Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I had some sound advicefrom Lynn a while ago but now Id like some general opinion.

Our daughter is a very picky eater and will hardly eat anything at lunchtime.

She has had school dinners because of the playtime which she loves.She has made many friends and learnt so much new stuff.

But she has never accepted what has been served up.I thought it may change her awful eating habits but no.

It has got to the stage now where she sits in the naughty corner and if she dosent eat her first then she gets nothing, not even a drink.

So she sits there for an hour looking at some soup.

OK so she goes hungry.But the problem is that the dinner staff are getting a bit pushy with her She was smacked on the face a few months ago. The head mistress did speak to the person concerned.But he still gets a bit pushy with her. And he is not the only one.They call her names like stupid etc.and they do get physical.

I guess they dont like her for the hassle she causes.

Going to speak to a mum in her class tomorrow who I think is in AMPA.

I know its kind of like 6 of 1 half a dozen of the other.I guess shell be coming home for dinners soon which I dont mind.Its just that shell miss her playtime which she loves.

Any advice or experience anyone?

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

sorry to hear this is still going on:frown:

I can understand why they might sit her in a 'naughty chair' - although I personally wouldn't agree with it

however calling her names & slapping her is way out of order:eek: it's abuse & you could denounce whoever did it for assault - though I would quite understand why you might not want to

you really must talk to AMPA & get them to liaise with school head & the catering company

this has to be stopped!!

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Sorry to hear this. That's not good conduct. Can't offer advice but I hope this is sorted out somehow.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

My son (11) is exactly the same. His twin sister will try most any thing so started to go to school dinners last year. However, my son eats very little and will try even less.

They had a school trip coming up ( 6 days away) so we said that he could go if he tried staying for school lunches and started to try the food. He may not like it but at least he should try.

Well he did, he stayed for the two weeks prior so we let him go. He survived somehow. I have no idea what he ate (perhaps only bread and chips) but he didn't complain!

Any way, he then asked if he could stay for comedor and we agreed to get him to try the food and, hopefully, find some thing else that he liked. The teachers are not at all pushy - yes they try and get him to eat but there is no real pressure. He is always allowed to try and three courses even if he only ends up eating an apple for desert. He claims to be trying the food but who knows?


I really don't know what else to try but am just hoping that he will simply start to eat 'properly' at some point in the future.


Like you, I suspect, if there was any bullying or physical 'stuff' with regard to him not eating, then I think I would talk to the head. If it persisted I would probably denounce the person concerned.

However, I have noticed from speaking to other parents, that they are certainly more physical with the children here. They think nothing to giving a child a 'clip round the ear'! Whilst I might disagree with this, I am living in Spain and may find the authorities just a little deaf to the problem.


Best of luck with getting her to eat:thumbup:

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

yes, and kids really are expected to eat up & shut up!!

I remember taking my younger dd to a birthday party which was held at a spanish guardería & the staff didn't want them to leave the table to play until they had eaten everything

there was mix of nationalities there, and the mum (spanish) of the birthday girl had a quiet word, saying that other nationalities (brits!) didn't necessarily expect their kids to eat everything put in front of them................especially at a birthday party

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Thought about fibbing a little and saying that the family are vegetarianos?
(If it's Spanish style meat she doesn't like)
On the other hand if your daughter is really picky, having had both types I only have one piece of advice. Don't ever let her get away with being picky at home. If she doesn't want what you serve up say that's OK but make her wait until the next meal. Harsh but it's the only thing that works.
My boys will eat anything because that was my regime, My daughter's dad though, used to let her pick and choose and gave her something else when she said she didn't like this or that. She grew so picky she looked almost anorexic and didn't mature to womanhood until she was 17.
If your daughter is over about 6 though, it's probably already too late.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I am very very surprised JLFS hasn't been here to make a comment about this subject, sounds like an expertfrom what I read in another thread about this.

I hope you sort it.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Thanks for all the replies.

I agree with what you all say.It is different in Spain and where we live the people are very traditional in their ways.This is why we havent persued the situation.

