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Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by Jessie James
It is such a tough one and I feel just the same way you do - common sense says stay here but it's the emotional side that leaves the knot in my stomach and it's hard for the two to co-exist!
Added to that is the fact that my partner doesn't feel the same - I would love to hear from people who have made the move back when one half isn't as keen as the other. Does it work long-term? I worry that if I push for a move it will ruin our relationship if it's not what he really wants......on the other hand the same could happen here if I stay :confused: Think about why you left the UK because, finally, I don't want to go back and live there so I know that me being in the top 10 for homesickness and resistance to change, well if I can do it, so can you :-) |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by digsee
I know beaches aren't everything but there is a fresh feel to living in an area like that and also the sense of space and light. While obviously friends are the most important thing, it is difficult to adjust to the UK after having experienced that kind of quality of life.
The thing is, I find when I move from the sea to inland - wherever it is - I just miss the openness of the sea. |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by LoobyLoo
Its good to know I am not the only one feeling confused!!! I have been in Oz for 6 years but having recently split up with my Aussie partner of 7 years I am contemplating going back to the UK!!!
I am really torn as I feel like I have worked so hard over the last 6 years to build up my life here and I now have great friends and a fantastic lifestyle - BUT - and isn't there always a but - I am not sure this is where I want to grow old!!! The worst thing is I now feel like I have a foot in two camps. I really miss my family and being part of their lives but a lot of my friends in the UK have moved on with their lives and moved to different parts of the country so realistically if I went back I would have to start again developing friendships and building up a life. Where as here I have a good social life and a nice house and lifestyle but no family!! I am lucky in that I have got my citizenship so have the luxury of being able to leave and come back if I decide it is the wrong decision but that is far from ideal!! I just can't decide what the right thing for me is - the thought of going back to cold grey winter days scares the life out of me but being near my family would be fantastic!!! Ahh I don't know how anyone makes this decision - its just too damn hard and just when I think I've decided something happens and i change my mind again!! For us in the end, our hearts told us which is home. And home is what matters - not sun, cheap restaurants, beaches and flat whites. We feel like we've been chasing rainbows to be honest. We fell for an illusion, and bought into a fantasy, that doing a geographical 12,000 miles could make us happier. We thought that 'quality of life' was somehow objectively quantifiable, and of course Australia has it in buckets, right? But quality of life isn't a latte by a Sydney beach in your suft shorts. Or sitting in your big air conditioned house in Perth, a squillian miles from civilisation. It's a feeling that you belong, that you are loved and valued, and that if the shit hits the fan, you can make 5 phone calls and have 5 friends/family who know you better than your anyone at your door in as long as it takes them to drive there. We don't have that here and we had it before. My wife was on the phone to a very good friend of ours the other day. Her friend said, "Oh by the way, we've gathered some stuff for you for when you get back - a fridge, a dining room table and chairs (etc etc). And you can stay at ours for as long as you want (etc)"! It damn near brought a tear to my eye - that they had foreseen that we were starting out again and were there to help us out. They want us back. Stuff webcams, we need people. Quality of life is also that your needs are met, and that you feel secure, and so on. If you move from east Sydney to a poor part of the UK, then disappointment looms - but that's probably unlikely unless that is home for you. Good areas of Sydney/Melbourne/Canberra and increasingly Brisbane are as expensive as good areas of the UK. Crime is a big issue because it has the potential to raise fear. A little research into the real levels of crime (per 1000 people) - rather than the perception given by media - is helpful in that respect (check police websites or www.nationmaster.com, I think). Check out the Australia board and you'll hear the horror stories of the UK, but not those of Australia - like the two 14 y/o girls who killed a taxi driver. The media is the same - playing up crime in the UK far more than here. Anyway, I digress. But we're glad we did it. It scratched an itch I had for 12 years or so. And it was interesting, and fun, and we got a gorgeous baby girl out of it (and some great flat whites), but in truth we were happier with our lives, notwithstanding bub, before. Because we were home, and for us this 'best country in the world' chorus (actually sung by every new world country) says nothing to me about my life. |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
Good luck with the decision making. ...............................and for us this 'best country in the world' chorus (actually sung by every new world country) says nothing to me about my life.
c |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
My wife was on the phone to a very good friend of ours the other day. Her friend said, "Oh by the way, we've gathered some stuff for you for when you get back - a fridge, a dining room table and chairs (etc etc). And you can stay at ours for as long as you want (etc)"! It damn near brought a tear to my eye - that they had foreseen that we were starting out again and were there to help us out. They want us back. Stuff webcams, we need people.
