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Re: Main reason for moving back?
Thankyou.:) You know something? It was a dreadful experience, a total nightmare I wouldn't wish it on anyone. For a long time I could not believe my ex husband could be so capable of such deception and betrayal. I felt stupid for not seeing his real devious nature however I have seen this a lot since in many people. Is it the norm I wonder??
He had been given so much in England, a top jop, gentleman boss, nice family, respect and acceptance. As soon as he got back here, I was shocked to listen to him absolutely slate England despite the fact that he'd only been asked to return to Australia based on the experience he'd gained in England. I honestly believe they didn't have two brain cells to rub together in the company he came back to and if they did, they probably would have set fire to their own backsides because any bright ideas would surely not have been spoken out of their mouths.;) I felt so isolated, had no family or friends, the woman I worked for had a personality disorder and couldn't communicate unless she screamed and blamed you for everything, I went back to a huge, empty house at night (all the furniture had been taken), slept on an inflatable bed that deflated at approx 3am every morning, and only had a kettle and a jar of marmite. I never knew when I returned home if my ex husband or neighbour would have been inside the house to disconnect the security system and I was frightened of the postman because the level of abuse my ex husbands bent lawyer directed at me in her letters was unbelievable. He taunted me on a regular basis (as part of his bullying technique) that he had an 'accredited' lawyer. Somehow this made her far more superior and capable than my young Polish lawyer. I did tell him that all 'accredited' meant that it was just a licence to get rich quick from the unbelievably dumb clients club but he didn't listen. He lost and his legal bill was far greater than mine.:thumbsup: You know what saved me? My brain, being English and my sense of fairness. I was much smarter than my ex husband and I thank God every day that he was such a dumb idiot. My sense of Englishness made me cope. Brits have amazing coping skills probably because of what we went through during the war. Australia hasn't been bombed yet save for a couple of wrongly fired missiles on a beach off Dawin. Being fair in the law of karma, which I firmly believe in, delivers fairness back to you. I only ever asked for a 50-50 split. Never more and I wouldn't accept less. Thank God I didn't get bumped off (he tried) before it finally went to court because it was there that the law did deliver fairness. It didn't actually go to court, it was resolved through arbitration. It took a year though and he tried every trick in the book including having me locked up in a prison cell on Christmas Eve. I survived that too. But my sense of humour prevailed and again I thank God I am English. I now tell people that my marriage ended on religious grounds. He thought he was God and I didn't.:rofl: Honestly? I am the lucky one. I went through a terrible time but I've waited till now to leave Australia because I didn't want to leave angry or resentful. It's been a hard teacher but I now know who I am, what I'm capable of, where I'm going and what I want. When I get off that plane at Heathrow airport, I am going to HUG the air traffic controller to death!:thumbsup: |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by Mike_Dawson1234
(Post 6563487)
I'm not sure exactly where in the UK as yet, I will actually have to go out there before Tracee and the children in order to secure a job..I will most likley stay at mums first in Hyde near Stockport.
We presently live in Springfield Lakes , Brisbane...looks nice but all man made and everyones in bed by 9.00pm even at the weekends.? Good luck to you and your family ps had to laugh at your comments...they ring true 100% |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by cricket1
(Post 6578717)
Well, wait until you hear my story and please anyone who thinks Australia is the land of plenty while England is a waste of space, I hope my own experiences will reflect a bit more of a balance.
