Jitters
 

Ok so I have been lurking and reading the posts on this forum for a long time now. It is always a pleasure to read the success stories and people getting home to family and making a go of things even when its not always easy or as they expected.

It has taken 2 years to sell my house in Australia and I have been here for almost 7 years. I have always wanted to go home to the UK from about 4 months in. My husband is very settled and does not want to go but has reluctantly agreed.

Is it normal to now feel totally terrified, am I doing the right thing ?
We have 3 children who were all born in England but don't remember much, my eldest would be starting high school in September. We will have minimal funds for a deposit on a house but better than nothing.

Just feeling a little overwhelmed and not much support.

Re: Jitters
 

It is completely normal what you are feeling. I am going through the same feelings. Just sold my house and will be moving back in May after being in the US for 18 years. I know its where I want to be but I still have my moments where I freak out and panic about what will happen when I get back. I expect that I will have many more freak outs before I go and probably many when I arrive in the UK. Sometimes I cant really believe I am doing this and it seems surreal. Every time I have one of my freak out moments I try to think about something great about moving back, like going in to town with my mum or being there to watch my niece and nephew grow up. this usually puts my mind at ease. It is very overwhelming with so many things to take care of too. Hang in there and just keeping thinking about your new life in the UK and all the great things you will be doing. If you want to vent feel free to PM me.

Re: Jitters
 

Hi Meg and Mog

As already said, its really normal to feel like this and don't forget its our job to worry about everything:)

I wish I could say everything will be fine, don't worry, but we all know that's not possible. But, is there any questions that we can answer that may help calm some of your worries.

One that may help, is we have returned from the US after 2.5 years and I have a DS who went into 2 year of high school. The US has a terrible reputation on their standard of education and I was so worried, but it was pointless worry. We returned and my DS has settled fine and is not behind at all. A DD who is 10 and last year of primary, again worried for nothing, has adapted fine.

Anything we can help with we will, I have found people on here to be very helpful.

Re: Jitters
 

Perfectly normal I'd say! Unfortunately the crystal ball makers have gone out of business so you can only make decisions based on the best information you have at the time!

The kids will be the least of your worries I suspect. Have you tried to get a job before you leave? Lots of people seem to have managed to do that. Getting a mortgage can be a bit of a struggle - there will be others who know how to go about getting one and can give you some tips.

It'll be an adventure no matter what but always remember that you can't move back to what you had and treat it like a new move forward with all the hard work that entails. Good Luck!

Re: Jitters
 

I found deciding to move back to Britain more stressful than our original decision to move to Canada. That felt like an adventure when we were younger. Moving back feels like a bigger decision about the rest of our lives.

These thoughts helped me:

Most of the the things we worry about will never happen.

We are just picking an option we can live with. (So we don't have to worry whether it is the best possible choice. We can't know that.)

Re: Jitters
 

I think your last point is easy to forget. We have so many options these days and quality of life is generally so much better than just 30 years ago that it is easy to expect perfection. For most people, that will end in dissatisfaction wherever you choose to live.

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Thanks for your replies, I think I'm just in shock because I thought it was never going to happen and now have until the end of March to sort everything. People are so negative about the Uk here when you tell them your going back, so you have part of you wondering if they are right. Deep down I know it's the right thing to do I have never been settled here.
I am searching for job opportunities and have several contacts who I used to work with so hopefully will have something lined up soon.
Looking at renting initially so can Suss out mortgages .
Have huge list of things to do :blink: one step at a time

Re: Jitters
 

I would be worried if you were not worried...lol...We had just over 12 years in Aus and really we did not mind Aus but we did eventually find we just did not feel at home there and returned home, it took us a few years to arrange our move (our two Sons schooling timing etc) but we are happy to be home and I look back and think I wish I had not stresses so much over the if's and but's but that's how it was for me then. We had no problems finding a rental which we decided to do until we found an area we finally wanted to settle in. I would say ignore the people who are negative about something you want to do to me that's not being a great friend, we went through all of that and the truest friend I had was an Australian who was so supportive I will be forever thankful to her. You know what YOU need to do even tough sometimes the waters get a bit muddy at times. Take a step at a time, sort out what your taking home, sell/give away what your not bringing, arrange flights, book removals and your nearly there. Good luck March is a good time to arrive home, start of Spring, lighter mornings, daffs etc are out

Re: Jitters
 

Just to say that I'm going through the same thing too - am planning to move back to the UK by mid-April at latest. I've cut myself off from anyone who suggests that I'm mad to move back to the UK - I don't think people really understand what living in another culture is like unless they've done it first hand themselves. And it is overwhelming sorting everything out - so what you're feeling is normal. I often feel overwhelmed but I remind myself that the opportunities for work in the UK for me are far better than where I am now (Canada). Glad your husband agreed to you moving back - mine never understood what I was going through and refused - hence now an ex-husband. I think the other thing for me (which I'm realising more and more) is that the housing market is so difficult in the UK and a lot of people think about the improved opportunities with respect to housing if you buy and live abroad. But having a nice house isn't everything - people/friends and work and the culture you live in matter too. Good luck and hang on in there.

Re: Jitters
 

I know exactly how your feeling, have been living in france for three years and have really not adapted to the culture or language in my case. You don't really know how it feels until you are in that position. OH has agreed we can go back so planning on a summer return so the kids can start the September school year. Even so the move back feels quite overwhelming trying to get everything sorted plus our house here is only half renovated so we can't even rent or sell it at the minute but hoping we can fix the rest up over years. Will have to rent in UK but at least there are jobs over there compared to here plus the wage here is so low with all the taxes that need paying. Trying to stay positive but sometimes the whole task looks impossible but can't wait to be back in my own culture. Good luck......

Re: Jitters
 

I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling nervous about returning home. I wasn't half as concerned about moving to the US as I am about returning to the UK, as someone else has already said, it seemed like a big adventure at the time. I have a nice home in Florida and am enjoying the mild winter weather. With the exchange rate they way it is, we wont be able to afford much of a house back home and the weather in the UK right now is horrible ..... I think to myself that I must be mad wanting to leave this. Then I remind myself about how much I hate the humidity here, and the excessive heat through the summer, the mosquito's and huge cockroaches and that it doesn't stay light in the summer evening like it does back home. I remember all the fun and interesting things I used to do at home that I can't do here, I remember that my friends and family will only be a car ride away. In fact apart from the mild winter weather, I can't think of one single thing that I'll miss about Florida and the US .... certainly not the people or the lifestyle. You know what .... I can't imagine why I'm feeling jittery about returning home........ Home ....home ... isn't that a great word :D

Re: Jitters
 

I am feeling the same!
I am 38, married to an uruguayan with a child almost 4.
I have been away more than 10 years and have been talking to my wife about going back for the last two years.

Since we were both made redundant two months ago we decided now is the time especially as our son hasn't started primary.

I am very scared for my wife. She wants to leave but does not want to leave her parents of course.
She is part of a very close family here with parents in their mid eighties. She needs close family and lots of friends. I have found a local latin/Spanish group meet up every month which I hope will help her find friends.
My parents will be close by but it is true that the culture is very different.

I hope she makes it through the initial stages of homesickness for us to stay long term.

Re: Jitters
 

Similarly jittery, t minus 6 weeks, keep thinking good uk things

Re: Jitters
 

6 weeks to go for you Pennines wow, I'm a bag of nerves with 4 and a half months to go. I don't know why but for me going back seems so much more intense than going away feel sick to my stomach everyday at the thought of organising everything and then having to sort a job when I get back but anxiety is normal I suppose...

Re: Jitters
 

agreed, seems harder going back....but no turning back , tunnel vision

Re: Jitters
 

Ok feeling totally overwhelmed today.
Teacher of my youngest has basically told me my son will struggle if he goes into appropriate age group in uk school. He is in term one in year 2 here in Australia and would be in term 3 in year 3 in the uk. Going to year 4 in September. She thinks he will not cope emotionally, socially, or academically.
Does anybody have experience of holding their child back a year? he has a July birthday so would not be that much older than his peers.


Flights are booked ! But husband not flying with us staying for 3 months to bridge gap whilst I find a job. Dragging his feet is an understatement :frown:

Sorting and brutally selling and donating to charity. Trying to navigate container quotes and still over on a 20 ft despite frantic sorting.

Have applied for a job and waiting to see if have been short listed.

I think I am slowly going mental this is so stressful, having to do everything on my own, it's like punishment for wanting to go back. People who have heard we are going back and not bothered with me for months/ years are suddenly interested in my well being and reasons for returning . I think I'm in the twilight zone.

Sorry enough rambling will get a grip now :blink:

Re: Jitters
 

Oh sweetie, I had the same thing happen to me (not the husband dragging his feet) teachers telling me how our sons would struggle, booking everything (just for 3 as my husband also was staying in Aus until his contract was completed) trying to find shippers, what I was taking or not. You will get there but try and do one thing cross it off then go on to the next. Ignore the teachers, your children will get all the help they need here IF required. You will come out of this a stronger person, don't think this is a punishment on you, it what a lot of us have to go through to get home. Good luck take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back and start the next step (a glass of wine or a coffee somewhere nice helped me when I felt really stressed)

Re: Jitters
 

Somedays are going to feel like that even more so if the teachers are adding more stress to how your child will do but remember you will work your way through it. Plus emotionally you will feel stronger back on home soil and this will give you more strength to help your child settle back in. My wife's family are trying to paint a negative picture on us going back as they all live here in france (but nowhere near to where we are) and don't understand we have enough stress to sort everything out to return to the UK. They have been saying it will be too hard on the kids to move and are really trying emotional blackmail for us to stay here but for the past three years we have really tried here for work and fitting in but for me I know I cannot be happy here and we always agreed if this happened we would go back but her family cannot accept this.
The stress is so intense but and yes it feels like being punished for going to another country to try to make a new life. But you will be all the more stronger when everything is done and you are home. But there is a huge feeling of being in some sort of twilight zone at the minute it is a strange feeling and personally I think it is the stress of the situation that makes it feel this way, just want to feel like me again back Home where I belong. Good luck to you but I know your kids will be fine you know them better than anyone else so trust yourself that you are doing the right thing...

Re: Jitters
 

I wouldn't worry about this. Kids are pretty adaptable, and I think the teacher is just trying to prepare you for a possibility.

Jumping from Term 1/Year2 to Term 3/Year 3, and going into Year 4 in September might be a challenge, in a new country with a different syllabus, but this isn't written in stone. It depends on how quickly your son can catch up, and he will get support, but letting him step back a year isn't a major issue at his age.

For most kids, being slightly older than the rest of the class is far easier than being significantly younger. Children start school at 6 - 7 in South Africa, and I've known several expats who came from the UK and insisted that their children join a class at their academic level, where the average age was 1 - 2 years older. A lot of schools are against this, but some parents insisted. It was fine at primary school, and the kids coped well - often coming close to the top of the class - but some of them ran into problems when they reached their teens and high school. Youngsters of 13, turning 14, often found themselves in a very different emotional and social space from the rest of their class who were 15 - 16.

Just take it easy, and it will sort itself out. All the best.

Re: Jitters
 

You need to argue your case with the UK school based on the difference in start time of the school years between the 2 countries. One of mine went back a year.
The UK school year starts in September whereas the NZ/Australian is February of the following year - that is a massive difference. Yr2 to to Yr4 in a couple of months doesn't sound reasonable however bright your child. Ask the teacher to put the situation writing as the UK school may be ignorant re the difference in the school year timings.

Re: Jitters
 

I think getting something in writing would be hugely helpful as an introduction to the new school in the UK. They are going to want your child to thrive too and will help you decide which is the best grade for him to join in the UK. Having something from the teacher in Australia will be helpful to explain the "possible" difficulty he might have. Maybe the teacher would also be open to allowing you to give your son's new school his/her email address in case they would like to ask for more info/clarification of the differences in the Australian system.

I know its easier said than done but try not to worry too much about this aspect, the vast majority of teachers (everywhere) really do want the best for their students, even if you can't get anything in writing I am sure that if you explain the concern expressed to you by his current teacher his new teacher will try to make his transition as stress free as possible.

Good luck, just keep ticking things off the list, it will all get done in the end and all this stress will be behind you.

Re: Jitters
 

Can completely relate to your post Meg and Mog - and I haven't got kids and have yet to apply for work!

The packing is stressful - I think I've broken the back of mine now but just the process of sorting through stuff takes so much more time than one thinks it will (at least that has been my experience) - and, of course, the time taken to do it seems overly long when one has a ton of other stuff to do too.

Keep at it - you will get there (as I will I, I hope!). Like others have said, just focus on ticking things off your list - that way it's less overwhelming (I've found).

Re: Jitters
 

I also found that making up a calendar has helped me. So many things to do and things that need to be done at specific times. I have it on my fridge and add to it when I think of things. All those little things like cancel cable and phone, electric, dog vets appts. Its really helped me clear out my mind an feel a bit more on top of things.

Re: Jitters
 

I just made a move elsewhere in the USA - sold everything I had, too - and drove 1500 miles across the country with my pets. Talk about stress!!! However, I have to look at it as a step towards going home to the UK. I had to force myself to do it.

For the entire month before I made this move and for the two weeks after I got here, I had a tingling sensation down both arms and couldn't sleep well. It was extremely stressful! However, it is the only solution I could think of that would allow me to find work so I could save to go home to the UK. It is not a move I wanted to make by any means but it is one I HAD to make if I ever wanted to get back home.

I think the move to the UK will be less stressful now, since everything is already sold - you could say I am already uprooted. I am living temporarily with a friend here until I am gainfully employed at which point I will get my own place. I will furnish it with the minimum possible, though - just a bed and a sofa and the necessary kitchen items. I don't plan to be here more than a year at the very, very most but the end of the fall of this year is my goal.

I already have one great job in the works and it looks very hopeful! If it materializes, it will have all been worth the stress.

Sometimes we have to fight fire to achieve our goal.

Re: Jitters
 

Most UK schools are quite use to having pupils from other countries who have been taught in different ways, subjects, years etc as I said we have "done it" both ways with our Sons and each time they have been out of sinc with their ages and years etc but both have settled in each countries and now back in the UK one is at Uni the other has just finished Uni and waiting to start his PGCE this September. I always use to just take in their recent work and I never needed to explain about the school starting times as the colleges/schools here in the UK were already well aware of the difference.

Re: Jitters
 

Worst day today,wife resigned, advised school, house now half empty.....many thoughs......I think once you migrate your mind is always torn

Re: Jitters
 

I think your right but depending on how long you have been away. A friend of mine was away for twelve years and it is only now after being back home for three years that he is feeling comfortable about being back, but 12 years is a long time to be away a lot changes but I think for those of us who have not been away too long the readjustment period may be a bit better. I think those of us who have expatriated it is a weird in limbo experience to live in, some days I regret ever leaving in the first place then if I had stayed I would of always wondered. I dunno maybe I'm just talkin nonsense....aghh it would have been so much easier if I had just been able to settle here!

Re: Jitters
 

I have been there myself, I felt worse (and we all wanted to go back home) than the rest of my family, I cried(secretly) when I sold my chesterfield (to a lovely family though) I looked around our rental after our furniture left and cried.....again (secretly again lol) felt sad at saying goodbye to things and places I enjoyed (that's human nature), yes for me that part was hard (I felt the same way when we left the UK for Aus) but I had to look at the bigger picture and since then life has been good for our family and quite rich as we have also done and seen things we dreamed about doing while in Aus and for us it's just really made us feel that fulfilled. Try to look at it that your going forward and starting afresh and you have to do what your doing now to get there. Good luck

Re: Jitters
 

Hi

I think a lot of expats feel that way, I/we have come back home that little bit wiser and appreciative of certain things and that bit more confident.

Re: Jitters
 

Hi thought I would take 10 mins break from the drudgery of sorting and chucking things out.

Myself and the kids fly in 3 weeks time and the weeks are flying by in a blur.
Sorted a container given up on a 20 ft and will have to take a 40 ft but it won't be full !
Have got a job interview lined up 3 days after we land.
Have got 40 hours of night shift left to work over the weekend and then that's me finished, it's all very scary.
Have about 6 different lists on the go and still waking in the middle of the night to add more.
The whole moving across the world thing is very stressful and almost every hour making note to self never to do it again!
I am trying to think forward to when I am settled with my family again.
Will stop rambling now, am just thankful that there are others out there that understand and have been supportive and listened to my woes.

Re: Jitters
 

Thanks for advice on schooling I will get a letter from the school and then just go with the flow and take advice from the teachers in order to have the smoothest transition for the kids. I am learning to let go of things I can't control it's a steep learning curve but character building !!!

Re: Jitters
 

Good luck. You will soon be out the other side which in itself can be a relief.

Re: Jitters
 

Hi,

You will get there in the end....a long road I know but you will. If you can try and bring some of your childrens actual work back with you in your hand luggage, it will be great for their new school to see their personal work as well. Good luck and try and come up for air now and again lol.xxxxxxxxxxx

Re: Jitters
 

Good luck to you, Meg and Mog--and all who are in the packing/planning to move stage--it is SO hard and stressful, the advice given here is good--lists, and more lists; and above all, little breaks for a glass of wine or whatever calms you down--

and just remember, this too shall pass! I look back at the frenzy I was going through this time last year (moving from France to UK, nightmare logistics as things changed mid-process, etc...) and the memory has all faded into a blur!

It is a huge life change...sometimes you think, WHY am I doing this again?? Just need to keep holding on to what you know in your gut....it is what you need to do.