British Expats - Monogamy

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)

- The Sand Pit (https://britishexpats.com/forum/sand-pit-116/)

- - Monogamy (https://britishexpats.com/forum/sand-pit-116/monogamy-719811/)

Quote:

Originally Posted by MataHari (Post 9415342)

anyone can stay married by simply not divorcing, but that doesn't mean that the marriage is working, but that is beside the point.

I think it's unrealistic to have to chose a partner for life when you are young and that you are meant to be with that person for the next 40 or 50 years.

and no, it's good that you develop cause it would be pretty sad if you stayed the way you were in your teens/twenties...although I do know a few guys that never got over that mental age.

in some ways I agree with your sentiment.

but it works for some, not all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MataHari (Post 9415342)

anyone can stay married by simply not divorcing, but that doesn't mean that the marriage is working, but that is beside the point.

I think it's unrealistic to have to chose a partner for life when you are young and that you are meant to be with that person for the next 40 or 50 years.

and no, it's good that you develop cause it would be pretty sad if you stayed the way you were in your teens/twenties...although I do know a few guys that never got over that mental age.

The idea that a marriage should be based on love is a pretty modern one, and one that hasn't reached a lot of the world.

In any case, the average age people are marrying is rising, so it seems society agrees with you.

It would have been a disaster had I married when I was in my 20s. Just wasn't ready for it. That may be why I found it so hard to stay in a relationship back then :blink:

There is always temptation in life, but one of the joys of being an adult is being able to choose as you wish.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean that you have to do it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scamp (Post 9415297)

Lionheart the Second strikes again.

:lol: yeah well its not pessimism its realism. There seems to be two ideas in this thread;

try to shag yourself silly then "settle" for one woman, lucky girl.

that (sexual) monogamy relates to being in love and sleeping with one person only, to the exclusivity of others

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat1 (Post 9415502)

To maintain a healthy relationship monogamy is essential for most people whether it be a marriage or anything more than a booty call.

In my experience the illusion of monogamy is essential to some people.

It doesnt change the reality of how people are, plenty of divorce, marraige break ups, women with kids from multiple partners, mistresses etc regardless of the aspirations of the people this is how it turns out for a lot of people.

Also I find the ones who shout the most about it are the ones protesting too much.

I agree with you Weasal- but I would like to think it is possible to live happily ever after. Maybe the illusion is enough.

Married 36 yrs, same person. Some good times, some average times, some really crap times. It's a 2 way street. Look out for each other, share common goals, laugh and cry together, some of the things that make it work. A short memory very important. See each others potential, encourage it. Amongst a lot of other advice, chance and character plays a part. In the end, multiple partners can bring baggage, give up too easily. Having said all that, the wrong partner can be hell, be honest, be brave, and move on.

Life is some two to three times as long as when the concept of marriage was accepted in society, so that causes problems as people change over the years and these days everyone expects so much out of life, frequently without wanting to work at it.

I think expecting to marry in your 20s and still be happy with the same person some 40 years later is no longer a realistic expectation for many, but that is why so many have 'starter marriages' or several serious long-term relationships before marrying later in life (say late 30's or early 40's) when you are perhaps happy for a quieter stable life with one partner.

"Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue.â€

There comes a time when you realise that a relationship is not about sex, but about companionship, love, support, friendship and other cosy sounding things. I hasten to add that the sex doesn't have to disappear, quite the contrary, but it's not the sole focus.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat1 (Post 9415502)

Weasal- isn't there a teeny tiny bit of you that would like to grow old with one person who you cherish dearly and without makes your world feel empty, who makes you smile and laugh and makes your life feel better?

This thread is really about the difference between love and sex, and how differently you treat someone when you love and respect them- ie choosing to keep your pants on, and if your just banging them. Men don't like it if their girlfriend is sleeping with anyone else (even though they may think the idea of an open relationship is ok), the green eyed monster inevitably always comes out, and women don't like it if their boyfriend is sleeping with someone else- psycho bitch takes over. To maintain a healthy relationship monogamy is essential for most people whether it be a marriage or anything more than a booty call.

Everyone is different. There are people who don't get jealous, some who even like the idea of their partner sleeping with someone else. And there are others who cannot even stand to see their partner talking to someone more attractive than themselves.

I think the problem here is we are all trying to apply our own standards of what a "valid" relationship is onto others - or at least convince them this is the "right way".

There is no "right way"...the only issue in any relationship which concerns others is are all parties adults who have consented to be in that relationship and if children are involved are they being raised well in a loving environment. Beyond that it's not mine or your business if a woman has two men living with her or if one man has three wives or six boyfriends or none at all.

As for a "healthy" relationship - that's up to the people involved to talk honestly, and to respect each others feelings - not how many people are in the relationship.

N.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spugsy (Post 9414225)

Once you've got all your wild days out the way, all your shagging

Never say never

My gran and granddad were happily marriedfor 65 years. He said he still sW the feisty raven haired minx he married when he looked at her even though they bickered and wound each other up constantly. It was truly a relationship to admire.

My mum still adores my dad after 43 years - even though he's a miserable, mean spirited, grumpy and selish old toad. But hey, no accounting for taste.

I'd lve to think I'd could grow old with someone... I honestly don't know. I will say that cheating can be evil: I cheated during my first big relationship - met at 17, was with him for ten years, latterly had an affair for two years. I watched my boyfriend unravel when he found out, it was terrible. I was truly ashamed. I've been faithful when in serious relationships since, despite temptation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lullabelle (Post 9418207)

My mum still adores my dad after 43 years - even though he's a miserable, mean spirited, grumpy and selish old toad. But hey, no accounting for taste.

You're Lionheart's daughter!!!!:eek:

Err, is that comment bad timing?