I came here, to the Gold Coast, because of my Australian husband. We'd been married for quite some time and happily living in the UK (I NEVER wanted to give up my life, I had a successful business, beautiful home, loads of friends, family, social life and I was very, very happy). Now, stupid or what, because I am a very loyal person, I stood by my husband despite my friends and grown up kids asking me if it was what I wanted (it wasn't) and I agreed to move to Australia in support of my husband to whom I had been married for 10 years. I cried my heart out when that plane took off from Heathrow and I knew that there was not going to be a happy ending. My friends were devastated, my kids were shattered and my family hurting. Yet, I was of a generation where a wife stood by her husband. Even though I knew my selfish partner had made an outright decision for himself not all of us as a family. There was my first hint of what lay in store but I didn't take it. Without doubt, you cannot miss the fake, false, plastic highly corrupt nature of life on the Gold Coast. It's built on debt, greed, deceipt, dishonesty and the reason it's called the Gold Coast is because it's run by crooks with a handful of honest, decent people trying to survive thrown in for good measure.This is where he brought me. Literally, within a few months I saw him changing from being the polite, courteous man who pretended so well to be in his work and at home in England, to becoming an arrogant, opinionated, lazy and chauvinistic individual once back on his home turf. I couldn't believe the change in him but soon realised this is who he really was. He began finding fault with me and I soon realised that he was looking for an excuse to end our marriage. That was OK, I could live with this, we would just split everything in half and I'd go back home to my old life in England. Imagine my shock when he had secretly changed bank accounts in preparation for leaving and that he had been signed up to internet dating sites soon after we arrived in Australia!:eek: He started going out and staying out and when I told him to get his head sorted (not realising the extent of his deception and fooloishly thinking we could save our marriage), he left. 10 days later I received a letter from his lawyer informing me that he was taking me to court for 70% of our joint assets. Anyway, I realised he had planned all of this from the start. Getting me onto Australian turf, he thought he could isolate me, break, and leave me in a position where I'd be begging for 10% never mind the 30% he thought I deserved. Hell he even spouted off that i only deserved 20% and he honestly believed he was going to get it. This is where I witnessed the smug, over inflated, self opinionated arrogance typical of Australian men. Regard for women is minor and even the women have an unusally different regard for men (visualise cell block H) To cut a long story short, I got myself a good, homegrown Polish lawyer from a Brisbane firm (totally brilliant but still cost me $32,000, never mind though cos it cost the other side far more). It took a year to get settled and I got just less than 50% plus a third of his pension. He screamed and yelled all the way out of court but who cares. That was in November 2006. During the time I had to live on nothing (because he'd emptied the bank account) and while he tried to recruit a neighbour (who was equally a thug) to frighten me into conceding to a much lower settlement) and while he tampered with my car (trying to make me have an accident), and while he approached my family, friends and children telling them I was all kinds of terrible things and that i'd left him, etc, etc, I wondered how I was ever going to be afford to get back to England. With less than half my orginal assets, I couldn't afford to go back to a reasonable living standard. So i made a plan. I am a designer and i have no end of skills I thought (bolstering myself up because if I thought about the actual reality I'd crumble). I bought a house in a top growth area and renovated it. I also designed a product that started selling back to the UK to start creating an income ready to go back to. Today, I have now increased my asset pool to the amount i need to go home so guess what I'm doing next?? I AM GOING BACK TO ENGLAND, YESSSSSSS!:rofl::rofl::rofl: And the best news is that through such a terrible time and seeing both the best and worst of people in this place, I met and married a lovely English man who is coming home with me. You can keep Australia. Like someone said, the corruption, the me first attitude, the harsh nature of some people, the blindness to their own shortcomings and the unwillingness to self improve along with 'I'm right, you're a nobody' has been an eye opener. Please have a back up plan if you're thinking of moving here because whatever you think is so bad in England that you want to leave it, is usually not the place but inside your own head. I have read every post on this thread and I was jumping for joy that it's not just me who thinks this way, I am not alone. And I'm not mad for wanting to return to a country that yes, for sure, it has it's problems but I know about those and it's nothing I can't live with.:thumbsup: Gotta dash, off to pack. Anyone know a reliable removal and shipping company that doesn't nick all your good stuff while it's in a bonded store? |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Wow, Cricket1 what an amazing story - more power to your elbow!!!!!
BTW being one of your potential client group, I do appreciate your endeavours, be sure to point us in the direction of good big girls' comfortable clothing!!!! All the very best for your return to sanity! |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Send me a message quoll and I'll be happy to give you our web site details.
