The Beast

I was delighted when recently asked by a friend to help her out with some extras work she had on her schedule...She is a professional guide and spends her days walking groups of Japanese, Canadians and Americans around the streets and sights of Barcelona..But she asked me to guide a group of ‘Wigan Warriors’ supporters on a visit to Montpellier to play the ‘Catalan Dragons’ this past Saturday.....Ummmm....I thought? OK then!
A day out in the city centre meandering the alleys and lanes visiting the churches and Cathedral enjoying a leisurely lunch in some French square sipping wine from the Languedoc-Roussillon region, showing off my language skills followed by a good game of rugby league.....Some f#cking hope?

I set off at 5am Saturday and picked up only 4 of the party of 12 from their luxury hotel on the ' Ramblas' in Barcelona... We were in a luxury Mercedes mini coach hired to shuttle them around for the weekend....After half an hour on 'Big Pats' ( The group leader)’s mobile, I directed the driver, who couldn't find the f###ing hotel in the first place, to circum navigate the city to the local ' Municipal' police station in Badalona on the outskirts......Where the rest of the group had spent the night in a communal cell with a ' Gitano' stag do with whom they had had an altercation the night before in some dodgy brothel....Result being that they were all banged up and ended sleeping the drunk off together.

After negotiating down the fine from 2000 to 1320 Euros and paying the swarthy looking sergeant who insisted on speaking only ' Malagan' Catalan and proceeded to bin the money in his back sky before the others coppers could see......I bundled the lads onto the coach and set off for French France! Only five had their passports so we were fortunate any border control was as slack as ever...........

4 Hours later we were dropped off in the very impressive the ‘Place de Comedie’ in the centre of Montpellier.
Realising this group of lads was not up for the cultural whirlwind I had planned; I had them ensconced in a little cafe for a quick breakfast downing half litres of crap French bier at 5 Euros a throw in a rather boisterous manner and was contemplating doing a runner for an hour of culture bashing when the slightly intimidated cafe owner pleaded with me to stick around and sample a free croissant or two.....I went to photograph the nearest church...

The match was being played at the ‘ Stade de las Mosson’ which is on the outskirts of the city and kick off was at 3pm so instructions were given to meet up at 1.45pm....Duly arranged they they all turned up promptly with a couple of crates of more crap French bier, half a dozen bottles of ‘ Vin ordinaire’....Two dodgy Italian geezers they met in the bar and the two local street walkers they had hooked up with and a huge ornamental bong they had either stolen or bought from somewhere......

Alcohol is banned from private hire transport as it is everywhere but a 50 Euro note in the drivers bin and we were off in search of the stadium and the match...

An enjoyable afternoon was spent in a friendly family atmosphere with some decent rugby and a fine win for Wigan.....Time to go home, I hoped....Back to the mini coach and waited...Up turned all of them, including the Italian gentleman and their companions...

All on board we headed for Spain through traffic congestion I thought you could only find on the M25.......Wine and more dodgy French bier was consumed by the group and when one of the Eyeties sparked up the bong with some ‘ Black Morroccan’ it all turned into a blur.... I suggested a toilet stop in Girona....Up went a cheer....

Bad move!!! The lavatorial break soon morphed into a beer and booze fest and at 3am I had to drag who I could out of a very expensive Japanese restaurant and bundle semi coherent singing drunks onto the mini coach with half a dozen ‘Mosas de Sqaudra’ watching on in amusement.

We eventually arrived back at their hotel in Barca at 7am Sunday morning less one Italian gentleman and his lady whom we lost somewhere in Girona??
I arranged taxis for the lads to the airport, said farewell to the other Italian and his new girlfriend and made my way back home....Totally bollixed...A couple of days rest and I rang my friend and asked her when could I do another fill in for her?

A great day!!

dorishaslop

sounds like a good time was had by all

Domino

Just next time you get one of these freebies

ASK EVERYONE FROM BE TO COME ALONG AS WELL

reminds me of a few "cultural visits" made by HM warships over the years, but on this occasion there is someone around to actually record it

Lynn R

For a small fee, I will come along to translate - if the fans are from Wigan, you will probably need it, and as a native Wiganer I am fluent in Lanky!

pwwm

yep me to and a huge Warriors fan, my mug here has Warriors all over it, go Wigan

Lynn R

What I'd really like to know is, how did the travelling fans manage to get through an entire weekend without pies - or did they bring their own supplies?

pwwm will know what I mean!