Preparation for coming to Spain!
Oct 13th 2007, 3:59 pm
#1
Mucho Macho
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Huescar
Posts: 1,213
Preparation for coming to Spain!
Here's my top tips for anybody about to take the plunge!
Get yourself totally fluent......in lying and bullshitting to other Brits!
Perfect your resume and background......current trends indicate that you should have been the CEO of various multi-nationals....while serving in the SAS, the Navy Seals, and the UN peacekeeping force.....simultaneously.
And it wouldn't hurt to include a manned NASA space mission as well.
If you're not coming out in the immediate future, you may want to stay ahead of the game with your past accomplishments. So brush up on the concepts of time travel and invisibilty! Any HG Wells novel would be a good start.....but hey....why not just claim to be HG Wells? WTF? He's not going to complain is he?
Get loads of tattoos....bad Indian ink jobbies....all misspelt. Put 'em everywhere....particularly your fingers.
Never had your ears pierced back when it was fashionable back in the 70's? Don't waste time....break out the hole punch and get started.
Not got a beer gut yet? Crack open a can and get working on it!
Watch "Carry on Camping".....and then dress identical to Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey's characters. Get sandals....loads of 'em! And like shorts, you have to wear them whatever the weather.
Tell everybody you want to live the real Spanish life in a rural community. Then when you get there whinge to everybody because there's no Marks and Spencers or ASDA on your doorstep. And even worse, the damn local peasants don't even speak English!
And don't bother going out and seeing the countryside or any places of interest.....just sit talking mindless cack on the Internet all day....with Sky TV on in the background.
When you get here....search out all Brits within a 30 mile radius. Meet them, befriend them....then go away and make up stories about them.
So that's my top ten tips for incoming Brits! I'm sure I've forgotten a few though!
It's over to you!
Get yourself totally fluent......in lying and bullshitting to other Brits!
Perfect your resume and background......current trends indicate that you should have been the CEO of various multi-nationals....while serving in the SAS, the Navy Seals, and the UN peacekeeping force.....simultaneously.
And it wouldn't hurt to include a manned NASA space mission as well.
If you're not coming out in the immediate future, you may want to stay ahead of the game with your past accomplishments. So brush up on the concepts of time travel and invisibilty! Any HG Wells novel would be a good start.....but hey....why not just claim to be HG Wells? WTF? He's not going to complain is he?
Get loads of tattoos....bad Indian ink jobbies....all misspelt. Put 'em everywhere....particularly your fingers.
Never had your ears pierced back when it was fashionable back in the 70's? Don't waste time....break out the hole punch and get started.
Not got a beer gut yet? Crack open a can and get working on it!
Watch "Carry on Camping".....and then dress identical to Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey's characters. Get sandals....loads of 'em! And like shorts, you have to wear them whatever the weather.
Tell everybody you want to live the real Spanish life in a rural community. Then when you get there whinge to everybody because there's no Marks and Spencers or ASDA on your doorstep. And even worse, the damn local peasants don't even speak English!
And don't bother going out and seeing the countryside or any places of interest.....just sit talking mindless cack on the Internet all day....with Sky TV on in the background.
When you get here....search out all Brits within a 30 mile radius. Meet them, befriend them....then go away and make up stories about them.
So that's my top ten tips for incoming Brits! I'm sure I've forgotten a few though!
It's over to you!
Oct 13th 2007, 5:57 pm
#2
Straw Man.
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: That, there, that's not my post count... nothing to see here, move along.
Posts: 46,302
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
You have such a chip on your shoulder man!
If they don't bother you, and you keep the hell away from them what's the problem?
If they don't bother you, and you keep the hell away from them what's the problem?
Oct 14th 2007, 2:02 pm
#3
Senior Moment
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: On the edge
Posts: 20,460
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Thats originality? 
Oct 14th 2007, 2:04 pm
#4
Straw Man.
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: That, there, that's not my post count... nothing to see here, move along.
Posts: 46,302
Oct 14th 2007, 2:13 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Sunny Manchester
Posts: 3,831
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Here's my top tips for anybody about to take the plunge!