BTW, I have to say goodbye to my much loved pets. I brought my much loved dog from England and he died 8 days after coming out of quarantine. That's another story. Pet lovers, Australia does not want your animals, leave them in England. My dog was fed only half what he should have been given. He was totally emaciated after only one month in quarantine and his spirit gone. I hate myself for bringing him here but it wasn't my idea. Guess who? Anyway, I won't put an animal through it again so if you know anyone on the Gold Coast or Brisbane, I have two beautiful exotic cats, very young and very affectionate, house trained and spoiled. Plus a lovely little Maltese x Shih Tzu male dog, got a problem with small man syndrome (wonder where he got that from????) but otherwise, a really gorgeous little chappie. |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Well done darling, so proud of you and I don't even know you! Go forth and BE HAPPY!!! xxx
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Re: Main reason for moving back?
Well that's the thing, I am happy. I'm not leaving Australia looking back in anger, or because I'm unhappy, or because I think the lifestyle is wrong.
The lifestyle here might be right for Australians but it is wrong for me, I prefer the UK lifestyle for all the reasons stated here on this thread. I do plan to accept an offer to write a book when I get back home but again, it won't be about attacking Australia. It will be about the facts, what happened, then how to survive it. The trick to surviving such an ordeal, and I learnt this early on here, is not to spend too much time thinking about what he's done but to think about what YOU are going to do. Like Mother Theresa, bless her, always said, it's not about you and them, it's about you and God. Not that I'm terribly religious, I think i called God a bastard at least twice during the worst points, but it really is about how you handle things and where you put your energy. That's what the book will be about. |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
You're amazing - makes my weeping and wailing ridiculous!
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Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by Jandysi
(Post 6578962)
Isn't she just! Brilliant. But then so are you Rabsody! :thumbsup:
I need more skills, i need more skills, i need more skills...............:eek: |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
I don't think I'm amazing and I have done my fair share of weeping, slamming doors, wailing, blaming, etc, etc.
I have learned a lot about personal happiness though and how you get it. Strangely, this terrible time brought me to it in a funny kind of way. Happiness is not a 4 bedroomed house with a pool in a hot climate. Happiness is not about a perceived lifestyle. Happiness is not about believing that you will be happy if only you could be anywhere than you are right now. Happiness is a state of being where you can look back and somehow find a resolution or a single thing that acts as an arbitrator between your past and your future. That's what really helps you make a plan and move forwards. I wanted to go home ages ago but I was still in a 'I hate this place' frame of mind. I knew that to go home and be happy, I had to leave Australia with forgiveness and goodwill. I'm at this stage now. I can look back and instead of thinking of the experience as brutal and harsh, which it was, it's how they survive here, I can wave goodbye to what I now see as a very stern father who gave me a hard lesson in life. I will never regret my time here because I needed to learn certain things like knowing my own value and worth in any situation, how I could do the right thing as opposed to the wrong thing and how the power of one can change everything. I also learned to be brave. I'd grown up horrendously bullied in England at school and at home. I'd never shone or stood out, I preferred to hide so I missed a lot of opportunities. Australia forced me to stand up for myself and realise my own abilities. Now I'm ready to go home and reach my full potential before God sends his little messenger. You know? The one that says time's up? And then you sit on that little fluffy cloud and you get your halo and a harp? :rofl: |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by cricket1
(Post 6579325)
Australia forced me to stand up for myself and realise my own abilities.
