About me!
 

Just for you Jersey girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I am 35 years old and have 4 gorgeous children/ MY OH is an absolute control freak but as the children are more spanish than english I wouldnt move them.

My OH is a nightmare and thats about that.

I love Spain, I love living in Spain but am now at my wits end as to where to turn.

It took all my courage last night not to throw myself under the train.

So there you go. Thats me in a nutshell.

Re: About me!
 

Are you sure about loving spain? I had all these doubts, I thought my daughter wouldn't adapt to English life. It turns out that its the best thing I could've done for her. It took me a long time to wake up to the fact that I didn't love Spain I didn't even like spain. Like you I lived there a long time, six years and we're about the same age I'm 31 and its not too late to turn your life around.
Maybe ask on the spanish forum if anyone knows anything about organisations in cds that helps victims of domestic violence.

Re: About me!
 

:)Hi Karina, hang on in there, theres loads of lovely people on here, who have loads of good advice and can point you in the right direction.Support you and hopefully have you in a fit of giggles.You certainly are not on your own and if you need to unload do it.You must be a super mummy because you care enough to cry out.You had me in tears,which isnt a pretty sight cause Ive run out of bog roll:D sending you loads :wub:
Coo thank heavens for spellcheck:o I tryed to type with 2 fingers, I wont do that again:)

Re: About me!
 

Hi Karina...remember a problem shared is a problem halved. Whenever you are feeling down log onto BE...there are many forums on here all around the world so there is always someone to chat to 24/7.

Lots of people who come onto the UK forum are living overseas and for one reason or another are feeling down in the dumps. You will find plenty of shoulders to cry on.

How long have you lived in Spain....is your husband Spanish or English?

Re: About me!
 

my husband is english. It doesn't help that his brother and his mum and dad are over here and backing him up all the way - I am by myself. Also, I have to cope with his 21 year old daughter and her boyfriend who have decided to come and stay for thr 3 months they are on vacation from uni:frown:

Re: About me!
 

Yikes!!! In-laws as well as long-term house guests...I understand why you are feeling so low. :eek:

Re: About me!
 

Your posts on another thread suggest that you are being subjected to more than control-freakery. Domestic violence is a serious crime, and your children are also at risk.

Please do yourself a favour and seek help without delay, either through a women's help group, or a divorce attorney.

Because this is only going to get worse...

Re: About me!
 

Wecome to the forum Karina:)

....and if Elviras right, and its more than just living with a control freak, please take her advice asap.

Nothing, and I mean nothing is worth your children living in this environment, even if its not happening to them. You sound like a fantastic mother who has sacrificed a lot for her kids and they are your world, I know. But because of that please try to make plans to move in another home and show them the way you are treated is not right, not what you want for them and so you wont tolerate it. You might now think so now, and its a huge scarey thing to do - but in years to come they will admire their brave mum who did all this for them - not resent you for moving them.

Take care of yourself and please be brave.

C x

Re: About me!
 

Karina; oh dear, I'm so saddened and angry about your situation.

There IS help available. Here are some links and advice below.

Do you think your children would rather have a healthy, happy mummy and live in the UK, or think it's totally normal to see their mummy being abused by their father and turning into a physical and mental wreck?

I strongly suggest that you keep a diary (in a safe place of course) detailing mental and physical abuse in your household.....it will stand up in court if needs be and no court will allow children to remain with an abusive parent.

There are safe houses for women and children in the UK and I understand that you will be entitled to priority housing (eg. in a housing association property) if you choose to divorce and unable to split the proceeds of joint property, investments, pensions etc. The links below should be helpful and of course there is always the Citizens Advice Bureau too.

By the way......are your parents or family members in the UK aware of your plight?

Good Luck

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/CrimeJus...ime/DG_4003136

http://www.refuge.org.uk/ (there is a 'discreet' button)

http://www.refuge.org.uk/page_l1-2_l2-182_.htm

http://www.refuge.org.uk/linksAndUsefulNumbers.html

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

and if you're worried that your husband could hold your children 'hostage' in Spain, I would definitely contact the people at 'Reunite'; I believe that you have a strong case for being allowed to return the children with you to the UK as it is unhealthy for them to live in a home where there is domestic violence.

http://www.reunite.org

Re: About me!
 

