Bahtatboy

Why I ask is this:

If the trial was in a jurisdiction which by-and-large I trust (eg UK), then I'd be confident that he had a fair trial, and that would go a long way to making me feel that I wouldn't want to associate with him. However…

The details would also be important—there's a huge spectrum of culpability and gravity, even in sexual offences. And we each have our own views of where any particular offence registers on the scale.

You also need to be sure that you know the truth. Don't trust what's written in the media—we all know they are hugely inaccurate and prone to sensationalise things. If he was truly a friend before, then don't even rely on your other friends' accounts—get the court transcript; I may have access, so if you want, PM his name and I'll check.

And then there's the question of rehabilitation and repentence. If you have faith in the system that it'll offer him the opportunity of rehabilitation, and if you believe in his capacity to take that opportunity and to repent, then remain his friend. Being totally abandoned by all those who called him their friend may work as a shock tactic, but I imagine he's got enough shock already and there'll be more to come. A friend now (even with a relationship different from what went before) would surely be a good thing.

Meow

I fully understand what Bahtatboy is saying above, but I simply could not be friends with a man who has treated women in this way.

Four sexual assults? That's not a mistake, or a drunken fumble that went wrong.

Morecambe Mindy

Agree with this.

Also, I think I would always be wary of being on my own with him, would no doubt be scared of him, so that couldn't ever really trust him.

Walk away, he doesn't deserve any pity, save that for his victims.

seven seas

How many rape trials end in a conviction in the UK? a dismally low percentage. That's not your point, a false negative isn't the issue here.

I do agree with you there. When someone's done their time, are all debts cleared? Does this person not deserve to rejoin society?

If the answer is no, then their only choice is to break our laws again. Might as well never let them out. Is prison supposed to reform or punish or both?
Discuss.
I'll get the beers, and the peanuts.

OriginalSunshine

In my humble opinion... sexual behaviour is a fetish, and it is society that determines when they deem that fetish acceptable or not. Every society I know of condemns rape between strangers, some societies have a different age of consent resulting in jail in one instance or a shake of the hand in others, some societies condemn homosexuality. However, the condemnation of a fetish does not stop a person from having that fetish, it merely controls how they act on that fetish.

Clearly this "friend" has a fetish for rape. His imprisonment is his society's way of punishing transgression of the norm. It does not stop his fetish, but when he comes out of prison he may well decide that he will not pursue it again. He may decide otherwise; when one views sexual behaviour as a fetish one begins to understand why rapists often reoffend whatever medical or psychological treatment they have undergone. You can no more cure a fetish of rape than a fetish for asian women, or feet sucking, or bondage, or vanilla.

He has paid the penalty for his transgression but still has the fetish, and because of that I would not trust him as a "friend", and I too am part of that society that condemns rape. Therefore I would condemn his behaviour and his fetish.

UKCityGent

I believe that there is a difference between a rape fetish and the act of rape - its about 5-10yrs in prison

A fetish involves consent - rape doesn't

If this is a "fetish" - then it begs the question how many times has he got away with it ?

Give the "man" a wide berth and hopefully he will get rewarded in the prison showers - how the soap on a rope fits on the other side

Yoohoo

Rape is not about sex. It's about power. That's Feminist Thought 101 stuff that I had drummed into me the minute I hit adolescence.

I would give the man wide berth for this reason though and mostly because I, like other posters here, would never be able to trust him.

NorthernLad

I never saw rape mentioned in previous posts, sexual assaults can range from squeezing someones bottom to rape. Have you just assumed this is the case?

I would suspect with the person in question admitting to four counts of sexual assault there is some truth to the story.

Last year I was back in the UK for a court case (a friend was killed in London) and saw a completely different side to the law. I am now far more wary of judging people than I used to be, and have less faith in the UK justice system.

Oyibopeppeh

The guy's a nonce and will learn about even worse noncey shit while in jail. If he likes what he learns, he'll come out as more of a threat to those he predates upon.

Thumbs down

The Dean

Hello….. I just passed by for a lurk, and came across this thought-provoking thread, so I thought I’d jump back in with both feet…………..

Fascinating replies (and Kitty has not yet answered the question of which country this happened in – assume the UK?) but I’m astonished nobody has commented on the lightness of the sentence. I assume Bahtatboy’s assumption (he got a lesser sentence by pleading guilty) must be right. If it IS the UK, can we assume he’ll be out in about eighteen months? Good grief…………..

I’ve always been an advocate of being given a clean slate once you have served your sentence (otherwise no point in differentiating between lighter sentences for lesser crimes, and longer sentences for the worst offences, surely?), but the difficulty is that it’s the sort of appalling crime that is bound to make his friends – male or female – shun him.

The best kind of friends he can have when he gets out will be the ones who show him no sympathy or forgiveness whatsoever, but who agree to ‘mentor’ him back into a reasonably normal way of life. The best friends anyone can have are the ones who tell it how it is, not a bunch of toadying yes-mates. Only he can know if he will ever offend again, but he’ll need friends who simply won’t allow it to happen.

kittycat1

this was in the UK and he has been remanded since May.

Hi Dean x

Meow

The question was "What would you do if a friend was charged and jailed for multiple sexual assaults?" so that is what people have generally answered.

How can one comment on the sentance without knowing ALL the details? We seem to be assuming it is rape, but it may not be and we don't know the circumstances. Of course, no always means no, and it doesn't sound like a long sentence, but I am not in a position to comment.

It's a different topic really, but I have a friend who has had a great deal of involvement with the UK prison service and offenders, and after 30 years is not convinced that many offenders can be really rehabilitated. I have no idea what the answer is as keeping people locked up forever is not feasible.


And please come back and post some more. We may not agree on everything, but I like to read your posts. x

shiva

We have plenty of land I suggest a wholesale order of shovels for all but the most minor of offences

OriginalSunshine

UKCG - I disagree. A fetish does not have to involve consent - it is about what turns on one person.

NL - you're right. I assumed.

UKCityGent

If no consent that the full force of the law should be applied - or does No mean Yes ?