can't go home

Old May 31st 2010, 10:35 am
  #1  
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Default can't go home

I'm not sure how I feel about this - part of me feels that the courts & her ex are being unreasonable - part of me can see that the courts & her ex have a point.

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DESPERATE MUM Laura Jeremy believes she is being forced to live in Spain by an unfair court order so that her British ex-husband can see his two young children.

The 23-year-old is running out of money and wants to go back to the Isle of Wight and the physical, financial and emotional support of her close-knit family.

what do you think?
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Old May 31st 2010, 10:47 am
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Default Re: can't go home

Mmm this is a difficult one

Given that they have been in Spain for 12 years, had the children in Spain and the husband is paying 400 euros per month to upkeep the children, I think it is reasonable that the children should live in Spain.

In divorce cases they always look at the previous life before the divorce i.e. the standard of living the family have come to expect. In this case the family was one that lived in Spain. If the mother wants to go back to the UK maybe she should leave the children with the father.

If the father wont take custody of the children, then the mother should be able to go back to the UK with the children.

I have an American friend in London who has a similar case. He has to pay his American wife half his salary to upkeep the children, but on condition that they stay in London and dont move back to the US.
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Old May 31st 2010, 11:12 am
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Default Re: can't go home

This is a tricky one, but speaking as a father who would want the best for his children, I think it is best that they leave, if their life is so hard. Othe way of seeing the children could be put in place, which could satisfy all concerned.

Of course it would not be the same as seeing the children on a regular basis, but there are thousands of mums and dads in the armed services that dont have a normal family life either.



When a divorce happens something has to give.

Court rulings are made and are right for the time they are made, but life and circumstances change and so the court rulings can change from being a good thing to having a detremental effect on the family concerned,

It seems to me that the father is being a bit bloodyminded, this mum cannot manage on her money with all the child care costs and other expenses involved in raising 2 children.

It seems very unfair that for the measly sum of 400 euros he can hold so much power over their lives.

Seeing their father is important for any child, I would not disagree with that, but it is also important that they can live with a bit of dignity that a decent income brings, and that their mother who is with them for the other 710 hours a month (as opposed to his 8 hours) should have the right to decide what is best for them.

She does not seem to want to go back to the UK to spite him, but for genuine concern for herself and her children.

If it is stalemate, then maybe the courts should make him pay more than he is paying, at least hre should pay the childcare costs as well as the 400euros.

I am a father myself and I would rather see less of my children than have them struggling.

With cheap travel and Skype, it is not a case of UK being on the other side of the moon.

In cases like this sacrifices have to be made all round.

Also she is only 23, and the children are very young, if they were oldre she would only have a few years to hold on and then the children would be old enough todecide wether to say with their father in Spain or return to the UK with their mother.

Judging by the age of the children, she would have to tough it out in Spain for another 14 or 15 years at the very least, so we are not talking about a short time, this would be a long term struggle.


I personally would let them go, see my children in holidays, and know that although they would miss me and I them, it would be the best thing, as an unhappy mum has it more difficult to bring up happy children.
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Old May 31st 2010, 11:27 am
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Default Re: can't go home

The mother is only 23!!

I missed that bit, then yes let her go back to the UK. I thought they had been together as a couple in Spain for 12 years so obviously that is where they had seen their life

But obviously that isnt true so she should have the right to move back with the children.
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Old May 31st 2010, 4:45 pm
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Default Re: can't go home

Have joined the facebook group, not sure what help that will be but the more the better.. She and the children are suffering under the current situation.
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Old May 31st 2010, 7:52 pm
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Default Re: can't go home

Gulp, what a horrible predicament! I'm not even going to comment...
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:03 am
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Default Re: can't go home

they were back in court yesterday - the father has signed a release paper allowing Laura to return to the UK
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:10 am
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Default Re: can't go home

Lets just hope when she returns that she has it in her to allow the children access to their father. All children should see their parents what ever the circumstances, he has realised that forcing them to live in abject poverty is not the right way to do it but she needs to assist him in keeping contact with his kids.

