Englishmum

KerinaK - I guess you are still young enough to not worry about the 'biological clock', but are beginning to feel broody?

Don't make the mistake my best friend has done; we're both expats, she's an Aussie. She went through a nasty divorce and the ex returned home to Australia, leaving her as a single mum with 2 kids.

She met a local guy (American, banker) who lived with his mother despite being in his 30s...got pregnant by him and had a baby boy at the age of 42. She delivered the baby in Oz and then he changed his mind and refused to move to Australia (could have transferred with his employer) so she's moved back to the US and knows she is now stuck here.

My friend knows she now can't remove the child from the US as the father will never agree to it and the courts won't allow a child to even move across the State border, let alone internationally; the Hague Convention (and both Canada and the UK are signatories) ensure that a child removed from the established place of residence must be returned there.

Don't even think of having a baby in Canada unless you know you are prepared to stay there until your child is an adult, because if your marriage ever breaks down, it's very likely that your husband won't allow your offspring to leave Canada (or perhaps even the province the children are resident in).

lilybilly101

So, so true. I too have an English friend in this same situation. They are both Brits and came out here a few years ago. They have now split and he refuses to let her go home with the kids. She said she wakes up in the morning and wonders how she'll get through the day as her first thought is, 'I'm trapped'. So sad. She's in a bad, bad place right now but hopefully she'll start to rebuild her life here as she has NO choice. Babies do not bring people together, they make things way more complex and stressful! Spoken by the woman who's 37 weeks and 2 days pregnant!!!!
And it's the same for Canadians in different provinces as Mummy in the Foothills said. If you have your kids in BC and split, then wish to go to Quebec tough luck if Daddy says no. The rules are terribly strict about this and ina country so large it may as well be the UK!

You also sound like you have the most lovely family and they will support you whatever decisions you make. You are so lucky to have them and I can see why you want to be there sharing your life with them. Having a baby will intensify that by a million times. I was 'quite' settled here until I had my little boy and then wham...I wanted to go home desperately.

I wish you all the best and hope it all works out for you (but no babies just yet....).

Fish n Chips 56

Kerina, Im sorry to say but what you described as his family is how I view most American familes here in the USA, They consider themselves close but compared to Brits I truly dont think they are, Brits seem to have a very close family relationship.

I hope I have not upset anyone by that statement, its just my opinion, and a general statement, I know some American families are close.

London, Maybe hubby wont move to London as it overwhelming to him, Try suggesting another location that would work for you both, maybe near his relatives.

Take Care and Best Wishes, you have non judgemental friends here.

postman62

Hi

I really can sympathise with you becasue I've been in Canada since August last year and I'm so homesick and just want to go home to the UK. Family have visited and can't understand why I hate it so much and keep telling me I've got to make a go of it here, but the longing to go back to England is just so overwhelming. I came out here with my husband and 2 kids aged 15 and 20 and they have settled into canadian life really well and can't understand how I feel. I was the first person to moan about the state of England, but it's home and it's where I want to be, I just feel so unsettled here and it's making me ill, but at the moment I'm stuck here. Unfortunately the immigration programmes that I used to watch before I came out and all the books I read don't mention anything about homesickness and how it takes over your life.

Jo.Ru_onway

Whereabouts are you ?
Perhaps you could organise to meet some people from here to chat to ?

KerinaK2008

I know exactly how you feel Postman62. I feel all those things everyday. But just like you, i do feel like i am stuck here for now also. Have you made any friends where you have moved? Or do you have any hobbies? Over the past few months, i made the effort to join some social groups etc.. I still feel the same about wanting to leave. However on a positive it does help to ease things a bit sometime and keep my mind off it. Even if it is only for a few hours. Some days feel worst than others, but i know that when i was not working and was forced to spend alot of time on my own i felt heavily depressed. My husband used to spend much more time away as he had to work and study. I did not sleep properly for weeks.. I went through another disturbing sleep pattern quite recently too. But back to normal sleeping for now.. I totally agree that homesickness can be so much more overwhelming than you can imagine. But some how we have to keep going..

Fish n Chips 56

People can suggest what they want, friends ,groups, hobbies etc, but when all said and done I doubt anything will make you feel as good as being back in the UK, Yes you might return and feel like a failure and say to yourself that you should have given it longer, so give it your absolute best try, you are only being fair to yourself and others by doing that, there is nothing worse than going back only to return.

People that dont feel homesick have no clue how bad it can feel, Way before computers and forums I thought I was the only one that suffered with this, having the oppurtunity that many would love and then not liking it, I felt so ungreatful, ashamed, then I heard the word homesick and started to understand I wasn't the only one.

Its hard to describe exactly what is missing, I think its a number of things that just makes us feel out of our comfort zone, family and friends are very important, but I think its much more than that, lonelyness is a big part I think.

As always Take Care and Listen to your gut feeling.

