can i ask your opinion.....
 

do you think its rude for the bride and groom to ask for money as their wedding gift?

i was invited to a wedding and they asked for money, which i thought was absolutely fine. The way i see it is, if thats what they want, and need, why give them something else?

Anyway, i did a search online looking for an indication on how much is appropiate, and i came across this forum, money saving expert (soo the worng place i guess :rofl:) and they were all going NUTS saying how rude it is etc etc, so i got involved saying there is nothing wrong with that, and thats what we put on our own wedding list, and i got my head bitten off SO much it was actually rather amusing.

The thing is it was sooo funny, they were all giving each other advise on how to get around the bride and groom asking for cash, some of the advice as follows:

-give them euros or dollars so it looks like you gave them more :ohmy:
-if they are asking for ££ for a loft conversion pay the builder directly so you know where the money is going :confused:
-get them vouchers for b&q, same reason as above.

the way i see it is, if i give someone moeny is cause i want to, and cause i want them to enjoy it, and i really dont care what they do with it as long as its enjoyed.

Anyway i was just wondering what people think.... as i am finding it rather shocking!!!

night to all! xx

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

I think it's ok for the Bride and Groom to ask for what ever it is that they want, money, tokens or to give out a wedding present list. I would much rather give money that they can spend on what they actually need rather than buy something that sits in the back of a dusty cupboard until it eventually gets thrown away years later having never been used. Plus these days a lot of people live together before getting married so they already have most household objects. Lets face it how many toasters does a person need:lol:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

I would rather a couple asked for money from people than have a wedding present list set up in an expensive shop that had things on it that I cannot afford. At least with money you can give what you want.

Rosemary

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Giving them money seems eminently sensible. Plus, it's the custom in other countries too.

Featherbum, the comments you posted make those people seem really mean.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

I am glad you brought this up.

I have friends who are getting married after several years together who have everything they need for the house they live in. BUT - they are a bit hard up owing to the present recession and him being a self employed tradesman. I want to give them money as it makes so much more sense, but felt unsure about it and whether it would be acceptable.

Thanks to this thread, I shall definitely give them cash.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Is there a recognised amount?

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

i dont think there is a particular amount as such, i always struggle to decide how much!:blink:

In Spain (where, at least where i come from) people tend to give you however much you spent on them, say the restaurant is charging you 100 euros per head, for arguments sake, then each guest will give you that amount as their present.

I am shocked how viciously attacked i got in the other forum :rofl: so i am glad to see we are not weirdos- nor most of our friends who have all asked for money so far!!
They even accused me of inviting people i dont even know to my wedding just to get some extra cash!!:rofl:

am i allowed to put the link in here, so you can all have an amusing time reading it? :thumbsup: (must warn you i got quite feisty with them :p)

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

You can put a link, but everybody please read and respect rule 8 of this site, thanks.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

hi ya

my son was recently married and he ask for money as a gift from everyone ,because they had been living together for a few years had a house and a little boy ,no probs so everone did that so they felt that the money would be better spent on other things hope this eases your conscience :

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

When I got married (for the 2nd time!), in lieu of gifts we asked for money or something for the wedding itself so, one guy provided the wedding car, others their bands etc. Nobody had a problem with it (or if they did, they didn't say!). One friend framed a 50 pound note with a label saying "Break glass in case of emergency"! After we divorced...I did!

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Hi featherbum
We asked for money for our wedding as we had been living together for about 4 years so more or less had everything we needed - we were extending the house so we asked for either money or bags of sand or cement lol - not very traditional eh lol
Love Sam xxxx

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

You would have got sand and cement off me then cos theres no way I can give money instead of a gift! :rofl:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

i think thats really nice too, for example a friend rang and offered me a room at a lovely hotel on the seafront for our wedding night as a present and i thought that was a lovely thought!:wub:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

My stepdaughter and her husband did the same they just told everyone that they had been living toether for a long time and didnt need the normal stuff and if pp didnt mind they would like funds towards there garden project
Send me a link I would love to add my three pennys worth on your side of course LOL
Sharon

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

good idea we could start a 'BE featherbum wedding fund', if you all give me a euro each i will prob end up with a nice amount :p:p (oh i am joking by the way, in case someone took me seriously and tries to go nuts at me like the maniacs on the other forum lol)

i am getting eating alive on the other forum, i wanna unsuscribe and i cant, arrggh!:blink: i must admit, i did wind them up as much as i could :sneaky: -

