Hi All,

Had one of those early morning phone calls you dread this morning, from my dad in the UK to say that my mum had fallen over and bashed her head up bad so I am off tomorrow night to lend a hand etc.

I just wondered if anyone was up to date on help for OAPs in UK at the moment via social services, or just any advice generally.

Mum (79) and Dad (80) have seemed to have aged alarmingly in the last few years, Mum with neck verterbrae deteriation and a dodgy broken ankle from an accident on a step ladder cleaning the bleeding windows! which has left her very wobbly to say the least. My Dad has become increasingly short term memory forgetful and gets very frustrated/panicky about routine things.

They live in their own house in Dorset and luckily the neighbours around them are very helpful, but the incidents in which I have to fly home on mercy missions seem to be getting more and more frequent. Not that I mind obviously. They have no family in that area so its not as though I can ask relatives to check up on them at all.

They are still trying to be very independent, this I think is their downfall.

I just wondered if anyone had any ideas about some sort of social care in their own home I could arrange but still maintain their independence and dignity.

PS. I have asked them to move over and pool money for a property with granny flat but was told an emphatic NO! :curse:

Thanks

Hello,

If you get intouch with your parents GP, discuss your concerns about your parents and their wellbeing, explaining that they cannot no longer cope and he should then put you intouch with a community district nurse, they should then offer a package of care. Explain to them that your parents require help throughout the day and they can come up with carers coming in throughout the day to offer help to your parents.
Hope this helps.

Leanne xx

Have they lived in their house so long that they do not want to leave it or is it more about maintaining independence?

My mother-in-law used to live in her own flat and maintained her independence until her death at 93 years old. Her flat had bell pulls to gain help and was part of a community which had wardens who checked on peoples well being daily and would call doctor etc if necessary. This gave her an the family a feeling of security and peace of mind whilst she remained totally independent. When she had a stroke a home help was organised by Social Services but she soon stopped this and did it herself.

I think that a chat with your local Social Services to gain an assessment of your parents needs is your way forward if a move is out of the question.

Good Luck and I hope that your mother gets well quickly.

Rosemary

Sorry to hear that. Be wary for what you sign up for. Wouldn't want the Government getting their hands on your parents house to cover their care.

Hi,
Also, check with your parents' local Citizens' Advice Bureau for information on how to go about getting extra help (paid or unpaid). Some councils/L.A.s also run special "home repair/maintenance" schemes for the elderly or people who are housebound. As you said, many accidents happen in the home.
Likewise to the above post, open the channels of communication between yourself and the GP, District Nurse, and the Health Visitor. They (along with Social Services) will assess and help to plan a package of care in the community, which already may have been flagged up by the Care of the Elderly team (Geriatrics & Social Services) at your parents' local hospital. Your family's wishes should be noted, and, with some help, they may continue to live at home independently.
Best wishes for your family,
Carol

Hi i am a staff nurse so deal with your predicament all the time, most GP's should be able to point you in the right direction, but if not ring your local social services and they will tell you of a range of services available. Some times depending on financial circumstances you have to pay for the extra help other times you have funding towards it. Help can be anything from carers going in up to 4 times a day or the odd call during the week to check on them. It can include personal and domestic help, doing the cooking, cleaning or shopping. There are some centres that have weekly meeting like help the aged where similar aged folk get the chance to meet up and have a chat, play bingo, have a dinner cooked for them or they organise trips out usually arranging transport. This all obviously depends on the services available in your local area but hopefully gives you an idea of what is available. You will need an inital assessment by social services who will then let you know what they can do for you. Good luck, if you need any additional help you can always pm me.

Thanks for all your replies.

They have been really helpful.

I will speak to GP/Social Services when I get back to UK.

I do worry about the financial issues as well. My parents are finally mortgage free after all this time, have a nice house, small pensions etc. Don't smoke or drink and have worked fully up to retirement ages.

I hear horror stories about private carers that charge a fortune and are not good at all. I will look into the NHS social route when I get back.

Thanks so much everyone... I am really stressing! :curse:

I dunno eh.. Kids, dogs and parents! Bless em!

Maybe they want to relocate to Spain?

It is a stressful time when the tables are turned.
You will learn to cope, same as your parents are doing just now. I always think that if I were to place myself in their shoes, how would I feel or cope?
Ask for help and get an assessment, then you'll know how to take it from thereon.

Thanks, I only want to do what is best for them. And it has to be something that they want as well! I will get Social to do an assessment, as long as the stubborn parents let them step over the threshold that is!

I feel frustrated that I haven't got the answers really... I know it sounds daft.

Thanks to everyone.

If you are able to be there when your parents are assessed it will be helpful because the elderly are notorious for lying through their teeth about what they are still able to do. That sounds so negative but it is so true, they are so afraid that someone is going to put them in a home that they are not truthful.

Rosemary

Thanks Rosemary.

I have a one way ticket back so I will arrange the assessment whilst I am there. The last thing I want to do is put them in a home!

Phoned them an hour or so ago, Mother has obviously bashed her jaw cos she can't speak properly. She says she feels she is 'rotting'. Just upset and in shock I think... just not accepting that she is getting older and can't do as much.

I just think that there is not much I can do really. But fingers crossed will try and organise something....

Have they been very active in the past Sarah? I remember my Dad was extremely active throughout his life and when he approached his mid eighties he used to say the same kind of thing, because he was unable to do what he wanted to do any more.

And another thought, rather than a home, have you thought of those retirement complexes. I used to work in a few of them in Warwick and they were like hotels in side. You buy your own apartment within the complex, and theres a communal area for socialising. But its not like a home as such and they don't have that kind of atmosphere.

Hi, I am also a nurse who works with the elderly, and agree with all the above advise, you need to contact the local social services, explain that you have come over from Spain, and that you would like a 'Community Care Assessment' doing on your parents. This will assess their needs, and they will need to know what things are proving to be difficult, and, give advise on how to provide help. They will need to do a financial assessment, as if they have above a certain amount in the bank ( I think it is about £16,000 or something similar) they would be classed a 'self funding'.

If it is only a short term problem because of the fall, which is likely to improve, we in our area have a thing called the Intermediate Care Team, who can provide care for upto 6 weeks ( ifr there is a rehabilitation need there)

Hope you get it sorted out.

K
x