Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Here's my top tips for anybody about to take the plunge!

Get yourself totally fluent......in lying and bullshitting to other Brits!

Perfect your resume and background......current trends indicate that you should have been the CEO of various multi-nationals....while serving in the SAS, the Navy Seals, and the UN peacekeeping force.....simultaneously.
And it wouldn't hurt to include a manned NASA space mission as well.

If you're not coming out in the immediate future, you may want to stay ahead of the game with your past accomplishments. So brush up on the concepts of time travel and invisibilty! Any HG Wells novel would be a good start.....but hey....why not just claim to be HG Wells? WTF? He's not going to complain is he?

Get loads of tattoos....bad Indian ink jobbies....all misspelt. Put 'em everywhere....particularly your fingers.

Never had your ears pierced back when it was fashionable back in the 70's? Don't waste time....break out the hole punch and get started.

Not got a beer gut yet? Crack open a can and get working on it!

Watch "Carry on Camping".....and then dress identical to Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey's characters. Get sandals....loads of 'em! And like shorts, you have to wear them whatever the weather.

Tell everybody you want to live the real Spanish life in a rural community. Then when you get there whinge to everybody because there's no Marks and Spencers or ASDA on your doorstep. And even worse, the damn local peasants don't even speak English!

And don't bother going out and seeing the countryside or any places of interest.....just sit talking mindless cack on the Internet all day....with Sky TV on in the background.

When you get here....search out all Brits within a 30 mile radius. Meet them, befriend them....then go away and make up stories about them.

So that's my top ten tips for incoming Brits! I'm sure I've forgotten a few though!
It's over to you!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

You have such a chip on your shoulder man!

If they don't bother you, and you keep the hell away from them what's the problem?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Thats originality? :rofl:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

That's generous!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Why should everyone want to be like you?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your inane drivel guys! Been busy working!
Rolled out another new client's site and only 3 days start to finish as well....and that includes a 200 property upload and a server switch.
Of course, having been in this industry for 23 years and being non-Skills Plane qualified enables me to accomplish tasks that the wannabes and Johnny Come Latelys of this world can only dream of.

And....I even found time to do the washing as well! Because I'm multi-tasking.....as opposed to most Brits who are just multi-talentless! :cool:

http://www.maximumbikes.com/pics/xteb.jpg

This is Pete....non-Skills Plane, reasonable command of the Spanish language, no tattoos, no earrings, no beer gut (I don't drink), no skeletons in his closet, and still taking his styling cues from James Dean..... in Huescar! 'Ave it! :cool:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Leave off Pete. That picture is about 3 years old.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

It's about 18 months old Jules.....but it was the only photo of me doing the washing that I had! :unsure:

I've got some bike photos if you like? :lol:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

From that photo I can now determine the root of your self worth issues - you're GINGER!!!!
Sorry, I apologise for thinking you were just a nutter all this time - you have my sympathy!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

I did have a very slight auburn tone to my hair in my younger days leighbloke!

Here's me in 1975....

http://www.maximumbikes.com/pics/kaw1.jpg

These days my hair colour comes out of a bottle! But sometimes....the bottle gets here too late! :frown:

http://www.maximumbikes.com/pics/xtg.jpg

Still....what would you know about hair? :lol:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Bikes yes - push bikes. One of them with a basket on the front.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Touche!!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Nothing like that Jules! But I'm sure you're missing Twat's party photos!
Here's a recent shot of the dirty old bastard up to no good.....with a young lady half his age....who's not his wife!

http://maximumbikes.com/rustysprocke...rement_105.jpg

Don't know how he gets away with it.....he's so stupid he posts them all over the internet! :lol:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Did you drive your bike over the washing causing the skidmarks ?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Well whoever she is, she seems to be enjoying his company. What Karen says, must be true then?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

I think the way that you keep re-asserting your manhood, and superiority over other men, mostly English men, shows us all the level of your own feelings of inadequacy and simply hi lights your shortcomings.

I feel for you Pete, I really do, that you had to travel all the way to Spain just to find some sense of belonging and closeness to a people, who while have probably embraced your inane ramblings about how evil the English are only really tolerate you and accept you for the cash cow that all estranjeros really are.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Ah, you're back and already up to speed - over to you!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

the problem is that I am sober as a judge, I am back on the wagon.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Any chance of you throwing yourself off it?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

about as much as you leaving me the hell alone really.........

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Have you got anything nice to say tonight?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Listen.....I was brought up by a woman, so the chances of you turning this round onto me is slim..........you opened with post 19, I retorted, and if you need me to explain what that word means just let me know.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

OOps as I woman I can apologise! Mis-read the thread!

I do look at your random comments .. and think you are up to shite!

You have a bad reputation that proceeds you.!

But I ain't wrong tho OK!!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Look I know some people get all huffy that I hijack threads and crap like that but to be honest the forum only really becomes animated when someone sparks a little interest in it.

Now there are a few of us that do that, one of them sadly is no longer on here, Derby has started taking life so seriously that he doesn't see that we are all here to have a bit of fun, and everyone else just gets flamed!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Yeah sort of understand.... As alway if i can be honest....

It always feels really condescending!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Its like LB! Fun to have around but engage brain...

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

You have a brain???????

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

So many people take me the wrong way.

Nearly every post I make is tongue in cheek, I am on this site to learn, make contacts and have some fun, and that's just what I do, sometimes I am an arse, sometimes other people are an arse, but I take very little seriously here.

Now I understand that some people do take things seriously on here, but they shouldn't, because very little on here is real, and a good amount of posters are here for "other" reasons.

I have tried to be informative, hell I even started a series of gardening sheets for anyone to use and look through, but as the poem goes, the more "clever" you look the more people want to tear you down, and because of the "critics" I wont be doing any more gardening advice etc.

I don't profess to know everything there is, and I am constantly learning, but I have lived my life pretty full on, and have tried to grasp every experience I can, and I never stop learning, but some inadequate people feel the need to jump on that and I would rather not have the argument.

And besides, if I took things that seriously do you think I would carry the sig line that I do??!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Wehey!!!!!!!!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Yeh but, it thinks about hoovering, ironing and stuff!

Oh well shit happens!

For Xtreme... and killing naughty people! :rofl:

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

I think you have just 'fezzed up' your fluffy side!

You are on the back foot! (defensive) And it is quite nice to see.

You have two shades to your character! Let them show:wub:

Honestly we do listen to your words of wisdom. But there is nothing worse than a Smart Arese!



Lots of love Jeremy Kyle x

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Sarah - do you have warm feelings for lickle Matthew?

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

I have a very fluffy side I do admit, but to think that I am on the back foot I think you are off the mark.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

:rofl:

Just noticed your signature.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Not as much as you!

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Its just going to cause soooo many problems I just know it is.

Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
 

Now I am scared..

Being nice has its problems ....

I am going Essex for this one... Whatever!

See ya ; dont wanna be ya!