Oh Karina you sound like you really are at your wits end. I can't offer any advice really but just wanted to say that we are all here to listen to your problems and I'm sure that there are many others on here who can help you or point you in the right direction.

Someone very close to me went through years of bullying from her husband but she was very strong and although it did get her down, it never beat her. She fought back and wouldn't be submissive despite physical abuse as well as mental.

Strange how things turn around because that couple are still together after 40+ years and he now dotes on her and absolutely worships her, looks after her every need and they are so happy together.

I'm not saying that all stories end happily - unfortunately there are many sad endings and some people need to break away to find that happiness, but please stay strong, not only for your childrens sake but for yours too - you deserve to be happy :thumbup:

Re: About me!
 

Karina,
Thank goodness I found you here, because I just posted my reply
on other thread.Do work Katrina? To get get out of an abusive
marriage, you need to have a plan or you find yourself going back to him.
That involves help from friends, a place to go with the children ,
finances and sometimes the police has to be involved if he becomes violent.

Hang in there Karina,if the negative thoughts keep on ruminating in your
mind, please go to the hospital. I hope there is a social worker in the
hospital who can help you and your children with domestic abuse isssues.
Take care.
Yoong

Re: About me!
 

Karina are you in the CDS area? Do you have any friends here that can support you or is your husband that much of a control freak that you aren't allowed any?

Re: About me!
 

UPDATE!

things hit a head a few days after that and because the children were there I decided enough was enough. I reported him to the police.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I spent practically the whole of last week in the police station/court house.

They have ordered a quick divorve which comes through on FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

Am having quite a bad time at the moment, have gone back to the comapny I used to work for but will probably have probs with the kids later on BUT luckily, they are very understanding.

Just to keep you updated.

P.S> with the job I do and people are telling you their life stories - I am having a very difficult time of not crying - the other reps are taking bets on how many minutes it will be before I cry:frown:

At least it makes them laugh!

Will keep in touch!

Kxxxxxxxx

Re: About me!
 

Karina -

I have only just come across your thread and though there is little I can offer in terms of practical advice I just wanted to wish you all the best and encourage you to hang in there. You have clearly done the right thing for your children and yourself by getting out of this abusive relationship. That takes more guts than many people have.

Re: About me!
 

hi Karina

I just read about your terrible situation. I don't have any advice I just wanted to send you lots of hugs.

You should be so proud of youself for taking action. Well done for getting yourself and your kids safe.

I know how you must feel with his family being there. I to have my husbands mother and step-dad with us. When things go wrong they certanly know how to make me feel isolated. I empathise with you.

Keep strong Karina. You WILL come out of this stronger.

Good luck

Re: About me!
 

I dread to think what happened for you to get the police involved! :ohmy: Anyway at least it's forced your hand and now you've got the ball rolling to start a new life away from him. I wish you all the best. Don't forget we are always here for you to laugh, moan or cry to. :)

Re: About me!
 

I'm another one stuck with awful inlaws but thankfully my soon to be ex isn't remotely abusive.

Good luck, stay strong and I hope things start to improve very soon.

Re: About me!
 

well done Karina, I wish you all the best at this difficult time. Be strong:wub: and ignore the reps.

Re: About me!
 

Karina I have been following your story.

My sister lives in a foreign country and her husband was very violent towards her. Like you, she had all the advice of leaving him etc but had nowhere to go and couldn't take the kids out of the country.

It was so hard and demoralizing for her and slowly he chipped away at her self confidence and self belief had her believe that she wouldn't be any good without him.

She didn't know which way to turn and whilst many of us (myself included at times) couldn't understand why she put up with it, one day she simply decided enough was enough and like yourself, found the courage to get out.

And it does take courage, even with kids involved it is not always clear cut. Her husband attempted to strangle her and would threaten her with all kinds and if it really were that easy to leave then she would have done it.

She left him, divorced him and her kids are grown up now and she has built up a new life although still has the emotional scars of someone who has been in an abusive relationship.

The decision to leave an abuser is hard and has to come from the person being abused.

Quite suddenly you have found the strength to do this and I am so pleased for you.

I wanted to say this before but it didn't feel right as you seemed so confused about your situation.

It is easy for us to say 'Oh leave him' because we are not in your shoes - each case of domestic violence is different as in how easy it is to leave the person and how deep the emotional damage and scarring is with that individual person.

