British Expats - Search Results

Search: Posts Made By: malcoltom

Showing results 1 to 25 of 1000
Search took 1.13 seconds.

Forum: New Zealand

Jun 3rd 2011, 9:24 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Paddy was telling Mick about his first parachute jump. "When i got to the doo, i couldn't jump. The 6'7" man mountain black instructor unzipped his flies and drops out 14" and says'If you dont jump,...

Forum: New Zealand

Aug 1st 2010, 9:20 pm

Replies: 2

Hi

Views: 811

Posted By malcoltom

Hi

Just popped in to say hi. Its been a while.
Have asked Am Loolah where i can advertise our guesthouse on the site for any expats visiting this area of the UK.
Regards to all
:thumbsup:

Forum: New Zealand

Mar 16th 2010, 10:03 am

Replies: 3

Goodbye and welcome

Views: 712

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Goodbye and welcome

Thanks for that Bevs. Which section would you recommend i put my ad under?
:thumbup:

Forum: New Zealand

Mar 15th 2010, 5:49 pm

Replies: 3

Goodbye and welcome

Views: 712

Posted By malcoltom

Goodbye and welcome

Well its goodbye to our NZ dream but welcome to a new career here in the UK.
I know i am not allowed to advertise on here but just to say that if any of you are in the Morecambe area of the UK and...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:54 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife.
<
"Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
<
"Well you're 75 years old now, Jack,...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:51 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

To celebrate 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at St. Andrews. On the third tee, the husband you, "Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:49 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Bill and Sarah were Londoners and were blessed with seven healthy children. After many months of discussion, they finally decided to move to New York. It should have been a simple enough move, but...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:47 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A gay man walks into a country bar and says, "I just want everyone to know that I'm gay, but I won't hit on anyone. I just like country music."
<
The bartender says that it's okay and the man...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:44 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asks.
<
"Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:43 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

One day in artillery instruction, a colonel came to inspect our class. First up was Private O'Hara. The colonel got in his face and asked him what reading he had on his 105-mm howitzer....

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:42 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A man in Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:40 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

After an overnight flight to meet her husband at his latest military assignment, a woman wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with her nine children - all under age 11. Collecting their...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:38 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A woman went to her new doctor for a checkup. He turned out to be absolutely gorgeous! He told her he was going to put his hand on her back and he wanted her to say "Eighty-eight."
<...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:37 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Mick and Pat apply for a job. Pat goes into the interview first.
<
"Whats your name?" asks the boss.
<
"Pat sir," says Pat.
<
The boss almost explodes with rage, saying, "Your name is not...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:37 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A man on a business trip was sitting in first class. During the flight, he was given gourmet brownies and cookies for dessert. Not hungry after his meal, he decided to save them for later, so he...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:35 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
<
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared...

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:34 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Stevie Wonder - 7 children.
<
David Blunkett - 5 children.
<
Ray Charles - 12 children.
<
I think it's safe to say it's not playing with yourself that makes you blind.

:thumbup:

Forum: New Zealand

Feb 5th 2010, 10:33 am

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

An Indian boy goes to his father one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Dad, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?
<
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm", he said.
<...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:15 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Classic Tommy Cooper gags:
<
1. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key..."
<
2. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:13 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He reckoned that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get nine holes in before he had to head...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:11 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

The Beer Prayer
<
Our Lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:10 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:08 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Husband: Oh, come on.
Wife: Leave me alone!
Husband: It won't take long.
Wife: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Husband: I can't sleep without it.
Wife: Why do you think of things like this...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:06 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

FEMALE POEM
<
I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully...

Forum: New Zealand

Jan 17th 2010, 2:05 pm

Replies: 1,538

Bit of fun

Views: 56,559

Posted By malcoltom

Re: Bit of fun

Just heard the owner of odeon cinema's passed away this morning. his funeral will be held next monday at 2.10, 4.20, 6.30, 8,40 and 10.50

;)

Showing results 1 to 25 of 1000