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If airlines sold paint.

If airlines sold paint.

Old Feb 26th 2014, 7:47 am
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Smile If airlines sold paint.

IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT
----------------------
Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?

Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.

Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?

Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.

Customer: What's the difference in the paint?

Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.

Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.

Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?

Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.

Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.

Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?

Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks.
But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that
week and continue painting until at least Sunday.

Customer: You've got to be kidding!

Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.

Customer: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!

Clerk: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by
the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any
more $12 paint.

Customer: The price went up as we were talking?

Clerk: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with
your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase
your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?

Customer: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have
enough.

Clerk: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't use
it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint you
already have.

Customer: WHAT?

Clerk: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the bedroom,
you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.

Customer: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I already
paid you for it!

Clerk: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is used,
every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.

Customer: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if I
don't keep painting until after Saturday night!

Clerk: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the
$200 paint.

Customer: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $10 a quart"
signs?

Clerk: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons. One $5 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.

Customer: The heck with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!

Clerk: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for your
bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from someone
else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall and stairway
from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that if you paint in
only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.

Customer: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!

Clerk: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which you
started. A hallway is different.

Customer: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in one
direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.

Clerk: No, we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the difference on
your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're getting it now, sir.

Customer: You're insane!

Clerk: Thanks for painting with BA.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 8:12 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Funny...

And somehow all airways are steps from bankruptcy
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 8:22 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Venezuelan007 View Post
Funny...

And somehow all airways are steps from bankruptcy
globally, the business is loss making.

Only a few pockets are profitable. But that is mostly due to inefficiencies in state-owned carriers -- Airlines run on around a 3% margin. That's thin.

I did an airport deal once and was told ... 'running an airline is a man's game. you fly the planes, then you keep flying the planes, and at the end of the year to see if you made any money'

never ever invest in airlines. invest in airports.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 9:23 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
globally, the business is loss making.

Only a few pockets are profitable. But that is mostly due to inefficiencies in state-owned carriers -- Airlines run on around a 3% margin. That's thin.

I did an airport deal once and was told ... 'running an airline is a man's game. you fly the planes, then you keep flying the planes, and at the end of the year to see if you made any money'

never ever invest in airlines. invest in airports.
Similar to a lot of big construction contractors in the UK, which I was amazed at.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 9:28 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
Similar to a lot of big construction contractors in the UK, which I was amazed at.
correct. which is why we won't invest in construction companies either.

They are a service business that are forced to take on massive liabilities.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 9:41 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

3%? You learn something new every day
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 10:39 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
correct. which is why we won't invest in construction companies either.

They are a service business that are forced to take on massive liabilities.
Think of the risk involved in a big fixed-price contract. Mental.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 11:55 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
Think of the risk involved in a big fixed-price contract. Mental.
Absolutely. None of my kids is following me into construction, for which I'm glad. There are so many things which can go wrong, and usually trying to get extra money (which you may be entitled to) from the company above you in the chain is very difficult (and often, in certain parts of the world, even getting your basic entitlement is a pain in the arse). It does, however, present opportunities for skilled and experienced contractual bods...
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 11:59 am
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Bahtatboy View Post
Absolutely. None of my kids is following me into construction, for which I'm glad. There are so many things which can go wrong, and usually trying to get extra money (which you may be entitled to) from the company above you in the chain is very difficult (and often, in certain parts of the world, even getting your basic entitlement is a pain in the arse). It does, however, present opportunities for skilled and experienced contractual bods...
Indeed. It seems like only yesterday I was stood in the finance manager of a local subbie's office asking to get paid. He made it quite clear that I'd get paid when they'd paid their preferred suppliers, that would happen when they got paid by the main con (their parent co...believe it or not), who would pay when they were paid by the client. Cash was frozen otherwise.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 2:40 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Venezuelan007 View Post
3%? You learn something new every day
Really? Jeez. Never knew that.
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 2:46 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
globally, the business is loss making.

Only a few pockets are profitable. But that is mostly due to inefficiencies in state-owned carriers -- Airlines run on around a 3% margin. That's thin.

I did an airport deal once and was told ... 'running an airline is a man's game. you fly the planes, then you keep flying the planes, and at the end of the year to see if you made any money'

never ever invest in airlines. invest in airports.
American Oil company profit margins are supposed to be low, around 7.9 % , but they still rake in tens of billions in profit. So maybee the big airlines are also raking in quite a handy profit, in dollar value?
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 2:47 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
Indeed. It seems like only yesterday I was stood in the finance manager of a local subbie's office asking to get paid. He made it quite clear that I'd get paid when they'd paid their preferred suppliers, that would happen when they got paid by the main con (their parent co...believe it or not), who would pay when they were paid by the client. Cash was frozen otherwise.
Phew, that is pretty epic. I wouldn't dare mention margins on a forum but ffs 3%? Why bother. (I know the answer)
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 3:05 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by commander View Post
Really? Jeez. Never knew that.
Now you do, dont thank me
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 5:34 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by commander View Post
Phew, that is pretty epic. I wouldn't dare mention margins on a forum but ffs 3%? Why bother. (I know the answer)
I wonder that too. Still, 3% of £1,000,000,000 wouldn't be sniffed at by me
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Old Feb 26th 2014, 9:02 pm
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Default Re: If airlines sold paint.

Originally Posted by Scamp View Post
I wonder that too. Still, 3% of £1,000,000,000 wouldn't be sniffed at by me
Yes, that's the dynamic, and when things are balanced its ok. But a swing from +3% to -5% isn't that unlikely, and that's when things get mighty uncomfortable.
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