maureen111

I'm an expat. I've joined the Spanish forum but am not in Spain, very close though.

I've been here a few years and am really struggling.

I've tried to integrate myself into the community but it's hard. Where I live is a tourist spot so not a lot going on throughout the year apart from the summer months.

It's pooring down with rain today which I'm actually happy about, it reflects my mood and makes me feel less guilty about staying in my PJ's all day.

I purchased a property so thinking it would be wise, but I'm stuck here feeling isolated and alone - apart from the stray cats that I've adopted and are here sleeping around me protected from the rain.

I know I did the right thing leaving the UK for a fresh start but seem to be indifferent to it all.

I'm on my own and though I always felt better for it, I'm feeling lonely and incapable. My place is a bit of a mess and though I know it would take me a few hours to give it a good clean and make it my own, I just don't see the point.

I must admit I'm at a very low point and hope once it gets warmer I'll see things differently but.

I've not shared how I felt for a long, long time and often read threads by people that are so worse off than me pulling through and turning a corner, hence why I'm writing this.

Just a rant really, to be heard. It's been years since anyone heard how I've felt.

Wish I was in Spain - I speak the language, know the score and love the people.

Thanks for reading

Chiclanagir

You need to see a doctor, it sounds as if you could be suffering from the start of depression. Have you any friends where you are or do you have family or friends in the UK who could come out and see you.

Rosemary

As Concierge for the Spanish section of BE I would like to say hello and welcome.

BE is a very large expat website, so if you have problems finding your way around we have concierges who will try to direct you. The moderators for the Spanish forums are Mitzyboy and Fred James, moderators are there to ensure that the site runs smoothly within the rules of BE. Problems and complaints should always be addressed to a moderador who will look into the matter and deal with it efficiently and fairly. Our members who post in the Spain Forums are friendly and helpful with a wealth of knowledge of the issues of living in Spain. At the top of the page you will find a quirkily named thread called Free Beer which is full of important and useful information. Hope you enjoy your time participating in the forums.

I agree that you sound like you are suffering from depression and events such as an Easter weekend can emphasize these feelings of being lost and alone. Why not join in with the discussions here and on the forum where you are living and make some friends. Think about what made you decide on the place that you chose to live and see whether those things are still relevant to you. Quite often when we are down we focus on the negative so I challenge you to find three positive things about where you live, the life that you live there and what attracted you there.

Please let me know if you need any further help.

Rosemary

maureen111

When I came here, I'd had such a hard time in the UK. I'd suffered from depression and anxiety (Dr Said!!) and had to finish my career. Laterly I lost my Mum to lung cancer and sold the house to do probate 50/50 between me and my brother.

Well, I lost the peak of the market and it took me a few years to sell it. I'd had offers but because it was ex local authority, 1. the roof wasn't right and 2. there wasn't enough owners ie. of the block the bank wanted at least 1/3 to be owner occupiers. Well we were one short til unbeknownst to me those above me were in the process of buying thiers!!

Anyhow, I didn't know where I was going to go till a week before I came here.

The bank wouldn't give me a temp overdraft to move. But I had a friend down here that made me decide it would be a good start and sent someone up to get me, all my stuff and my cat!!

I think it was a good move generally but since then it's gone Pete Tong. She dumped me within 3 months. Wrote and said "I can only help you in emergencies" - to this day she has never given me a reason. We got on so well, I thought. Laughed and cried - never argued.

Anyhow that was that and a while ago now. I feel really angry with her though - she knew I was vulnerable and on my todd and she never told me why she didn't want anything to do with me anymore!?

So I bought this place that was for sale next to where she found me a place to rent. It's lovely but I must say I only bought it cause my lease was up and I literally couldn't move due to a very deep depression that came over me and no car, friends or support.

So much has happened since then which I'll not go into now. I've don't regret where I am, It's so quiet compared to where I live in the UK. No dogs barking nor anti-social behaviour by neighbours.

Excuse me for just saying it as it is. I'd just like to hear from people and or others that may feel the same.

Rosemary

I will move this thread into Siesta as it is nothing to do with Spain.

Rosemary

maureen111

Hi Ladies - Rosmary and Chicla..??

I know I'm depressed. I'm feeling so tired and think I should get some blood tests done ie thyroid, anaemia etc. It's not normal to feel so tired like I do but I'm more concerned about my apathy and indifference to everything.

I came here to a big change and with some hope that I could turn things around for myself. I was optimistic about things somewhat. Living in a beautiful, historic area and wanting to learn the language.

Well, I've just ordered a cd language course from amazon though i'd really have liked to have signed up to the university to learn it and meet people.

For example, I bought a new car in Sept 2011 - I've probably done 3000 kilometres in that time. Only.

I know my time here won't last and I don't want to have to return to the UK without having any nice memories to take with me. Not sure if it's the illness that can be fixed or, more worryingly my character, someone I've become.

maureen111

Why move my thread?

I posted it on here cause I want a response from people. I'm reaching out to be heard and don't want to be pushed aside.

OK - What's the weather like in Spain today?? Remember last year when it was really hot and I had my shorts on?? What a difference a year makes!!

Least it's not snowing!

Chiclanagir

The illness will do that for you. Get to a doctor. I had a friend who suffered terribly but with medication she got over it and started her own business. You may also be anaemic. Do you have a good diet? Try to get out to speak to people. Is there a local forum in your area?

maureen111

Well I'm trying to speak to you aren't I??

maureen111

God on a Bike!!!

The Beast

I'd give up the weed to start with!

maureen111

Thanks for your empathy - it's blinding

I came down here for a fresh start, cause I could cause Mum died and left me money.

I've bumped into a lot of expats (all old) that have done the same though they are, I find, drunks and often beat their wives. (different generation??).

They are also often Northerners as before the cheap flights came along they'd come down by coach from Manchester, Hull and other northern town. How things change!!

Anyhow, I'm also struggling with the fact the new harsh regime in England will take away my benefits, incapacity, as I moved here with that income in mind and rely on it. I'm up for a assessment sometime soon.

If they do take it away I'll cash in my assets and move on and travel the world, tired or not. I can envisage experiencing life on a scale I'd not get by sticking around here.

Good luck to you all xx

maureen111

Why would you say that?

I was thinking of going to the boarder and getting some as I seem to remember feeling fine on it.

All this sobriety is over-rated!! At least when I'm stoned I'm not so sensitive as I am now, like I couldn't give a t**s!!

EMR

If you posted where you are maybe there is someone who could give you details of local support groups, expat groups etc.At the moment we are all in the dark and cannot really help.

maureen111

Thanks for your concern but I posted on here and I can't see the problem

Is this like a postcode lottery?? Am I not welcome here??