But OH is freaking out about it now cos it has gone on too long with too much upset but I doubt there will be a resolution and I dread it to be honest.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

had a thought:blink:

do you get the menu a month in advance?

at my dd's primary school you can choose in advance what days they stay for comedor, and just pay for those days


could you maybe sit down with your dd & decide which days she could at least try eveything, and just book her in for those days?

or if the school is a bit more anal, then get her to go for maybe mon, wed & fri & come home the other two?

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Call me a naïve foreigner but.... packed lunches?

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I wish.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Not sure about this.They seem to have the option of all week or 4 days and not wed because they finish at 1.

The thing is the menu dosent have anything that a more northern european menu would have.

If you dont like fish at this school you really are stuffed and its always cold but spanish seem to like cold hot food.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

most of the catering companies do much the same menu - we've had several at our school over the years my 2 have been there & imo Safor are the best

dd2 doesn't like the food the new company this year is serving up, so is coming home hungry - the actual dishes are things she usually likes but she is compalining about the quality - says it's bland

but it's her last year of primary & school lunches, & chances are they'll change the company again next year, so I can't be bothered to complain

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

The company here are called IRCO. Maybe you know them too.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

For some bizarre reason, packed lunches are NOT allowed in Spanish schools.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

It's not just in Spain, they aren't allowed in French schools, either....:)

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Nor Italian schools. Lunch is considered as part of the educational programme. Often you aren't allowed to go home for lunch either.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Its interesting to know that France and Italy are the same

Seems its the UK which is soft on childrens eating habits then.

DD says there are others that stay at mealtimes only sometimes so thats what shell do because we still dont agree with the way she is treated at times.

Being softy brits we are not used to being force fed cold panga.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I can't really think of much to say that others haven't said but wanted to just express my concern, solidarity, whatever, over the bullying treatment your poor dd's had to put up with. Hope some equation of talks, moves, measures, etc. work. :fingerscrossed:

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

My daughters could come home for lunch when they were at Primary School, but only because there was a school bus at the time (and I was working from home). Secondary School was another matter and they had to stay all day and eat what was on the canteen menu, otherwise they wouldn't have got through the long afternoon....
Food for thought....

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

really - there was a school bus at lunchtime??

here they get free lunches if they use the bus, cos there isn't one at lunchtime

my elder dd at secondary does 8-2 or 3 so does buy a boccy or similar in the canteen

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Oooops, things are different in France, then! Secondary school starts at 8 a.m. and finishes at 5 p.m.!
Those that stayed at the Primary canteen paid, and those in Secondary had a set menu.
Back to the OP's worry, she should consult her PTA representative concerning bullying by the canteen staff. They can't be allowed to do that, however annoyed they might be...:thumbdown:

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I'm sorry to hear of your problems.
I do not know the full extent of your situation as others seem to, so it ¡s difficult to give advice.
However from what I have read this is a serious issue and clearly your daughter is very unhappy. It seems to me that you have to address the root cause of her unhappiness, which is either school or home.
If it is school she should be ok at home, if it is home then she may well be acting out her unhappiness in school which will alienate her from her piers.
If it is just school I think the advice you have been given already is sound.
All the best

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Wowzers, if anyone slapped my son or daughter in the face for not eating I'd chop their hands off. No one touches them. If they run in the road without looking they may get a short sharp shock. Just so they know not to do it again. That's dangerous. But not eating? My son is real fussy and only three, he may sit in the corner of the room eating a bag of flour happily and we can't get him to eat normal food all the time but if anyone laid hands on him there would be hell to pay. Just my opinion. Kids sometimes don't eat what they are given. They will in time.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Shes happy, just picky.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I don't see anything wrong with sitting her in the naughty chair, tbh (although NOT the shouting or clip round the ear :eek:).

If she likes staying to dinners because she likes the playtime, well she has to eat or she doesn't play. Simple. Let her be bored on the naughty chair all lunchtime. She should not be rewarded for not eating by being allowed to play imho.

Otherwise tell her she has to come home for lunch. If she wants to play with her friends, she will have to eat the school dinners.

I certainly would speak to the head about the physical and verbal violence, however, as this is unnacceptable.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

You would not say that if you saw some/all of the stuff served to these kids.
Spanish kids are used to it as they are fed it from an early age at the nursery and or at home.

