I hear she speaks highly of you too!!!

Not really had a date... but some girl in school fancied me and her mum knew so invited me round to watch a movie with her

First date - I was 15 and wore glasses, I was asked out by a boy from work. I decided to leave my glasses off, thinking I would be ok for an evening out, local cafe and a walk through the park maybe But Noooo - he decided to go to the pictures (Boston Strangler I remember was on) I couldn't see a bloomin thing

The first time I ever got properly invited around to my girlfriend's house I was about 15. Being very cool - I used to smoke. I remember that the girl I was seeing wanted me to meet her parents (a bit heavy at 15) but nevertheless I agreed. She told me that they hated smokers and smoking.

So I'd not long had a fag before I walked up her garden path. I thought I'd hide the smell of smoke by popping a chewing gum in my mouth for that spearmint minty freshness.

The door was opened by her Dad. They'd had a new carpet laid in the hall. As I entered the house I went to speak to him and accept the offer to shake his hand. As I reached out I spluttered on the gum and it flew out of my mouth like a mini-projectile, bounced off his slipper and on to the new carpet. To this day I don't know why I did what I did next...

In the pathetic hope that he wouldn't have noticed I'd just spat chewing gum at him, I immediately tried to hide the fact by standing on the offending piece of gum so it was out of view. Of course, in doing so, I merely pushed it into the new carpet much to the look of absolute horror expressed by my girlfriend's father. I realised by his facial expression he was only too aware of what I'd just done.

To make matters worse I then pretended that I'd only just realised what I'd done so I bent forward to try and seperate the chewing gum from the carpet and my shoe. At this point, the cigarrettes I'd hidden slipped from my front pocket and landed in front of him next to his other slipper.

I barely saw her again after that

Just like a scene from a Mike Leigh film

The first time I met the in-laws, I stepped onto the dog's water bowl, and sent it and dogfood flying all over the kitchen - note that MIL is an obsessive compulsive cleaning nutcase.

This was not my first date with my ex, but it is the first time I went to visit my MIL in her new house (I had been with her son for 2 years and our wedding was planned) after catching three buses to their new home, walking up four flights of stairs, I rang the door bell, future MIL opened the door and said "oh, it's you, I thought Henry would find himself a nice girl now we have moved". Should have taken that as a hint

Gee whiz

In case anyone's interested, my first date with fit new man last night was fabulous

I'll be the one to voice what everyone wants to know.

Did you shag him?

Hey!! That was my line!!! and was it any good??

Did he have a six pack?

Was he well endowed?

God, you've got a smutty mind!!!

Of course (but I bet you would like to know the answers)