fulwood

Okay.. I don't post often but read threads every day..Some of you may know that January 3rd is day my brother died. The past year has been tough - thoughts of suicide running thru my brain. But I seem to get past that - maybe meds help but also I've for first time realized I'm vulnerable and can't do this alone. Friends have always been ready to listen to me when I call but it has gotten better in that not suicidal. Grief is another matter. I am returning to UK this summer for month or two for many reasons - one a reccie trip as you call it, see sister and family not seen in over 4 decades. Oh and for those who remember possibility of job in Runcorn - not going to do it. It would be lifetime commitment and would have to live in Runcorn. I don't bloody know anyone in Runcorn and have no desire to live there. BUT I perhaps need a break from everything in US and the Matron of Children's Home where I live is all alone now. She is 83, lives in big house and friend who knows her says she is not as well as she says she is when I call. I have thought about living with her for a year or more (dog comes of course). I won't be able to work as my intent likely will be eventually to return to US.but not too sure. She lives in Newton Stewart which is lovely village. I don't want to play the martyr - first helping look after brother and then the Matron. I will have family in Aberdeen (cousins), friends in Preston, sister in Derbyshire so won't be so isolated. But wondered what people's thoughts were. Am I being a martyr? Is it possibly a good idea to spend year or more in Scotland? Not sure of my bills but will help her as much as I can.. Any input appreciated..I still want to see few cities in US but now I do everything by myself. Vacation alone for example. Dwane was my main tie and he's now gone. But I've stated before I don't believe my journey in US is done. I just feel need to get away from Arizona, the loneliness and be with folks who remember me and love me. i know at first people will be excited to see me but that will wear off - that's life..

curleytops

Hi fulwood, I think it sounds like a really nice idea. As you said, the move doesn't have to be carved in stone forever and something tells me that if you don't try this you'll always wish that you had. You aren't being a martyr; I think both you and your friend would be great company for one another and if you decide in a year or so to move on, then you've had a chance to see life through new eyes so to speak and on to the next adventure. I must say I agree with you about the area - my family knew a farmer in the area and I have fond memories of Newton Stewart; I loved camping there as a kid. Good luck with whatever you decide and here's hoping this new year will be a happier one for you.

fulwood

Thank you Curleytops for nice response. Yes the Matron and Governeor plus all the other staff in Harris Children's Home provided far better home than I had with my own parents. I am still relatively young 52 so could do this and always come back to US if that is what is meant to be. Yes I hope 2014 is better year. Will always miss my brother but he would want me to go on. All the best in 2014 to you as well.

Karrie72

What exciting plans you've made! I hope it all goes well and I look forward to hearing all about it when you've made the trip over!

Trixie_b

In my experience, we only regret the things we didn't do.

Wishing you the best for 2014 and whatever choice you make.

Mummy in the foothills

You don't have to promise to do anything forever. You could see the Matron, see if she would like you there to help out, work part time and still move back to US if you want to or move elsewhere in UK as you need.
Do what you feel you need to you deserve it.

sallysimmons

This sounds like the perfect opportunity to try life in the UK without making a permanent commitment. I say go for it! I don't think you're being a martyr at all - in fact, you may find that the matron helps you more than you help her

dunroving

A +1 for all the other "Go for it" responses. And I don't see it as martyrdom either. I think it will do you good. You need an opportunity to break the cycle of your current situation. Good luck.

lgabriel73

sounds like a good opportunity for you to test the waters and take a break at the same time. I agree with others, go for it!! you really have nothing to lose as you can always go back to the States.

Derrygal

I just came across this thread. Actually Fulwood, I had been wondering how you've been doing as I remembered it was coming up to the anniversary of your brother's death. I agree with what others have said - I think it's a good idea to take time and go to Scotland. Nothing is forever and if you don't try it you will always wonder "what if". I don't think you are being a "martyr" at all - this opportunity may be good for both you and your former matron. I wish you all the very best and hope that 2014 is a much better year for you.
PS - don't blame you for not taking the job in Runcorn - it's not a very nice place. Scotland is so much nicer