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Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by Lizzi
if it's any consolation we spend all our vacation time in Ontario, the people and the country are so wonderful. Plus of course you can get lots of Brit food in the supermarkets, and having a drink is OK, whereas here in the US it's clearly a sign that you are an alcoholic. :rolleyes:
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Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
And that was exactly how I felt when I moved from Lancashire to Bournemouth. It felt like a different country. I couldn't believe the improvement in my quality of life. I remember phoning my Dad from I think near Hengistbury Head and saying how I didnt know places like that existed in the UK. In all honestly, I preferred the south coast of the UK to Sydney - even the weather (especially with the weather at the moment)! Here I feel like this is an island, and a very humid one at the moment. It just feels like there is nowhere to go. But I agree, the east side of Sydney is beautiful and we love it and will miss it dearly. But the east of Sydney is just too small a country for me to live.
The thing is, I find when I move from the sea to inland - wherever it is - I just miss the openness of the sea. Yes, I know what you mean. I live by a big-ish lake (Lake Simcoe - 20 miles across?) and it's close but no cigar. Too many properties on the waterfront, nowhere to roam or ramble. Pretty though, especially at sunrise. |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Thanks for your post. I suppose I should be thinking hard about the reality of my partner coping in the UK, knowing how he feels. Perhaps everything would be worse if he reluctantly changed his mind and we moved back only to find he is miserable then face moving away again - I'm not sure I could handle that. Perhaps if that seems a likely possibility I should get on with life here and make it work for me....I do also really need to think more about why the UK wasn't doing it for me in the first place and what may or may not have changed since then. Mmmmm, yet more thinking.....
Originally Posted by mumomonty
I was in Aus for about 4 years. I felt out of place, isolated, never felt as if i was really 'there' but I saw beauty, had a lovely lifestyle, good friends etc. I gave up a very specific lifestyle. I returned home, hubby followed reluctantly. We had a year in the UK adn he wouldn't stay there. He moved to NZ I felt I h ad to follow. Im in NZ now and feel as settled as anything but not like it's my home. It's been ages now but I've said to myself that you just have to get on with it. And I still hanker for Oz (it took us 13 yrs to get there in the first place). I can get on aplane and go there and I have an Aussie passport which I am strangely proud of. Kiwi land is okay but that's all it is, okay.
Think about why you left the UK because, finally, I don't want to go back and live there so I know that me being in the top 10 for homesickness and resistance to change, well if I can do it, so can you :-) |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
Good luck with the decision making. I tell you it is a bloody hard decision - much more than the decision to emigrate, It's hard because often there is no really clear winner when you comapre the countries in your head - though you have to do it. The two countries are so different that you're really saying "which is the best fruit - this apple or this orange". It just takes ages to decide. If you try to decide with your head, it may take forever to decide. The answer seems to come to you in the end, but in between you have a million answers flipping from apple to orange to kiwi fruit (other countries sometimes sneak in). Once you have the answer, it's like it was there all along hid beneath layers of justifications and fears.
For us in the end, our hearts told us which is home. And home is what matters - not sun, cheap restaurants, beaches and flat whites. We feel like we've been chasing rainbows to be honest. We fell for an illusion, and bought into a fantasy, that doing a geographical 12,000 miles could make us happier. We thought that 'quality of life' was somehow objectively quantifiable, and of course Australia has it in buckets, right? But quality of life isn't a latte by a Sydney beach in your suft shorts. Or sitting in your big air conditioned house in Perth, a squillian miles from civilisation. It's a feeling that you belong, that you are loved and valued, and that if the shit hits the fan, you can make 5 phone calls and have 5 friends/family who know you better than your anyone at your door in as long as it takes them to drive there. We don't have that here and we had it before. My wife was on the phone to a very good friend of ours the other day. Her friend said, "Oh by the way, we've gathered some stuff for you for when you get back - a fridge, a dining room table and chairs (etc etc). And you can stay at ours for as long as you want (etc)"! It damn near brought a tear to my eye - that they had foreseen that we were starting out again and were there to help us out. They want us back. Stuff webcams, we need people. Quality of life is also that your needs are met, and that you feel secure, and so on. If you move from east Sydney to a poor part of the UK, then disappointment looms - but that's probably unlikely unless that is home for you. Good areas of Sydney/Melbourne/Canberra and increasingly Brisbane are as expensive as good areas of the UK. Crime is a big issue because it has the potential to raise fear. A little research into the real levels of crime (per 1000 people) - rather than the perception given by media - is helpful in that respect (check police websites or www.nationmaster.com, I think). Check out the Australia board and you'll hear the horror stories of the UK, but not those of Australia - like the two 14 y/o girls who killed a taxi driver. The media is the same - playing up crime in the UK far more than here. Anyway, I digress. But we're glad we did it. It scratched an itch I had for 12 years or so. And it was interesting, and fun, and we got a gorgeous baby girl out of it (and some great flat whites), but in truth we were happier with our lives, notwithstanding bub, before. Because we were home, and for us this 'best country in the world' chorus (actually sung by every new world country) says nothing to me about my life. Thanks |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
And home is what matters - not sun, cheap restaurants, beaches and flat whites. We feel like we've been chasing rainbows to be honest. We fell for an illusion, and bought into a fantasy, that doing a geographical 12,000 miles could make us happier. We thought that 'quality of life' was somehow objectively quantifiable, and of course Australia has it in buckets, right? But quality of life isn't a latte by a Sydney beach in your suft shorts. Or sitting in your big air conditioned house in Perth, a squillian miles from civilisation. It's a feeling that you belong, that you are loved and valued, and that if the shit hits the fan, you can make 5 phone calls and have 5 friends/family who know you better than your anyone at your door in as long as it takes them to drive there.
