 months things have gone very .......................................something is wrong.I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps it will do me a bit of good and give me positive things to think about
To go through the ringer like this just plain sucks. There's no other way to put it. Honestly, you don't see it, but things really do turn around. I did construction too in the states and don't anymore. Things can and often do change.

All the best and good luck.
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