Good luck to you both.

scottandsel

i can sympathise completely the only difference is we came to Crete,Greece an i dont want to go back to the uk, we came 6 months ago with my 12 year old son after lots of research including the school, my son is the main reason i dont want to be here, he is picking up the language ok but the greek kids treat him like ****, he's even been pushed under a car! i feel phyically sick sending him there an want out i want to (and originally) wanted to go to canada but my fiance was offered to finish his divin training, so thats why we came here with the agreement we would stay for him to do that then go elsewhere, he then decided yes to def get on with the canada thing an agreed its not working here (he's a long distance lorry driver by trade) but now he says we could make it here permanently an what hes goin to be doin here next year but i hate it an dont think i could stay another 6 months, were arguein cos neither of us can find work an were halfway through our savings an i wanna go before the rest gets eaten up an were stuck here for good whether we like it or not but he cant see it!
it came to a head 2 days ago when we ended up rowing bout it an i told him to do what he wants but at the end of the summer season me an my son are gonna go back, i'd like to carry on an go on to canada but i dont think id be able to get to canada on my own, work points an such but i def dont wanna go back to uk nor does my son. so i dont reallly know what to do either.
i def sympathise with the op on this one an sometimes i cant see anyway out, i wake up everyday an im in hell, the people are arrogant def different to when yur here visiting, but its mainly my son i feel like ive sacrificed his education an happiness for us to be here its not like we thought! i want to go knowing that hes only missed a years decent education rather than a few years down the line!
we always said we wanted to leave the uk cos there was nothin there for us never mind kids (gettin on prop ladder etc) but here theres def nothing for us.
so im trying to take everyday as it comes whilst tryin to suss out what to do but i know either way this time next year we wont be here whether my fiance is or not i dont know but ive got to put my son first - my fiance is not his real dad as were both divorced so i guess im lucky in that i dont have to get his permission for my son to leave the country.
i wish everyone who feels the same way all the luck an thoughts are with them an i spose its reassurin to know yur not alone feeling the way you do, its that thing of you only have one life an have to do whats best for you maybe that means hurtin someone but yu'll only end up hurtin yourself more if you put up with, its findin that compromise which is difficult when one of you is adamant bout staying or going.

scottandsel

crikey didnt realise how long that was ...... sorry everyone!

manamama

If the UK is your only option, why do you feel it doesn't offer you or your son a future ?

The problems getting on the property ladder etc, is a problem for most of Europe and Canada too.

I know of so many who have returned back from Spain and they are all happy and doing really well. Don't know of anyone having difficulties and they seem to appreciate the UK more now knowing that Spain isn't all that better.


But hope all works out well.

JLFS

I agree with this post, the UK still has a lot to offer, despite all the gloom that is spread about it.

What is important is where and how you live, owning your own home is important, but not the be all and end all.

Being happy in your chosen place is what lifes all about.

Renting happily and being able to live relatively well, or paying a mortgage and maybe suffering, I know what I would rather do.

Fish n Chips 56

Scottandsel, I feel for you.

The Uk is the only place for a good education, after he is done then move, I was moved as a kid one town to another, It was awful, very unsettling.

You really need to think long and hard about canada, form what hear on tyhis site many Brits are not made so welcome, poor jobs etc, look at site (No Canada) for more stories but plenty on this site too.

Greece... OMG Id get out, its looking bad, the country is going down from what I hear on news, Thats the last place Id want to be when things get rough, an outsiders.

If son was bood relitive to your partner he might feel different, youve got some tough days ahead of you.

Best wishes to you, People here care. Follow your gut feeling.

Fish n Chips 56

You are mislead if you think its easier in other places than UK, other than lack of sunshine its pretty good.

Cherry B

Not wanting to hijack this thread but as it is so close to home... here goes:

Been in italy for donkeys years. Well 8 to be precise. Have house, good job and great OH (italian). Missing England like mad, have been for many years, very close to uk family, OH does not speak good English. Body clock ticking like a time bomb.

Feel like I have too lives and I will never be really contented and happy in Italy but also can't convince OH to move to UK. Really need to make a decision once and for all - for both of us. Pants situation.

Today received a call for an interview for a job in the UK right close to home, (sent cv just for a laff). Didn't expect a reply.

DILEMA: not said anything to OH regarding job offer.
Feel like a traitor and a S**t.
Would like to split myself in two and live in both 'worlds'.

HELP - feel like I may have a bonkers breakdown soon. Any advise welcome.

KerinaK2008

Hey,

That a tough one.. i know i have also looked at UK jobs and feel tempted to apply! Well now that you actually have.... maybe its time to sit down with your OH. Is it something you really want to do? Whats your OH job status at the moment? I would maybe just mention the opportunity thats come up and see how it takes it....but wouldnt say yes i am going... think you should discuss it first and take it from there. Homesickness is a tough place to be.. everyday i feel more desperate for home. I think i am prob losing it though.. I have looked at some potential rental places online and jobs even though i know i am not going anywhere right now! Heading back to UK this evening for the Easter long weekend. I wish i could go and never come back.


Wish you luck.