Now I'm ready to go home and reach my full potential before God sends his little messenger. You know? The one that says time's up? And then you sit on that little fluffy cloud and you get your halo and a harp? :rofl: |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by brits1
(Post 6579056)
Hi Mike, were in Perth W.A living opposite a lovely park and lake etc and as you said all man made and neighbours in bed by 9pm so when we do go for a walk around the park there's not a sole around.....we have been here 10 years (I did think it was 11 until my OH said no it's 10!!!..) anyway about 7 years a go we went over to Queensland to look at a move and we went out Forrestlakes? that's near Springfield....all looked lovely but after thinking long and hard it was not for us...anyway we are from Danebank, Denton, and as soon as we sell our home we are heading home and not a moment to soon!!! we are looking at areas around Romily,Marple....close enough for our families but not to close...all this depends though on selling our home as we may end up staying at my dads for a while if we do not sell here........we have two teenage sons who want to be "home" asap they just cannot wait!!!!
Good luck to you and your family ps had to laugh at your comments...they ring true 100% I have to say the pubs not the best here either , absolutely no atmosphere might as well be on the moon..I wouldn't mind looking at the Peak District area on our return to good old Blighty, things will be a little harder for us as the kids both have British passports and so do I however Tracee (my wife ) will have to get residency (She's Aussie but a rare good one) anyway we intend to make it happen. Romily and Marple are very nice and several little pubs with atmosphere and people actually communicate with each other instead of staring at a machine and feeding it money. All the best to you too, hope everything works out for you all, cheers, Mike. |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Originally Posted by Mike_Dawson1234
(Post 6593271)
We have just put our house up for sale here in Springfield Lakes, bad time to sell but we are crossing our fingers.
I have to say the pubs not the best here either , absolutely no atmosphere might as well be on the moon..I wouldn't mind looking at the Peak District area on our return to good old Blighty, things will be a little harder for us as the kids both have British passports and so do I however Tracee (my wife ) will have to get residency (She's Aussie but a rare good one) anyway we intend to make it happen. Romily and Marple are very nice and several little pubs with atmosphere and people actually communicate with each other instead of staring at a machine and feeding it money. All the best to you too, hope everything works out for you all, cheers, Mike. All the best Jackie |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
Hi Everyone
I too want to return to the UK. This is my second time in the US and I feel it's not where I want to be. I came back for my husband's job and have now been her two years this July. Overall I think the US is OK but like others have said I don't want to be here forever. I have gone over and over things and keep coming back to the same conclusion. I also lost my Mum in May and think life it too short to spend all your time worrying about where you really want to spend the rest of your life. I worry about my kids growing up here with things like healthcare and lack of vacation time. My husband and I have a nice lifestyle here but to me that is not everything. I feel bad as the kids love it here my husband also would prefere to stay. The one problem we would have if we returned is that my husband would be based in Brussels not the UK. So I would be living in the UK and he would be in Brussels and come home Fiday to Monday.That's the bad part but I think it is the lesser of two evils. The only other choice is to stay here in the US. My Husband says we should live here and retire back to the UK later but then I'm left with only seeing my kids now and again and traveling back and forth to see them all the time as I'm sure by then they will be settled in the States and not want to return back to the UK with us. Please any advice on what to do would be great. |
Re: Main reason for moving back?
I really understand how you feel. If you read my first post, (back a page I think), you'll read how I came to Australia to support my now ex husband and how he dumped me, took all the money and ran off. Then he came back with a court claim for 70% of our joint assets. At the time I didn't have a gun to shoot the ba*****d.
Anyway, no one can really give you advice but I would definately be true to yourself and follow your heart, not your husband or even your kids. You've got to be happy for you. It's not long since you lost your mum. That hurts, you won't feel happy or settled for some time until you've gone through the grieving factor. Maybe you could go back to the UK for an extended trip and see how you really feel before you make any final decision. Then work out why you want to go back there. I know my reasons are mostly business and because it's where I feel a connection. I don't think australia is a bad place but I don't feel a connection here and sure is hard trying to run a business when staff celebrate a birthday that lasts a week.:curse: I'm always mindful of what i wish for in case I get it so I always make a list of all my reasons for doing anything just to check with myself that I'm on board flight reality and not flight fantasy. Sorry about your mum. Spend some time looking after you for now. Bugger everyone else.:thumbup: |
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