We came here from Japan instead of going back to the UK, and while other factors affected our decision (work and time zone, etc), I admit to being seduced by "lifestyle" (as far as I can gather, it's real estate speak for the prospect of being able to laze around drinking cold beer by a swimming pool and with no gardening chores to get in the way). Now my major concern is that I may be falling for the illusion in reverse. What if we get back to the UK and realize that the day-to-day comfort of living in Australia has a more profound impact on our feeling of wellbeing and happiness than we realized? It seems shallow to list the weather as a major factor, but I think many people underestimate the impact it can have on your outlook on life. What if friends have moved on and family start to bicker? History and architecture are amazing, but in terms of daily life, how much difference do these things really make? Just thinking aloud. I guess there is only one way to find out. We're going to visit the UK in April, which will be the first time since 2002. We plan to make a final decision after coming back via Japan. We will make one more move if necessary, and then I am going to tear up my passport. Thanks much for all the interesting and helpful posts. |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
The thing is, I find when I move from the sea to inland - wherever it is - I just miss the openness of the sea.
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Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
And home is what matters - not sun, cheap restaurants, beaches and flat whites. We feel like we've been chasing rainbows to be honest. We fell for an illusion, and bought into a fantasy, that doing a geographical 12,000 miles could make us happier. We thought that 'quality of life' was somehow objectively quantifiable, and of course Australia has it in buckets, right? But quality of life isn't a latte by a Sydney beach in your suft shorts. Or sitting in your big air conditioned house in Perth, a squillian miles from civilisation. It's a feeling that you belong, that you are loved and valued, and that if the shit hits the fan, you can make 5 phone calls and have 5 friends/family who know you better than your anyone at your door in as long as it takes them to drive there. We don't have that here and we had it before. My wife was on the phone to a very good friend of ours the other day. Her friend said, "Oh by the way, we've gathered some stuff for you for when you get back - a fridge, a dining room table and chairs (etc etc). And you can stay at ours for as long as you want (etc)"! It damn near brought a tear to my eye - that they had foreseen that we were starting out again and were there to help us out. They want us back. Stuff webcams, we need people. It's easy on a cold blustery, grey, wet day in the UK to want for the beach and the sun but in reality when we had that it wasn't enough. We wanted family, friends. We wanted the familiarity that the UK/home gave us. :D |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by ShozInOz
If you wanted a more structured way of deciding, try this:
1. Brainstorm (whole family or self and partner) everything that is important to you in life, e.g.: career opportunities, pay, tax, family, old friends, basic cost of living (food, petrol, bills etc), cost of houses, weather/climate, access to other countries and cultures, places to visit within a x hours car drive, places to go on holiday within x hours flying, culture, arts, restaurants, cafes, heritage, sport, things to do for kids, education system, politics, television, music scene, pubs, landscape, annual leave entitlements, health system, etc. The rules for brainstorming are that no criticism or filtering is allowed during the actuall brainstorming. anything goes. 2. Once you have a pretty full list, go through and combine any things that should really be grouped as one (e.g. restaurants and cafes). 3. Give each a rating of 1 (Very poor), 2 (Poor), 3 (OK), 4 (Good), or 5 (Very good) for both where you live now or where you might possibly otherwise live in Australia ('here') (e.g. Sydney) and where you would perhaps live in the UK ('there') (e.g. Bournemouth). 4. Give each criteria a weighting to indicate how important it is, from 1 (fairly important), 2 (important), 3 (very important). 5. Multiply the ratings from step 3 with the weightings from step 4. 6. Add up the figures for here and there separately. 7. See what you find. guess what?!!! flights booked today for 12th April!!!! :) and :scared: whatever the decision, the indecision somehow seemed worse.... best wishes c x |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Originally Posted by chance to be
Well, we did it!
guess what?!!! flights booked today for 12th April!!!! :) and :scared: whatever the decision, the indecision somehow seemed worse.... best wishes c x |
Re: How do you reach a decision to return to the UK??
Ooooh cool!! Feeling better now you've taken plunge?
You've got a busy few weeks ahaead of you now. :D |
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