cluelessaboutetiquette

An old freind who is Catalan and I know well for almost 30 years has invited me to his wedding and I have declined in part due to health reasons. I am currently living in the UK so it's a long trip.

The invite included a bank account number with message for those who want to send a present. No problem having read around on the web that this is completely usual in Spain/Catalonia and that the usual amount for such a relationship is at least 200-300 euro if you're attending as a couple.

So far so good but what I can't find is what is "expected" - usual, polite etc if you are unable to attend?

There are more complexities in this case but I so far can't really find even a general answer to this question.

TIA for any advice.

cluelessaboutetiquette

Sorry should have added what I really want to know is what a local person would be expected to do. I am probably the only foreigner invited.

Obviously expats-foreigners get a free pass in this situation to some extent for not understanding the local tradition.

Rosemary

Hi and a warm welcome to the Spanish forum on BE. Myself and Fred James are the moderators for the Spanish forums whilst BEVS moderates Europe. Moderators are there to ensure that the site runs smoothly within the rules of BE. This is so that members gain the information that they are looking for and find their experiences on the forums to be friendly and worthwhile.

Problems and complaints should always be addressed to a moderator who will look into the matter and deal with it efficiently and fairly. Our members who post in the Spain Forums are usually friendly and helpful with a wealth of knowledge about the issues of living in Spain. I hope that you enjoy your time participating in the forums.

Please let me know if you need any further help.

Rosemary

Rosemary

As a non attender a gift of about 50 euros is probably alright. I suspect that it also very much depends on how long you have known the person and how important you are seen to be in their life.

Rosemary

Rosemary

I will ask one of my friends later.

Rosemary

Rosemary

I sent a message to a friend who usually expects and gives good presents because I thought that she would say more than I had and then you could go for the middle ground. However, she said that when she got married 8 years ago one couple who could not attend gave her 50 euros and due to the economic climate here in Spain this would probably not have increased.

I hope that this is helpful.

Rosemary

Loafing Along

A spanish wedding, particularly the meal, is traditionally funded by cash donations made by all the guests. An envelope given to the Bride's mother as she wanders around the dinner tables greeting everyone. The solution to your dilemna is therefore to assess about how much you think the wedding "Menu" would cost in the location chosen. Based on that the gift should equate to the cost of your meal ( one or two people ) plus a little bit.

Rosemary

That is always how I evaluate how much to give but it is always more difficult to assess if you are not planning to attend because then the money that you give is a pure gift to the bride and groom with no expenses to pay out.

Rosemary

Loafing Along

Yes but just give the same as if you were present.

Rete

I agree with this. You are not attending, are not having dinner, drinks, participating in the dancing, etc. The couple is from a well-to-do family and I'm sure that the nupitals are being paid by the family or the couple themselves.

IMHO, I would send 50-100 Euros in a lovely card wishing them all the best in the future.

billgates

Ha ha! You guys obviously have more money than I have.

If it were me and I wasn't attending I would just send a card wishing them all the best.

I really hate all this crap about being expected to cough up a small fortune just so a couple of friends can have a party. Chances are they'll be divorced in a few years anyway. Whatever you contribute won't be noticed amongst all the other junk they get given, likewise not donating to the cause won't be noticed either. If they take offence then they're not really your friends anyway.

And department store wedding lists.....don't get me started on wedding lists. I refuse to acknowledge wedding lists on principle.

dairymaid

I gave a neighbour´s daughter a nice gift and card when I was unable to attend the wedding. I got no acknowledgement or thanks!!

Fred James

What really annoys me is when someone decides to get married on some godforsaken island 10000 miles away and expects you to pay for your flights and hotel bills!

Blass

my thoughts exactly Fred my nephew is getting married in Cyprus and with flights and hotel is £2489 for 2 people

Wife wants to go I think otherwise

Fred James

And they probably expect a present as well. Vote with your feet and send a cheap card! Better still, a Whatsapp message.