Parents may hate each other but it is such a destructive emotion that it is NEVER worth it in the long run. With family and friends around her she may be unsure on letting them go to Spain on their own but someone may be able to put him up so he can visit them where she lives.

Good luck to her and the children where ever they may settle and he is a bigger man to allow them to leave. But in the end it is what is best for the little ones and 2 happy parents, contact with both and a full and happy childhood is essential.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:17 am
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Default Re: can't go home

Originally Posted by jay01
Lets just hope when she returns that she has it in her to allow the children access to their father. All children should see their parents what ever the circumstances, he has realised that forcing them to live in abject poverty is not the right way to do it but she needs to assist him in keeping contact with his kids.

Parents may hate each other but it is such a destructive emotion that it is NEVER worth it in the long run. With family and friends around her she may be unsure on letting them go to Spain on their own but someone may be able to put him up so he can visit them where she lives.

Good luck to her and the children where ever they may settle and he is a bigger man to allow them to leave. But in the end it is what is best for the little ones and 2 happy parents, contact with both and a full and happy childhood is essential.
from what I've read - and I know the reporter who wrote the article personally, and he does check his facts - she has no problem with allowing access

it won't be too hard for him to see his kids really, though, will it?

he can just jump on a plane - & if he books enough in advance as so many 'UK/Spain commuters' do, it needn't cost much either
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:34 am
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Default Re: can't go home

All I was doing was wishing all the parties well but at the heart of the issue are the little ones. Sometimes as adults we can not see the wood for the trees and take out our pain with the other party by using access as a weapon. I grew up not seeing my father from the age of 4 but recognised him instantly when I was 16 and saw him while I was at a function I was attending but it shaped the way I dealt with my kids and how much they should relate to their father. In their case their father left the country and it would have been so simple to taint their view with my pain but that would not have been fair. He lost out so much when he left that when he returned you could feel nothing but pity at just how many yrs he had lost with them, they are now young adults and see him when they want without the haze of my disappointment at the relationship ending.

In the case of the lady forced to stay in Spain he was trying to do what he thought the children needed without looking at the bigger picture, thankfully this has been rectified and I was just pointing out that I hope she does not let any hate affect her.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:39 am
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Default Re: can't go home

Originally Posted by jay01
All I was doing was wishing all the parties well but at the heart of the issue are the little ones. Sometimes as adults we can not see the wood for the trees and take out our pain with the other party by using access as a weapon. I grew up not seeing my father from the age of 4 but recognised him instantly when I was 16 and saw him while I was at a function I was attending but it shaped the way I dealt with my kids and how much they should relate to their father. In their case their father left the country and it would have been so simple to taint their view with my pain but that would not have been fair. He lost out so much when he left that when he returned you could feel nothing but pity at just how many yrs he had lost with them, they are now young adults and see him when they want without the haze of my disappointment at the relationship ending.

In the case of the lady forced to stay in Spain he was trying to do what he thought the children needed without looking at the bigger picture, thankfully this has been rectified and I was just pointing out that I hope she does not let any hate affect her.
yes, absolutely - so much better for them to see their father all the time

but if he only had 8 hours a month supervised access in any case - it's not going to make much difference, is it?

especially if he does visit them every month, or if they come to Spain t visit him
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 10:55 am
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Default Re: can't go home

I fully appreciate what you are saying and in all honesty 8 hrs of quality happy time with their father is better than 30 days where they have to share it with his work for example, but this should not be at the cost of the children's health and happiness at being somewhere where their standard of living is not good.

It is now up to the parents to sort out the arrangements and set an example that the children can take through to their own adulthood.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 10:57 am
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Default Re: can't go home

Originally Posted by jay01
I fully appreciate what you are saying and in all honesty 8 hrs of quality happy time with their father is better than 30 days where they have to share it with his work for example, but this should not be at the cost of the children's health and happiness at being somewhere where their standard of living is not good.

It is now up to the parents to sort out the arrangements and set an example that the children can take through to their own adulthood.
yes, hopefully

& well done you for not blackening your ex's name with your kids
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