Your new life starts here, you will rebuild your life and you will become happy again and what is more, your children will thank you for it.

I shall tell my sister about you and if she has any words of wisdom of how she coped then I shall gladly pass them on.

You are proof that 'girl power' is alive and kicking and you should be exceedingly proud of yourself.

:)

Re: About me!
 

As usual Sam...well said. :thumbsup:

Re: About me!
 

Good job on your decision. You're very brave. Next time your colleagues are waiting for you to cry, tell them to piss off, and hold your head high! Bet they wouldn't have the balls to do what you've done. :D All the best to you!

Re: About me!
 

Karina,
You have done the most courageous thing for yourself and your children.
This is the first step you have taken control of your life and stop the
abuse.You are a strong person ,you and your children will gradually
heal with the help of therapy.

I don't want to overwhelm you with too many things.First thing is safety
and a restraining court order on you ex.Good thing is ,you do have a job .
Thanks for the update on your situation.
Yoong

Re: About me!
 

This is so true. Years ago, I was engaged to someone who aimed verbal abuse at me constantly, was very controlling, and my entire family hated him. He embarrassed me in front of work colleagues several times, and no-one could understand what I was doing by staying. But every time I tried to break it off, he would burst into tears and beg for forgiveness, and I couldn't stand to see him that upset.

It only ever got physically abusive once when we were arguing in the street and when I walked away, he grabbed the back of my neck and tried to throw me. I turned on him in anger and he got the message that he shouldn't do that to me again.

Only one thing finally gave me enough strength to leave, and it was when we were at our house, in a heated argument, and he picked up the puppy we had, grabbed it's neck, and threatened to kill it. That made me furious, so I picked up the nearest chair and threw it at him. That was my wake-up call that I couldn't stay, because eventually, I'd either end up just like him, or he'd kill me.

You have to leave a bad relationship to save your own sanity.

Re: About me!
 

THANKYOU EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

work have been fantastic .............people have been great........ so hopefullly it will all be sorted asap.

Re: About me!
 

Thanks for keeping us up to date.

You sound a lot more upbeat than you did when you first started this thread. It's surprising how people rally round at a time like this. I wish you and your children all the best...you deserve it. :)

Re: About me!
 

Hi...

I am sorry to 'hijack' a thread...but I don't know where else to turn.

Like the original poster...i moved to Spain with husband and two children, aged 8 and 9 nearly three months ago. The husband is not physically violent, yet is bullying and threatening to me and the children. My sister is here this week, and she has told me that my kids are suffering because of his abusive treatment.

Problems... I have nothing, and nowhere to turn in Spain. I know no-one, and in retrospect this is exactly what the husband wanted. I have no money until our house in England sells on 10/15th August, and then it is doubtful if I will get any of the proceeds. I am registered disabled in the UK, and am unable to work because of my disabilities. I don't have the money to return to the Uk... and even if i did, i wouldn't know where to go (my beloved sister lives in a caravan!)

I am doing my level best to protect my kids and failing. I am at my wits end.

I am so sorry I have posted here... i really am

c x

Re: About me!
 

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time.

Why won't you get any of the proceeds of your house? I know your area very well and there's another poster on here who lives in Javea who might be able to give you some contacts. There are a ton of Expats in your area so you should be able to hook up with some Brits which might offer you a support system. There's a great doc in Javea who is fluent in English. He's Dutch and a great guy. If you need his details PM me.

Are your kids in (or will be in ) Spanish school or at XIC?

There is a British Consulate in downtown Alicante. Though they can't give you legal advice they are really nice and will point you in the right direction for legal advice.

Double post this as a new thread in the Spain section as you might get replies with useful local knowledge.

Re: About me!
 

Cissy,
Have sent you a private message.
Impey

Re: About me!
 

Just slap OH back girl if OH does things like that but anyways put your foot down!...wheres your backbone!

Re: About me!
 

It normally helps if you read the whole thread before making comments about people. :rolleyes:

Re: About me!
 

Yes i can read :thumbsup:

Re: About me!
 

In that case perhaps you could be a little more diplomatic...the OP is obviously going through a very difficult and distressing time.

Re: About me!
 

Where is your sensitivity?