Get yourself totally fluent......in lying and bullshitting to other Brits!
Perfect your resume and background......current trends indicate that you should have been the CEO of various multi-nationals....while serving in the SAS, the Navy Seals, and the UN peacekeeping force.....simultaneously.
And it wouldn't hurt to include a manned NASA space mission as well.
If you're not coming out in the immediate future, you may want to stay ahead of the game with your past accomplishments. So brush up on the concepts of time travel and invisibilty! Any HG Wells novel would be a good start.....but hey....why not just claim to be HG Wells? WTF? He's not going to complain is he?
Get loads of tattoos....bad Indian ink jobbies....all misspelt. Put 'em everywhere....particularly your fingers.
Never had your ears pierced back when it was fashionable back in the 70's? Don't waste time....break out the hole punch and get started.
Not got a beer gut yet? Crack open a can and get working on it!
Watch "Carry on Camping".....and then dress identical to Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey's characters. Get sandals....loads of 'em! And like shorts, you have to wear them whatever the weather.
Tell everybody you want to live the real Spanish life in a rural community. Then when you get there whinge to everybody because there's no Marks and Spencers or ASDA on your doorstep. And even worse, the damn local peasants don't even speak English!
And don't bother going out and seeing the countryside or any places of interest.....just sit talking mindless cack on the Internet all day....with Sky TV on in the background.
When you get here....search out all Brits within a 30 mile radius. Meet them, befriend them....then go away and make up stories about them.
So that's my top ten tips for incoming Brits! I'm sure I've forgotten a few though!
It's over to you!
Get yourself totally fluent......in lying and bullshitting to other Brits!
Perfect your resume and background......current trends indicate that you should have been the CEO of various multi-nationals....while serving in the SAS, the Navy Seals, and the UN peacekeeping force.....simultaneously.
And it wouldn't hurt to include a manned NASA space mission as well.
If you're not coming out in the immediate future, you may want to stay ahead of the game with your past accomplishments. So brush up on the concepts of time travel and invisibilty! Any HG Wells novel would be a good start.....but hey....why not just claim to be HG Wells? WTF? He's not going to complain is he?
Get loads of tattoos....bad Indian ink jobbies....all misspelt. Put 'em everywhere....particularly your fingers.
Never had your ears pierced back when it was fashionable back in the 70's? Don't waste time....break out the hole punch and get started.
Not got a beer gut yet? Crack open a can and get working on it!
Watch "Carry on Camping".....and then dress identical to Kenneth Williams and Charles Hawtrey's characters. Get sandals....loads of 'em! And like shorts, you have to wear them whatever the weather.
Tell everybody you want to live the real Spanish life in a rural community. Then when you get there whinge to everybody because there's no Marks and Spencers or ASDA on your doorstep. And even worse, the damn local peasants don't even speak English!
And don't bother going out and seeing the countryside or any places of interest.....just sit talking mindless cack on the Internet all day....with Sky TV on in the background.
When you get here....search out all Brits within a 30 mile radius. Meet them, befriend them....then go away and make up stories about them.
So that's my top ten tips for incoming Brits! I'm sure I've forgotten a few though!
It's over to you!
Oct 14th 2007, 7:45 pm
#6
Mucho Macho
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Huescar
Posts: 1,213
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your inane drivel guys! Been busy working!
Rolled out another new client's site and only 3 days start to finish as well....and that includes a 200 property upload and a server switch.
Of course, having been in this industry for 23 years and being non-Skills Plane qualified enables me to accomplish tasks that the wannabes and Johnny Come Latelys of this world can only dream of.
And....I even found time to do the washing as well! Because I'm multi-tasking.....as opposed to most Brits who are just multi-talentless!
This is Pete....non-Skills Plane, reasonable command of the Spanish language, no tattoos, no earrings, no beer gut (I don't drink), no skeletons in his closet, and still taking his styling cues from James Dean..... in Huescar! 'Ave it!
Rolled out another new client's site and only 3 days start to finish as well....and that includes a 200 property upload and a server switch.
Of course, having been in this industry for 23 years and being non-Skills Plane qualified enables me to accomplish tasks that the wannabes and Johnny Come Latelys of this world can only dream of.
