raistlin

So here' sour situation...

Been in Canada (Ontario) now for just over 5 yrs. Came over with 2 kiddies (who are now mini-Canadians at 7 and 10 yrs old).

We've tried, and we can see how people love it here, and there are things we love... Great job, great house, great standard of living, but it's just not home...

Homesickness usually came about just before Christmas and then subsided, but has been with us now since last Summer...
So, house going on the market in a few weeks with an aim to sell, get a job back in the UK and then go home.

For those who've been in the same situation - how did you cope????
I mean with the constant worry of "what if we don't sell", "what if we can't get back this year"?? or the constant "urge to go home" - almost to the point of wanting to go home so badly, you almost want to just jump on a plane right now...

Pennines49

[..[/QUOTE]

Exact same time, scenario and feelings,but in Australia
Offer on house, but massive rebuilding job back home, regret moving in the first place.
Still, it has to be done.
Good luck

MrMuffin

It's true for me also. The waves of homesickness came and went up until we had our kids. Now the homesickness is there, all the time, every day.

I've been away from the UK for far too long. So going back home is a huge task to undertake. But all I can do is move closer each day by doing something... anything... towards the goal.

I have been working towards it now for a year and a half and it's looking good to get back by the end of the year. I would go right now, today, this minute, if I could. But I have to be patient. So do you. Whenever I've rushed into things in the past it's ended up costing me somehow. So I'm biding my time and crossing things off the list. That's all I can do and hopefully everything will fall into place. Good luck to you!!

kerrylily

Good luck! The homesickness for me has been increasing through the past 21 years and I'm finally making plans to move. I'd hop on a flight today if it wasn't for the kids/dog/divorce; but I'll hold my horses!

Have you considered VISITING just to wet your whistle? I visited home in February for the first time in 17 years; it helped confirm that the move is what I need to do, and it also filled me up, just a bit, with that sense of HOME that I miss.

Good luck! I hope the home sale goes quickly and smoothly.

Golden-eye

In the same boat, been in Canada 24 years.. My husband had some very serious health issues and that cemented the fact we want to be closer to family and good friends.. Been feeling 'homesick' for a number of years but I think this 'allowed us' to admit it openly and move towards our goal.. We are actually considering Spain as well as the U.K. the reason for this we have been spoiled in Canada when it comes to house size etc.. The cost of living would be cheaper and we would have a better home as well as easy cheap access to family in the U.K who in turn would be more likely to visit us in Spain.
At present it can take 23 hours door to door from small town B.C. to get connections etc It has taken us 3 days due to planes not being able to land due to weather and having to turn back to Vancouver...
The danger is that now we want the move so badly it is overshadowing everything else and in a way erasing the positive memories and experiences as we are focused on all the negatives to justify our return across the pond..
Do we regret ever moving here... ABSOLUTELY .. The grass isn't always greener on the other side!!

Editha

I've been in Canada almost 8 years, and been homesick almost continuously.I don't think it was made easier by the fact that I went home once or twice a year to visit my elderly mother, or by the fact that my husband, who is a Canadian who had spent nearly thirty years living in the UK, showed a surprisingly negative view of his homeland (and a very BC attitude to Alberta) almost from the moment we landed. I was supremely unsuited to the Albertan climate, being a non-driver, prone to sinus infections in cold weather, and allergic to mosquito bites. Every winter here has been torture and summers aren't much better.

However I recognized that it made sense financially, and for my husband's career, if we stayed until his retirement (I was already early retired), so I put up with it until 2010. I spent the first few months of that year in the UK, nursing my mum through an illness, and then found I had to force myself to get on the plane back.

After that, I became obsessed with getting back to the UK. Paradoxically, I started to enjoy life in Alberta more, once I'd been more open with myself and others about how much I hate it here, although that is partly because I've also spent much more time in the UK each year.

We are moving back at the end of June. This last winter seems to be going so slowly it is driving me mad, but we sold the house last year and bought in the UK, our tickets are booked, and everything is done except the packing.

MrMuffin

I hear you! We were planning to move back Jan/Feb of 2015 but this winter has been so brutal that now we're trying to push to make it October/November of this year instead. Just have to make sure to pack our wellies for England though!

dfrbrowne

Just come across this thread and maybe someone can offer me some advice.

I am in florida, have been here since 4th Jan this year. It has been a corporate relocation for my wives career, after asking me to move for about 3 years I finally agreed to give it a go about this time last year and give her some of the support back she has given me over the years (2nd Marriage etc I had kids).

When she used to ask me I said not until my sons are at uni. They are, so I am here with my wife and two young children. (9 and 5).

BUT...
I won't go into all the details, my dad went into hospital on 22nd Dec, he was supposed to spend xmas with us before we moved. He was still in hospital when we left on the 4th. He passed away on the 6th 2 days after we arrived.

The most difficult thing was that I could not understand myself for agreeing to the move, and why did I do it and I have not settled. Two weeks after arriving I was flying home for his funeral. Came back again after 10 days and every day I feel the same, I am not going to give up and I have promised my wife we will give it at least the two years her contract requires. But I am already wanting to plan the timescale for the move back! t has also made me miss my two sons a lot even though they are at uni and this year when they come over for the summer I will probably have seen more of them that if I had stayed.

