ScotsExpat

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a
dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself,
has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be
fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I
said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be
framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only
sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled
pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably
a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in
a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world
is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight
man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a
Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or
four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might
as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're
dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to
honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time
he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold
his beer.


Come on guys, be truthful........lol

Blue Cat

SYB falls into the fist category

Eva

Scotsexpat



Are you bored already ?

sinderelle

Let's see how many smart remarks we get from the gentlemen on the forum eh?

Eva

I have knitted two blankets already for the poor.................

Inselaffen

no wonder he never sits down at BE nights out!

ScotsExpat

lol... How can you tell???

nottmbantam

Must admit to having severe hesitancy over taking a dump in a public toilet -prefer to do it in the comfort of my own bathroom....

In total agreement with everything else though, cos I'm so manly. Grrr. Not like Lewis Hamilton, who is so totally gay.....( see reply on thread " So long,Ron" )

shakh your bootie

Let's not degenerate into talk of fisting....

Actually, I also own a cat...... a white, fluffy one at that.

I'm not doing very well here, am I?

Inselaffen

I fall foul of the knowing more than 4 desserts. but I do have a valid reason being a fat bloke

MissDemeanor

Ive always thought cats are just like men..
They p!ss off out all day and only come in when they want to be fed.
They only show affection when they want something.
Cats are not loyal.
They are always in a bad mood.

nottmbantam

They are also cool.

Though,unlike SYB,I do not own a cat.

Cue one line gags about not getting enough pussy......

shakh your bootie

In an attempt to recover my reputation as a red-blooded heterosexual, can I just point out that I did not choose to be a cat-owner; it's the legacy of an ex-girlfriend that left the country....

He is kinda cool, tho, apart from leaving fur all over the place...

Cue the one-liners about furry pussies....

Inselaffen

MissDemeanor

uugh! I hate cats....apart from the big ones.Tigers are just the most beautiful things.