And....I even found time to do the washing as well! Because I'm multi-tasking.....as opposed to most Brits who are just multi-talentless!
This is Pete....non-Skills Plane, reasonable command of the Spanish language, no tattoos, no earrings, no beer gut (I don't drink), no skeletons in his closet, and still taking his styling cues from James Dean..... in Huescar! 'Ave it!
Oct 14th 2007, 8:07 pm
#7
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: midlands/denia
Posts: 4,340
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Leave off Pete. That picture is about 3 years old.
Oct 14th 2007, 8:11 pm
#8
Mucho Macho
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Huescar
Posts: 1,213
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
It's about 18 months old Jules.....but it was the only photo of me doing the washing that I had! 
I've got some bike photos if you like?
I've got some bike photos if you like?
Oct 14th 2007, 8:23 pm
#9
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Sunny Manchester
Posts: 3,831
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
From that photo I can now determine the root of your self worth issues - you're GINGER!!!!
Sorry, I apologise for thinking you were just a nutter all this time - you have my sympathy!
Sorry, I apologise for thinking you were just a nutter all this time - you have my sympathy!
Oct 14th 2007, 8:30 pm
#10
Mucho Macho
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Huescar
Posts: 1,213
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Here's me in 1975....
These days my hair colour comes out of a bottle! But sometimes....the bottle gets here too late!
Still....what would you know about hair?
Oct 14th 2007, 8:50 pm
#13
Mucho Macho
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Huescar
Posts: 1,213
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Nothing like that Jules! But I'm sure you're missing Twat's party photos!
Here's a recent shot of the dirty old bastard up to no good.....with a young lady half his age....who's not his wife!
Don't know how he gets away with it.....he's so stupid he posts them all over the internet!
Here's a recent shot of the dirty old bastard up to no good.....with a young lady half his age....who's not his wife!
Don't know how he gets away with it.....he's so stupid he posts them all over the internet!
Oct 14th 2007, 8:51 pm
#14
RETIRED ;-))
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Benalmadena Pueblo,Spain
Posts: 20,156
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your inane drivel guys! Been busy working!
Rolled out another new client's site and only 3 days start to finish as well....and that includes a 200 property upload and a server switch.
Of course, having been in this industry for 23 years and being non-Skills Plane qualified enables me to accomplish tasks that the wannabes and Johnny Come Latelys of this world can only dream of.
And....I even found time to do the washing as well! Because I'm multi-tasking.....as opposed to most Brits who are just multi-talentless!
This is Pete....non-Skills Plane, reasonable command of the Spanish language, no tattoos, no earrings, no beer gut (I don't drink), no skeletons in his closet, and still taking his styling cues from James Dean..... in Huescar! 'Ave it!
Rolled out another new client's site and only 3 days start to finish as well....and that includes a 200 property upload and a server switch.
Of course, having been in this industry for 23 years and being non-Skills Plane qualified enables me to accomplish tasks that the wannabes and Johnny Come Latelys of this world can only dream of.
And....I even found time to do the washing as well! Because I'm multi-tasking.....as opposed to most Brits who are just multi-talentless!
This is Pete....non-Skills Plane, reasonable command of the Spanish language, no tattoos, no earrings, no beer gut (I don't drink), no skeletons in his closet, and still taking his styling cues from James Dean..... in Huescar! 'Ave it!
Oct 14th 2007, 9:03 pm
#15
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: midlands/denia
Posts: 4,340
Re: Preparation for coming to Spain!
Nothing like that Jules! But I'm sure you're missing Twat's party photos!
Here's a recent shot of the dirty old bastard up to no good.....with a young lady half his age....who's not his wife!
http://maximumbikes.com/rustysprocke...rement_105.jpg
Don't know how he gets away with it.....he's so stupid he posts them all over the internet!
Here's a recent shot of the dirty old bastard up to no good.....with a young lady half his age....who's not his wife!
http://maximumbikes.com/rustysprocke...rement_105.jpg
Don't know how he gets away with it.....he's so stupid he posts them all over the internet!