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

My experience of weddings in Galicia has always been to give money. Well, not exactly give money to the bride and groom on the wedding day. What happens is you get their bank details send with the wedding invitation. You are supposed to give the amount of the meal x per head, plus a sum on top. So as you can see for a family it is very pricey. People in Galicia spend a fortune on the wedding meal because is is all sea food (not the cheap stuff either) and it is an "eat until you explode" nosh up. No little canapes up there, no siree. It is advisable to have an elastic waistband.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Post the link, send in the big guns (us), we will put them in their place. My opinion about money or present, is ; why complicate your life, ask for what you want or need. When a couple have been living together for a while they will already have a fondue set (or 3), so the cash would be better. Also if they are just starting out life together, and nice little "tantito" (Wodge) is still better than a fondue set.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

And it would have been very much appreciated too :wub:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

When my daughter was planning her wedding two years ago she asked for money to be paid into an account that was going to be put towards the deposit to buy there first house. They had lived together for 10 years in a flat so it made so much more sense to do this. As far as I know this seemed to go down well with people, my siblings and their families all put £25 each in, it didn't have to be a great amount it is after all the thought that counts.

My daughter said that her friends who married the year before asked for travel vouchers from a certain travel agency as they were going to live in Dubai after they married in a furnished flat so they didn't need anything but they wanted to be able to fly back to the UK and visit family and friends at least once in the time they were going to be there. Again this couple has lived together for quite a few years.

Featherbum if you want to ask for money then go ahead and do it, some people may feel embarrassed about the whole thing and even worry that they can only afford to give a small amount so it is important to make them feel that every little penny will add up into big pounds.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

I didn't have a list but when people asked I said I'd rather have the money.

If I'm going to an all day wedding I give £100, for evening reception £50

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Toasters are a lot cheaper! :rofl:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

I think thats a great idea,

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Interesting thread, when my daughter got married in the UK she had a whole list on the internet (with John Lewis I think) and people could log on and choose from a towel to a toaster or whatever off the list and "buy" on-line. Only afterwards did my daughter say that when all is done and dusted, the store will actually tell the couple how much has been bought and will allow them to use that credit to buy their own preferences from the store. So in some way it was like giving cash in the first place although everyone felt as if they had made their own little contribution to the happy household.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

hi guys!

by popular demand here is the thread link :sneaky:

i am warning you i was a bit errrr ummm feisty, i cant stand it when people wind me up...!:D go for it, lets all gang up against them!

I am trying not to look in there at the mo as i am stressed enough as it is, getting married and emigrating all whithin 4 weeks, well 3 and a bit now!!!:ohmy::ohmy:


http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/...t=cash+wedding

ooops i put the thread for page 6, do start from page 1 for priceless entertainemnt, or if you are a tight git to learn some tricks to pretend you are more generous than you really are haha!

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Hi Featherbum
followed the link, yes it does make interesting reading doesn't it? I was up bright and early today and had nothing else to do so I have joined and left a post giving my 2 pennys worth. Lets see what kind of response I get :rofl::rofl:
I am not surprised they made you angry, what a bunch of pr*ts

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

thanks!!! i am glad you agree with me, those vultures were starting to make me paranoid!!!
they are just unreal!:confused::confused:

it certainly makes interesting reading doest it!:rofl:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Hi featherbum
Yes it makes very interesting reading. I don't normally get very involed in things on these sites (I'm more of a quiet lurker) well until now :rofl:. I was just really shocked at how quick they were to pounce on you:eek:. They must have very sad little lives, don't let it worry you.
just out of interest what have you asked for for your wedding? (I hope you have asked for euros:thumbsup:)
Christine

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

You just have to ignore them. So often there are sad, inadequate little people out there who are only able to feel good by attacking others.

The upside is that such trollish types, being less intelligent, leave themselves open to mockery through poor language skills and so on. ;-)

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

Sounds like my mother in law:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

My condolences. My mother in law was a sweetheart. It was my mother I couldn't stand.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

When I got married, I didn't like to do a wedding list or ask for anything. Even though it is tradition, I felt uncomfortable, so I let the guest decide what they wanted to do. The main thing was to have people around to celebrate the day. But when I went to an Italian wedding, some did give her money and it was very much how close they were to the couple. I personally like to give a couple something very personal, otherwise people forget what someone has given them and there is no real reminder. At the end of the day, people should be grateful that they get anything, regardless whether it is money or gift or how much it costs. I think people are more generous when expectations aren't put on them rather than feeling they have to keep up with everyone else. The best wedding present was a handmade plant pot, not expensive, but the thought that went into it ,meant more to me than if I had received an expensive item.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

"I think people are more generous when expectations aren't put on them"

You know, I think that is a remarkably astute observation.

Re: can i ask your opinion.....
 

yeah i try to keep out of it too but it made my blood boil so much i just couldnt help myself!!!! :lol:
I wasnt even enquiring because of my own wedding, but because i was attending one, but i just ended up taking it personally!

We asked for contributions towards our honeymoon, dont mind what currency lol, or how much either!!
According to those maniacs i want to make a profit!!:rofl::rofl: and thats the only reason i am getting married :confused: