Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

I wouldn't mind some outside perspective on this. I'm driving myself crazy.

Been in Los Angeles for just over 4 years. It was my dream to come here for a long time. If I'm honest, a part of me has been unhappy since I've been here. The place is great, it's the lack of friends. I never really gelled with anyone at work and have tried all the usual meetups, clubs etc. Not sure if it's harder to get good friends here due to it being so spread out or it's that I'm older now.

I decided to work really hard in my spare time to gain a screenwriting qualification and have now been accepted onto a screenwriting masters degree program. I left my career of 18 years (video game programming) and am due to start university next week.

It hit me yesterday as I went to the pub to watch the football (and going back on Facebook after an absence of 2 years) that all I wanted at that moment was to be back in England watching it with mates.

My parents desperately want me to come back, but I'm scared if I do that I'll regret it down the line. I'm still 2 years away from citizenship so I think it would be final if I do move back. Plus I'd have to go back to my old career.

I am swapping a hell of a lot to chase these dreams (becoming successful at screenwriting is a tiny chance), i.e. my nephew was 5 when I left, he's nearly 10 now! Friends have had a lot change in their lives.

The worst part is that if I'd stayed where I was about 10 years ago before traveling the uk and then moving to the US, I'd own a home and have a tidy bank account. At the end of this screenwriting masters degree, I'm going to be down to zero.

I seem to be all about taking risks, but I'm not sure if it's making me happy.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

For what it's worth, I think you should go home. That's where your heart is, and honestly, the chances of making a living at screenwriting are very small, as I'm sure you know.

I think you can pursue another career once back home if you wish, and you've got a skills with which to make a living right off the bat.

Home is where the heart is.....

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

First of all, rest assured that there are many here who will understand what you are going through. I would say that if you are feeling indecisive about staying in the US, ask yourself this question: am I prepared to stay here for the rest of my life? If not, you may want to take a trip home for a couple of weeks at least to see how you feel about being on home turf. Reason I say this is that there have been a few of us who kept staying longer and longer and then were unable to leave in the end due to grandchildren or illness. Much as we all want to have everything, sometimes we cannot have both the ideal job AND all the family and friends we desire. Then it becomes a matter of priorities and what is more important. We have been wanting to leave since 2012, but will only finally leave in 2016, and I have been holding my breath the entire time hoping that nothing gets in the way of a smooth transition home. You just never know. Anyway, the point is, if you are going to go home, better to go before the years add up and circumstances get in the way. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Am I prepared to stay in the U.S. for the rest of my life?
Good question. If I could move my family & friends over here then yes. But as that's not going to happen, I just don't know.

I don't miss the actual place (or weather) of home, just some people. I also feel a little guilty about how much I know my parents miss me.

A sensible plan is probably to give the first semester a go, and then take an extended trip home over Christmas to decide the next step (although I'm rarely sensible :lol:)

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

As an outsider, I would say that does sound to be a sensible plan - you may also find that the atmosphere at university is more conducive to making friends which might improve your feelings about living there.

With only 2 years to being eligible for citizenship, it might be worth thinking long and hard about sticking things out until then - that would really keep your options open regarding where to live.

Good luck with it all :)

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

What Rebs said.

I think if you go back now, you'll think of the years you spent in the USA as wasted, but if you get the MA and citizenship, even if you decide to come home, you'll have achieved something.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

I think Rebs has nailed it. Hopefully your degree program will help you find more friends to socialize with, but to make that work you will have to be flexible about how/ where you socialize, and not obsess about football and pub culture.

It sounds like some of your issues may be location specific and if you stay, you might consider moving to another state that would be more appealing to you. FWIW if I had tried to stay in NY, which is where I started out in the US, it is likely it would have driven me crazy and I would probably have headed back to the UK. Luckily, and having a USC wife, we left NY and headed south - I love it here and have no intention of going back.

That said I also don't have either a large family in the UK to draw me back, nor any interest in football to miss.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Pulaski has that knack of seeming perfectly sane. As for the football-obsessed OP, maybe he should head back to the Yookay. Or develop an interest in the sports played locally ?

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

First of all, if he stays, he's not likely to move to another state until he's done with the Master's Degree, so he'll still need to deal with the same circumstances in LA. Also, has he not already spent 4 years working and possibly going to school? I'm just saying that he's still going to be dealing with the same stuff, IMO. And as far staying to get citizenship and gaining a Master's in something he may, sorry to say, never find useful, they may be accomplishments, but to what end? And all that money spent....

If he longs for his mates and family, I can't see putting off going home.

I guess I just think that people are so important in a person's life, and he's already been unhappy for 4 years. Why add 2 more? For US citizenship that he may not ever need?

Just my 2 cents.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Also think about regret.. What will you think if you don't get citzenship? What will you think if you don't back to UK for 2 years? How will you feel if you don't get your MA? Just ask yourself if you can live with those decisions because there really is no going back. I have regrets about certain things and it eats me alive at times. I have citizenship and I plan on moving back to UK for good..BUT if it does not work out I have an outlet ie I can come back to US but would choose a bloody different state than Arizona. Good luck.. The fog will clear and you'll know what is best for you.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Just wondering why you say there's no going back?

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Thanks all for the great input.

To clear up a few things: I already have bachelors and masters degrees in my field of games programming. The screenwriting was meant to be a change for me. To make me 'happy' as they say.

Now I can be very stubborn and stick it out for 2 years, then god knows how many years to try and break into the industry. However, I was recently posed a situation which made me stop and think. It was suggested to me that I could always do screenwriting as a hobby. This sounds like an awful idea to me which speaks volumes. I can't be that in love with the writing only the results which sets me up for failure.

Regrets. Now there's the issue. I already regret all the missed time with friends and family. Would I regret moving back in 6 months when scraping ice off my wind screen? I just don't know.

As I can get all my money back if I cancel my course in the next few days, I'm leaning towards just going for it and moving back to the uk. I'm not happy, so something needs to change either way.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

I just know that at 42 now, I wouldn't want to go through the whole visa process again.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

I think you've got your answer then.

At the end of the day, the people in your life are the most important. You're lucky to have them and time is flying by.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

It is something that you can go round in circles analyzing the pros and cons, but in the end, gut instinct is what will give you the answer.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Yes thanks guys. It's done. I do agonize for a while but when I make a decision, it's final. I'll be spending the next however long it take selling whatever little stuff I do have and wrapping things up.

I still have a big chunk of money to take back and somewhere to stay so no issues there.

I might need some info over the logistics. Is this the right forum for that?

I have learnt a lot while I've been here, mostly about myself, and it would have always been a regret if I didn't do it. In the end I realized that people come first, however determined I am sometimes to go it alone.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Without knowing if he is on a green card or rules for visas I mean he may not be able to come back to US at all or as easily if he does not have his citizenship. So if he chooses to go back he might lose opportunity to ever get citizenship again. I don't know his cirumstances but stilll a possibility. I have regrets and I can't do anything to change it as the person is dead but I wish I redo things.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

All the best.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

"In the end I realized that people come first, however determined I am sometimes to go it alone."

:amen: Good for you!

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Yes, people come first. :starsmile:

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

I'm booked on a flight back arriving into Heathrow on 7th September. Now I've actually committed, I didn't realize how much I miss people. I think I'd been blocking it out.

I'm selling most of my stuff but I have about 2 boxes (18x18x18") that I need to get shipped back. Any recommendations? I'm awaiting a quote from upakweship but it looks like they deal with larger volumes, and ups/fedex are really expensive I think.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Oh and my other issue is that I don't have a UK bank account to transfer my money to. Is there any way of setting one up from here? I am a bit weary of leaving my funds in my US accounts. Do most people just wait until they're back to sort this out?

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Have you told your parents yet?☺

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Of course.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Alrighty then.....just asked because I wondered how they reacted since you said they missed you so much.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Ah yeah I see. I've been talking things through with them often on skype. They're over the moon but it is going to be quite tough for me to transition back as there's a lot I do like about my life in the U.S. However, I know I just can't have everything. The question that really swung it for me was "Are you prepared to stay for life and give up all the family/friend experiences back in England?" I just can't commit to that.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Woaaahhhh! I'm in almost exactly the same predicament!
I too have been in Cali for four years (Orange County) and haven't found any friends. I miss home terribly but I do worry about moving back but regretting it down the line.
I hope everything works out for you back home :) Keep your chin up!

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Good for you!!!!! I know that feeling of moving back well (I lived there for 12 years!) So much excitement but a lot of worry!!!

You should be able to open a bank account really easily. You can always wait until you move back and then transfer the money from the US using a company like xetrade.com and then close the US account.

Good luck with everything. You can always take a screenwriting course - you don't need an MA. I work in the industry (film) and every writer I've ever met has said that a degree in writing was pointless. You need to learn how to work within structure but you don't need to spend thousands of dollars (or pounds) on a degree in it.

Here's to the next chapter!

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Opening a UK bank account can be more complicated than you think. I had huge difficulties, even with an address in the UK !

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Really? I had no issues even with being a dual citizen. I guess different banks have different rules.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

BW,
Have you had any work since you moved back to the UK?
Cheers

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Summer was pretty quiet but I've booked a couple things! Only been back since end of February so not too bad.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

So far, not so good :(

Been back a week and I hate it. It's cold and miserable & I've sunk into depression (I am seeking help for that), so I don't really trust my decisions at the moment.

I went out for a reunion with friends but they've all moved on and more importantly I've changed.

If I need to make new friends here then I should have stayed where I was!

I do feel I'm on a tight deadline now if I do want to move back, to find another job in the U.S. before I lose my green card.

I really wish I'd have taken people's advice and took a holiday rather than completely selling up.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

A week isn't long, is it? You haven't mentioned your parents and the other relatives you talked about. And the weather...is that a surprise? And what about watching football in the pubs? It sounds like you have forgotten the reasons you went back.

You just sound overtired and stressed out. Give yourself a chance to re-acclimate.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Definitely give it more than a week. The weather has been terrible but we've been hit by the tail end of a tropical storm (or something....wasn't 100% listening to the weatherman!) You've been hit with homesickness. It happens to us all. Your friends will have moved on but it takes more than a week to reconnect with them.

Take some time. Go see family, go watch football at the pub. Give yourself time!

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Having moved a few times in my life, I remember some advice given to me that you should allow yourself at least six months to adapt to a new location. How you are presently feeling is quite normal as there can be a sense of loss when one moves from one country to another. Focus on the positive for now and 'count your blessings'. Hopefully in time you will feel more settled.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

An update on this.

I've been back in the UK for 5 weeks and just can't settle back in. My friends have all gone their own ways and I miss certain things in California. I ended up spending most days and nights alone in the bedroom I grew up in at my parents house.

Now I feel like I'm in limbo. After being offered my old job back in California, I decided to give it another go. This time focusing more on socializing now that I know 'the grass is greener back home' is a myth.

The problem is my parents. I've really hurt them both by saying I was moving back. My dad is upset but holding it in, and my mom verbally attacking me saying I'm worthless and will never amount to anything. I'm sure it's just the hurt talking but it affects me deeply.

So now, I'm holed up in a hotel alone, waiting for my flight back to the US tomorrow, with no idea what's the right path, and completely upset about my parents.:(

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

So this is news to you, you're worthless and won't amount to anything? ;) That's what parents are for, to point that out. I loved my parents but it was only when they both died that I was liberated from this.

Anyway, remember to pack the hotel soap and shampoo, good flight, welcome back to the U.S.!

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

Thank you. That gave me a little bit of perspective. I always think these things only happen to me.

Re: Keep chasing dreams or move back?
 

They don't. We do it to our kids all the time. It's fun.