a.l.oldfield

My fiance and I are wanting to move to Spain next february/march. My family have no idea I have these intentions as I've been to worried to bring it up incase they get upset or don't want me to go. Or even worse tell me not to be stupid it would never work etc. I am really close to my immediate family as well as my nan grandad aunts and uncles.
So this is a question to those who have already made the move.. how did you tell your family? And more importantly, are you still close to your family? I'd hate to not keep the closeness that we have.

pwwm

We are older than you, but we had to tell our sons and telling my aunt was very hard, they actually all said go for it. We are still just as close as ever, remember, very easy to pop back to see people and also for them to come here.

I am sure they will miss you, quite normal that, everyone, or at least most have a "knee jerk" reaction when family leave, but only 3 hours away by plane.

Just sit them down but have a few ideas for them, or work you are after and area, then they may feel better about it. Let them know you are actually doing research.

Good luck let us know how you get on

jimenato

It was quite difficult when we sailed away 10 years ago. My parents were both 83 at that time and Dad was quite upset - I was as well - it was potentially the last time we would see them and we did think of waiting until they were 'gone'.

But here I am in England visiting them - both still OK at 93 - good thing we didn't wait.

Lesson - It's your life, do what you want to do when you want to do it. Promise to keep in touch and visit and encourage them to visit you. My Mum and Dad are too old but MIL visits from time to time

elspeth sinclair

Don't tell them until you're there and settled. Make sure they know your not running a free bed and breakfast. Good luck.

HBG

The blunt truth is that you do lose some contact with friends and family if you move abroad, and the longer you stay away, the worse it gets. The two-hour plane ride is a myth, the actual travelling will involve at least a day and probably many more days of stress on both sides.

I’m often amazed by the lack of contact between expats and close family back home, possibly for reasons connected with the move abroad in the first place.

Some years ago I was friendly with an elderly expat who lived in Albir. One day we were sitting outside a sea-side bar in the sun when a young skinhead approached us. He didn’t look too friendly and stopped in front of us.

He said to my pal, “I’m the grandson you’ve never seen,” followed by a string of abuse.

I’m lucky, my youngest grandson is splashing about in my pool as I write.

jay01

Having just made the move my only piece of advice would be is follow your heart. I do not regret moving here although my daughter was more than a little upset when we told her but as I said to her, it is our life and should it have been her doing it I would say go for it, she has now come round to the idea and she is only a phone call away.

The question you have to ask yourself is are you prepared for the move to change your relationship with your family if not then maybe now is not the right time to move, but if you do not move you may end up blaming them in a small way, for not going when you had the chance.

The relationship you have with your family is only as strong as you want it to be or as strong as they are prepared to make it. Any objections by them is for selfish reasons and not necessarily in your interest but you have to have the determination to carry through.

It is not all plain sailing when you get to Spain, there is a chance of feeling lonely and a little isolated as you do not have the family and friends around you but it is up to you as to what you do.

If you try and it fails nothing lost but lots of experience gained and you pick yourself up and start again. If you stay there will you wonder what if.

JetBlast

I am 19 and i have plans to go to study in Australia and will probably stop there if i can. I told my parents a few months back now. My father is still upset about it. He wont talk to me about me staying there.

I found it very hard, i started to tell them many times but ended up not doing.

CBANDY

I moved here alone when i was 24, i was only comming for a summer wprking holiday. I ended up getting a job all year round. That was 12 years ago and now we are planning our move back. My family were not so upset as it was supposed to be a short term move for me but came round to the idea of me staying permenant. I think it made it easier for me and them. But now I have a family of my own the reality of our situation is a lot stronger for me. i look at what my brother and sister have and i long for it. Just popping round to mum and dads every other day. I want my kids to have that with their grandparents as well. It will be hard moving back but now that I am recently unemployed the decision to move back is easier. I never regret it though and would say good luck and gp for it.

