simon2129

My wife and i have been looking to emigrate for 2 years now.We have informed our widowed parents and kept them aware of every stage of buying our house in Spain .Why is it that now the time has actually arrived to move ,they have a knack of making you feel as if you are abandoning them .We haved lived quite near to our parents and they have never really bothered with us or our children so why do we feel so guilty .Has anyone else experianced similar?. Thanks

rugbymatt

My parents couldn't wait to get rid of me..................funny really.



Mind you, I did go to public school and it does tend to make you a better person I feel.

Mitzyboy

Mmmmmm ..... I'm not going to help your cause I'm afraid. My father died some years before we moved. He was in his eighties. I could never have considered moving over here if he were still alive, I couldn't have lived with the guilt, but it sounds like we were closer to him than you with yours. However often you dont appreciate what you have until you aint got it any more and maybe you're making yourself feel guilty rather than they making you feel it .... dunno .... worth considering

We left our daughter in the UK ...... that was bad enough, and I still feel guilty about that to some extent. But at least she can look after herself.

So ..... not helpful I know .... but if you've made the decision then all I can say is make sure that you go back regularly, or they come to see you regularly.

Mitzyboy

I didn't realise you were a posh nobber

Same Difference

rugbymatt

Oh Ya.

brisca

Hi Simon,

I'll reply to you, eve though you are a Toffee!

We moved to Spain two years ago.
My partner's parents have both passed away, but mine are very much still here
They are relatively young (in their 60s) and apart from my poor Mum's arthritis, they are thankfully in reasonably good health.

We talked to them about our desire to make the most of this opportunity to experience a new life; and it was very important to me that they were not too devastated about our plans.
However, as they had looked to emigrate to Canada themselves when I was only 2, I think this helped them to balance up their feelings and our wishes.
My parents have been wholeheartedly supportive of our move, even though I know they miss me.
They understand that we have to live our lives for ourselves, and that just because we're a few hundred miles away, I don't love them any less.

I can't say I've ever felt guilty, nor have I ever missed my parents desperately - even though my Mum and I are especially close.
My parents view this as an indication of how happy I am, rather than a snub towards them.

We speak on the phone at least twice a week; and to be honest I see them probably just as often now, as I did when I was living in Somerset and they were in Wales!
Perhaps the thing that stops me from feeling guilty, is that I know that if they need me at any time, I can be with them within just a few hours.
As my parents get older, I fully anticipate that there will be spells when I will need to be back in the UK caring for them.

We only get one shot at life, and the older we get, the clearer that becomes.
Perhaps your parents are regretting that you haven't all had a closer relationship, and are now realising that they're going to miss out on that opportunity?

I wish you luck with your new venture, and hope that you can leave the UK feeling better about the situation with your parents.
However, if not, don't beat yourselves up about it. It's your life, and presumably you're trying to create something positive for your children.
Just remember not to be too disheartened if your kids decide to move to another country when they're older!

All the very best to you and your family,
Sam.

derbyflan

Fag..... anyone?

brisca

No empezamos!!

Hey DF
How are you................and how's the gorgeous Owen?
Have you got any more photos?
xx

rugbymatt

You took yer time!


I started an agro thread just for you!

Rosemary

They are probably using emotional blackmail because they expected that you would always live close enough to visit you if they felt like it and now you are removing that possibility from them. There is also a chance that they are gradually facing the fact that they are getting older and may become less able and therefore in the back of their minds they have probably reassured themselves that you are handy if anything occurred. Emphasize to them the fact that if there is an emergency at any time that you can get back in a short time and this may relieve some of their anxiety. Most people like to feel secure so the fact that what they have known for many years is about to change will have made them feel insecure and this may be why you are getting these messages.

Good Luck

Rosemary

twyntub

Yes. Ditto. Couldn't be a better description of what happened to us. Now we're in Spain, they've never once visited (other family members and friends have been over many times!) - but we've accepted their choice (hard as it is) and we're living our own lives here in Spain.

The feelings of guilt are perfectly normal, but must not be allowed to get in the way of your family's wishes and future. And remember, you're only a couple of hours away. Good luck

Wendy Nesbeth

Yes I feel very guilty, especially as mum is nearly 94 & has short term memory loss, we have been here 4 years & I am beginning to feel even more guilty as we cant go over to London that often because our pension is so low.

Wendy x

anabella

When I told my parents I was moving abroad they didn't seem to take me serious and when I was about to leave they tried to put me off with a lot of negativity . It didn't work at all, I've always been very stubborn but even more so back then.. If I wanted to do something nothing would stop me..

Simon, it sounds like your parents were in denial, they knew you were moving but they didn't want to admit to themselves that the day would come..

mikeoc

Nothing wrong with boarding school, I'm going back to mine for a reunion in November