AmerLisa

That's a shame, isn't it? Children don't need presents, etc.... but its nice to know their family care, and it shouldn't be determined with what country they live in.

My husband's brother rarely calls (he could email, etc) even though my husband has consistently made the effort. Since we've been over here the BIL and his wife have had two children and while they have told us of the pregnancies and the births, we've yet to receive photos, etc. They have likewise ignored our daughter (she doesn't know anything about her uncle.) My MIL has been more in touch and so has my SIL. Just proves that if you really want to, you can make the effort. There is no excuse not to.

randomgirl

I agree completely!
My cousin who I was allegedly close to has a baby who will be 1 at the end of this month, and I met him only twice before I left the country. Even though they obviously knew I was emigrating they were just too busy all of the time to see me - even though I'd be the one getting 2 trains to see them and they hardly had to do anything! I understand life with small children is hard work, but it's funny how they had time for everyone else. The second time I saw the baby was when they managed to fit me into their schedule all of 3 days before I left the country - when to be honest I was way too busy to be going to see them, but I did it anyway because I wanted to make the effort. Now I wonder why I ever bothered! Likewise with the photo thing, last week is the first time since November that my cousin has sent me any photos of the baby. It doesn't take much to attach a couple of photos to an email, does it? I can't believe your husband's brother and his wife have had 2 children and never sent you 1 photo of either baby - that's shocking! Also with them ignoring your daughter - how horrible

I've actually just told hubby the way I've been feeling today, and I said that when we have a baby I don't think I'll even bother to notify most of these people because they clearly don't care. They can find out through someone else, it's not like they'd give a crap anyway - they wouldn't make the effort to send a card or anything! My cousin and his wife were actually in the US visiting her family when we got married in October, and it wouldn't have been a lot of effort or expense to send a card from there! I'm regretting everything I've ever done for them now, all the wedding gifts, masses of gifts for the baby, etc... and this is how they turn around and treat me! I probably am much better off without them, really.

randomgirl

It's good to know it's not only my dad who can't be arsed with much contact. Before I left he made a big deal of saying all the time how much he was gonna miss me, etc etc, and how he was gonna get himself a laptop with a webcam so we could chat on Skype - well, 6 months on and he still hasn't bothered himself with getting one. If I email him it usually takes him about 3 days to reply, if he does at all. And he told me when I called last week that he would definitely call me on Wednesday or Thursday of this week - lo and behold, he hasn't done yet again. I'm getting sick of all these false promises - why do people bother saying they'll do stuff when they clearly have no intention of doing so?

Cape Blue

Rest assured randomgirl, as you can see, you are not the only one.

I had mates that I met at school & university and had been close with for 15-20 years. We had lived in shared houses, backpacked in various countries across Asia, Africa and South America together, along with all the associated adventures and near misses and we used to see each other most weekends over 10-15 years.

I finally got to seeing that it was me instigating 100% of the emails and calls and getting a 10-20% response at best. These are guys of whom I was best man at 4 of their weddings, had them crash at my place when they split up with their missus and had gone through a lot of good and bad times with.

One of them moved abroad around 3 years before I did, even then it was me making all the effort to keep in-touch.

Makes you wonder how good those friendships were at the end of the day.

As well as the potential for jealousy (although I doubt any of my old mates are jealous of me), I think some of them feel that in moving abroad it is a rejection of them and the UK - I left them and mentally, they returned the favor. That said, they had all sprogged-out and started wearing Farah slacks and were only allowed to go out once every 3-4 months, so we weren't seeing a great deal of each other towards the end anyway.

As someone else said - you've got to start making a new life in the US.

Englishmum

Here's a simple solution:

Tell them you've just had a big lottery win!

randomgirl

Haha! I'm sure that would elicit much response from everybody, and quite a few people I haven't seen or spoken to for years before I even left the UK! It's tempting to do it and see what happens, I must admit!

Englishmum

Yes and when they eventually push you for details tell them that you are waiting to hear back from the Nigerian company which notified you about the win....

randomgirl

Thanks Cape Blue, you're entirely right. I've been able to see that it's nearly always me contacting people, not them contacting me, for quite a while now. This whole thing has actually been bothering me since about 2 months after I moved here, so it's not recent! I think it's really helped hearing about all your experiences, it makes me feel better anyway.

As for making a new life here, I know it'll take time but it's something I'm gonna have to do so I may as well forget about the past and get on with the present and future!

randomgirl

Cape Blue

http://www.meetup.com/brit-255/

Something to ease your way in with.

randomgirl

Thanks! I'll check that out!

SarahG

We've been here for about 18 months now and I have discovered very quickly who my friends are and who aren't. Only visitor we have had is my brother in law for a few days as he was going to a conference in Boston and then down to Miami so stopped off in Indy en route. Mother in law may be coming over around Memorial Day (hopefully not for 2 weeks though!) I seriously doubt any of my family will visit us as they never visited me when I lived in England and a trip down the M1 was too much work. Edinburgh to Northampton was just too long a journey I guess! I started a blog to keep them up to date with what we are up to over here and they could see pictures of their (only) grandchildren but they don't read it! I still do it but it is mainly fellow expats who read it. I am on FB as are a lot of friends and former co-workers but I rarely hear from them. We are going back to UK in 2 weeks for my brothers wedding and I will try to see them anyway. Most of the comments we get from friends in the UK on our FB status updates etc are that we are using American words/terms and that we probably 'sound like bloody Yanks' now! It may be jealousy that stops them from making nicer comments or they may not be doing much and feel they have nothing to say but the odd email message in reply to one I send would be nice.
Luckily we have made great friends over here and that has helped us settle in. I have gone mad volunteering as I can't work on the visa I am on. I am enjoying it here and if after our visit to the UK it is clear that my 'friends' are no longer willing to be friends then I will cut them loose.

hockeysarah

I know how you feel and i havent even left the UK yet!
I had to move from London and back to my Mums to save up the money for the move etc, so im kind of in limbo at the moment. Im already realising who my real friends are though.
I do agree with others that it is a problem with jealousy, im busy getting ready to move to start a new life and do everything ive been wanting to do and i think some people resent that.
I have found a lot of comfort in the ones that have kept in contact and i hope that it continues when i move, but i will try to look forward!

bevinva

Sorry to all those coming to terms with the way those in the UK treat you.

SarahG

At the end of the day I guess I/we have to realize that it is their loss. No free/cheap holiday destinations are in their future!