Terrorist threat
Jan 30th 2010, 3:07 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: The Island of love
Posts: 882
Terrorist threat
Not sure if this has been posted before, but it made me laugh,
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a
heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels that may be applied: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all
of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty
teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is
"I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "We
may need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled"..
So far in Australia, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level since records began!
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the
country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a
heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"
to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels that may be applied: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat
they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy
can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all
of their allies, just in case.
And in the southern hemisphere...
New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty
teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime
Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is
"I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!', "We
may need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled"..
So far in Australia, no situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level since records began!
Jan 30th 2010, 3:59 pm
#2
A bubbly-jock...
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Teneriffe
Posts: 6,262
Re: Terrorist threat
Not sure if this has been posted before, but it made me laugh,
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British (sic) [English !] issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.< snip>
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea
supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British (sic) [English !] issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards" They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.< snip>