I regret moving, the only saving grace is that I took our home back in England off the for sale market and am now going to rent it out while here.

Editha

I think it is more difficult if you are the 'trailing spouse', as I was, and having to leave family ties back in the UK just makes it worse.

I admit that in the 8 years I've been here, I've spent a lot of my time in a cocoon of British TV (iplayer and Masterpiece theatre), British newspapers on the web, and plans for our life back in the UK. I don't recommend it as a way of getting over homesickness!

raistlin

@Pennies49 - good luck with the rebuilding job, that side of it is massively daunting for us - and we haven't even sold our house yet..

@MrMuffin - thanks for the advice - spent yesterday clearing out anything that we don't want to take back - makes it feel more 'real'..

@kerrylily - yes, we've told ourseleves that when we have an offer on the house, we'll take a trip back to Blighty to be sure - but we've already joked how
difficult we know it will be to get back on the plane.

@Golden-eye - we've fallen into the same trap a bit (wanting to move so badly it is overshadowing the good-times we've had here (and there have been some good-times)

@Editha - We have a real issue with the weather in Ontario - my wife is allergic to mosquito bites too! I love the skiing in the Winter and cycling in the summer, but start to feel
very clastrophobic about February...

@dfrbrowne - Condolences on your loss (I had to travek back for a funeral last year, it's tough). My wife followed me for a corporate relocation, she found it incredibly difficult
for the first couple of months, but then settled in (I notice you haven't been there for too long). We both agreed to give it a few years (and even agreed to extend my relocation after
2 years), so you may want to see how you feel in 12 months.


@all - I'm not sure why, but it gives me some comfort to know other people are in the same boat - so thanks for all your replies and advice.
If I can give some advie back, it would be this:
Try not to regret emmigrating (I see a few of you do). Whilst there are times I feel almost like I've 'wasted' 5 yrs of my life and totally regret coming here, I find that when I
think like that it almost becomes overwhelming and can actually start to really depress me (actually one of those bouts lead me to post this :-) ). When I start to regret, I do 3 things
(1)I focus on the good-times we've had here, camping, skiing, skating, exploring etc etc
(2)I focus on how we've 'improved' as a family and individuals (even on the most simple level, I now have 2 kids who can ski and skate like they were born to do it)
(3)I think about the stories and memories, that years down the line (when we are back in the UK) I'll look back on with a real fondness, knowing that we at least gave it a go.

tallperson

We have been here 11 years and are going back this Summer! The move was never meant to be forever so we always knew we'd go back one day. My husband was/is very settled from the start. Me a lot less so and have been the driving force behind going back.
What helped me was finally making a plan to move back. We agreed 2 years ago we would leave Summer 2014 when our daughter finished high school and we had saved as much money as possible.
Our house is going on the market very soon and will hopefully sell by July 1st.
The last 6 months have raced by and it all seems very imminent esp. as we need to find a house, business and 3 schools but don't even have an area in UK pinpointed yet.

We don't regret moving here at all but it is a lot harder going back than it was coming!

JDH101

Good luck to everyone on this thread. I've been living in LA for 9 years now, got married to an american 2 years ago and we have our first child 9 months ago who is amazing and totally life changing.

However, for the last few years I've definitely been starting to miss London and the people there more and more. LA can be a very lonely boring place with no socializing after work or doing much at the weekend other than just hanging with my family on the sofa all weekend. And runs to target. Which is fine, but its every weekend!

Like others on this thread, a trip home for a couple of weeks at Christmas usually satisfied my craving for home for a good few months but then that feeling would creep back in again.

But in the last year and a half this feeling has just blown into full time desire to move back. Surrounding myself with UK television and media helps only so much.

So the problem I think I have compared to most here is that my wife is from here. She knows I want to move back and she is open to it, especially as she is not that close to her family who live in San Jose and we are in LA. But I know she might struggle with the English culture and weather. So I really don't know what to do. I keep telling myself we are going to move next year (work is going really well and I just have to suck it up and make some good money), but I do feel bad about making her move.

My mind is made up though. I have to move. So while my wife is talking about pre schools for our son etc, I just pretend to care.

Reading this thread and knowing others go through similar emotions I find strangely helpful, so good luck to you all!

tallperson

It is very difficult when you are from different countries. My husband is french but came to UK to be with me so we have always had the family in 2 countries situation. Harder for you and your wife though as US and UK are so much further apart.
Maybe for both of you making a plan with a definite time frame could help? I think it is when life just drifts that it becomes especially hard to feel happy and settled.
Good luck!

orly

Haven't experienced that. Only been in Canada a few years but when I visited the UK it was great to see friends and family and watch a bit of BBC and have a proper chippy. After that though I wanted to come back to Canada.

Never lived anywhere better than Ontario.

You might find if you go back to the UK you'll end up just missing Ontario instead!

Editha

I've never been to Ontario. Having seen Alberta, I had no wish to experience any more of Canada. But, looking at the weather forecast, I see it is currently -21 in Toronto, compared with +11 in London UK, so I can say categorically, that there is no way that I'd consider Ontario the best place on earth.