Forcing children to eat or worst still depriving them of food is not good at all and the only solution IMO is to have lunch at home.

Many children from different cultures find it unpalatable.

Much the same as many Spanish friends have told me that wouldnt go abroad to a non spanish speaking country as they wouldnt be able to eat the food.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Oh I see. Clearly there is nothing I can add then as I have misunderstood and this is just down to a childs preferences to certain foods.:confused:

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

OK, fine, so have the child home for lunch. Problem solved. You can't have it all ways, they are not going to give her different food to anyone else, are they?

But I still think there should be a strong word with the Head about the physical and verbal treatment.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Sorry to say this but it appears that it is the childs eating problems that are the issue to the OP not the abuse. Make of that what you will.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I think that is probably unfair - as most of us, I only know what is contained in this thread & I certainly didn't interpret it that way - I suspect OP is aware her daughter may be picky but as a result of this is being bullied and or mistreated, and she (OP) hasn't made light of this, just struggled with how best to complain & take action so her daughter doesn't bear the brunt even more - but that was just my take on it

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

PM is probably well aware that if she does not deal with this matter in a certain way, it will be her child that will be sent to a psychiatrist and not the dinner ladies or teachers.

I know first hand how difficult it can be in a state school in a different country and I have friends who have children at school in Spain now who have suffered the same (and more) problems.

These mothers are dealing with people who have a completely different cultural approach/attitude to food and their kids are served up stuff that is completely alien to that of most northern european countries. The problems for them are the same in France as here in Spain.

I dont think that knocking the OP is constructive in this case.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Yep. I had an aunt who always gave very sage advice on the subject of " making a rod for your own back". About meal times, sleeping and general behavour. I didn't always like it. But I followed it esp with the first two,(except for a little previously mentioned hiccup over my daughter's eating habits where a dad, trying to be kind got in the way.) I was quite a strict parent. Now they have gone their 3 different ways and aren't at all strictured, or wound up. Infact they get on better with their peers and adults when they don't have demanding behaviour.
This doesn't help with the OPs problem of abusive teachers. But I have to say I wouldn't find it easy to control my irritation with picky kids, or their parents.
Maybe that's why I didn't choose to be a teacher!
I do sympathise with OP though. Parenting is such a hard road. Glad my parenting days are over!

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Well, as long as kids are eating well who gives a toss if they get slapped about hey? Make of that what you will.:)

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Fool.
No one here knows the truth about the "alleged" abuse.
If this is true then I would be more concerned about this than eating problems.
I'm sorry if people think I am being hard on the OP but my concern is for the child especially with what are VERY serious allegations against the staff.
This has been going on for some time and worse, still is and people are talking about cultural and cuisine differences and possible difficulties challenging the school in case of retribution.
I have 5 children, 3 of which were/are schooled here. If any of them had been struck by a member of staff and were still being verbally abused I wouldn't be on a expat forum asking for advice on menus.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

OK, before any one gets on my case.
I was genuinely concerned for her childs welfare and still am, however.........
The OP has told me that her daughter is happy.
End of.
My apologies to the OP for any offence.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

I'm not knocking the OP. far from it, I can still remember what it was like to have a child who is 'different', even though he is now grown up. But you have to be realistic here.

They are not going to dish out different food to the OP's child, are they? So the OP's daughter has no choice but to eat it, starve, or go home for lunch. And if she choses to stay to dinner, then she should eat the food. If she doesn't want to eat it she should go home to dinner. The staff haven't got the time to deal with pickiness when they have a school full of children to feed. Staying to dinner and then whinging about the food is not an option and if she does this then I see no reason why she should not go on the naughty chair.

Verbal and physical abuse is a different matter though and needs to be sorted out.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Thanks again for your mostly supportive replies.Its nice to know there is some understanding and I have taken onboard what has been suggested.

She will be coming home for dinners from now on.

No more to say really.I dont want this thread to turn into a slanging match about me (again).

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Right decision, hope all works out OK.

Re: Advice please on problem in comedor.
 

Good to hear you've made steps to resolve it. Hope it goes well for you and your daughter.