JustinTime

In 1997 we moved from the 'North' of the UK to Munich with our five year old; we then moved to Paris in 98 and then to Sydney in 2000. We had our second child in Aus and moved back to the UK but the 'South' until just last month when we moved out to Spain. So it's a long time since we actually lived down the road from family and the longing to be able to spontaneously drop in for a coffee never goes away. But the benefit is that your relationship with them is stronger and when they visit you it is quality time that you have planned for. If you don't have children then it is the ideal time for you to make the move. It is very cheap to fly to the UK now, in fact it probably works out cheaper for our family to fly to Spain than it did to drive to our house in Surrey. Don't get yourself tied up in knots if people say it won't work out. Things sometimes don't and you just look for something else exciting to do! You will need some money and an idea of how you will support yourself in this difficult economic time.

paintermujer

Not sure if thats the way to do it really and how could you plan a life changing move without telling family members.

I had quite a lot of upset with my mum before we came here and to a degree it has carried on through phone calls etc.She still dosent want to know too much what we are doing and resents us leaving her.

If we had just left without a word then I dread to think!!!!!'

scampicat

We had no parents to consider, but did have our 24-year-old son. We spoke to him about it and said we wanted him to live in our house with a friend to caretake it and generate an income to pay the bills for it. (He was single and at the time was living in an investment property that we owned and that was being sold).

He could not have been more supportive and we are only a phone call away He lives in the house with his girlfriend and a lodger and it all works well.

In fact last year and this we are doing 50-50 in each country and are in the UK at the moment. (living with son, girlfriend and lodger in a small terraced house with only one bathroom. It's like student digs!).

So your family may well be supportive if you approach it the right way.

Michael74

We were positively encouraged to move here by our daughter, we were both retired and usually spent 2 months at a time here twice a year. It was no problem going back as often as we wished and to occasionaly drive back was very enjoyable. We were also visited by the three grandsons (youngest being 16 at the time)

However. things have now changed!! Our 'family' all emigrated to Australia 2 years ago and although we would never have tried to discourage them as we considered it their right to start a new life with far better prospects than if they stayed in UK but we were quite upset (never letting them know that) as we are both in our 70's and you do feel the need for family as you get older.

We have visited them in Australia once but cannot foresee if we would be able to afford to do it again very soon. However it's not all doom and gloom as we keep abreast of their life in Oz with the internet Skype which brings them right into our home here.

What we will miss is probably seeing the 3 grandsons getting married and starting families of their own.

The upside is that we both really enjoy our life her in Spain, we have loads of friends and a far better life here with the social life, lots of friends and we think that it has added years to our life. Before we came here it was 'Library on a Wed, Tesco's on a Fri. and daughter's at the weekend and that was it!!


a.l.oldfield's posting makes me wonder how old they are and whether they have really researched the move to Spain in view of the amount of people there are out of work and the language problem if they are wanting to work.

Spanish John

We moved from the Manchester area up to the Lake District where we stayed for 17 years up until 2.5 years ago when we moved to the Costa del Sol. We were only a 2 hour drive away from the family so it was not to bad, they got used to the idea that we were visitable and it was not upsetting when we moved to Spain, because when we first came here flight prices were at rock bottom, they have since steadily crept up with all the add on charges and so making it expensive for visits. What I would like to add is that I hope you have done you homework workwise and buying/renting etc.,because I can assure you that things here are on their knees as far as work is concerned, we have made and lost so many friends who have gone back to the UK because there just is no work available, bars and businesses are really struggling. If you make the move I hope it goes well for you, maybe a short visit first to check things out would be an option....good luck..
John.

Michael74

Good advice a.l.oldfield from Spanish John. We came here 6 years ago. We have four pensions between us two good ones (can't say the same for the State pensions) but even so we have to watch our pennies now as the cost of living and the exchange rate has not done us any favours.

elspeth sinclair

I felt that at 56 I was not answerable to anyone except my husband who was keen to go to Spain and we have been here 18 years now. My high earning offspring still come for their freebies.