MadRad

Anyone else felt like this?

Moved to the US a couple of months ago, and currently living in rented accommodation (with rented accommodation furniture). Only stuff of our own is the contents of 4 suitcases. Came back to the UK for a visit, our house no longer feels like home. In the meantime, parents have also moved so that doesn't feel like home either!

How do you overcome this? Until we sell our house in the UK we're going to be stuck in rented, but I'm unsettled at feeling nowhere is home already!

dunroving

Simple answer is it takes time - a lot longer than a couple of months, especially as your circumstances are so temporary (rental, etc.). Most people go through this.

Try to think of it as a holiday/vacation (even if you are going to work every day!) rather than a permanent/long-term move. If you focus too much on it being a long-term move it exacerbates the feelings because you expect to feel at home way sooner than this is possible to happen.

Steerpike

I second that. I STILL feel like I'm on vacation sometimes.

Think of it as 'freedom' for now - the world is your oyster. Only when you cut the ties with the past can you truly move forward.

penguinsix

It's rough. I would say take solace in a few things that you consider "your own". Not possessions necessarily, but a routine or something you do that feels like 'home'. For example, I often remark one time after a few weeks in Hong Kong I was feeling a bit out of sorts and I went to the grocery. I bought some Diet Coke, some sandwich bread, some Oscar Meyer Ham, a head of lettuce (from California actually), some Hellmans mayo, some American apples, and a bag of Ruffles potato chips. I made myself an American ham sandwich with chips and a Coke and sat in my empty apartment with one chair eating a sandwich looking at the wall. I could have been in America at that very moment.

Another time I was in Moscow on an extended stay in a fricking hotel, watching poorly dubbed American movies at 4:00 am in the morning for weeks on end. I downloaded a copy of the NY Times crossword, filled a bit of the tub and soaked my feet doing the crossword, just as I had done many times before in college.

Try to do something that reminds you a bit of home and the things you like, even if you are far away from it all. If there is a special way you can cook something that tastes like it did back home (and I use the word 'cook' in the bachelor sense of the word, realizing that might not amount to a gourmet feast). Or maybe goto a pub, drink your favorite beer (if they have it) and watch some footie. Do not focus on anything except the TV and your beer, zoning out everything else. Can help take the edge off.

Good luck

dbj1000

We've been here just over 7 years now.

Just last week I commented for the very first time that I think this may be "home" now.

mayhemuk

Congrats dbj. Glad it's working.
We're now coming to the end of our stay here.
4 weeks ago we had house with pool, 2 cars etc.
Now it's all sold. Few items shipped.
Waiting for Hanna to finish work this week (Schools out on Thursday)
Then her and the boys paper to come through then we book a ticket!
Current camped at MILs condo. No real room. Sleeping on the floor driving a rental

So feeling a bit rootless though headed in the other direction.

Give it some time mate and wishing you all the best.

Sally Redux

Coming up to 5 years and feel rootless.

MadRad

Thanks all for the messages.

Back in the US now, and it is nice to be back (even though I had my first encounter with a truly horrible American person yesterday, which was unsettling). The next couple of weeks will be tough though as hubby has gone to Asia on business. I guess I'm just acutely aware that I don't know anyone (apart from a lovely expat lady), and don't have any sense of direction or purpose at the moment. Would love to make some more friends but don't really know where to start. I can't work just now and we don't have kids, and as those seem to be the two main ways people make friends as adults it's quite frustrating.

I'm not used to not working and feel the brain is going to mush. Hubby makes jokes about me being a homemaker but I am not at all domesticated and really get no pleasure out of it. I'm not stressed like I was in the UK but overall I find I have to find little things to fill my time and don't feel I'm achieving anything.

On the up side, we are planning to get a dog when we eventually buy a house, so hopefully that will be a good way to meet people. And the apartment is currently a bit of a tip, so I guess that feels like home!

limeynus

Have you tried meetup.com .. may be you can find other brits or people that have common interests as you in your area?

Leslie

Is this the Australian usage of "root" ?

cindyabs

check out and see if there's a welcome wagon type of organization. Check your local paper for any organizations you might be interested in-book clubs, folksinging, painting etc.

MadRad

Never heard of meetup before, will check it out. And I know there's a newbies association in town with a book club, will have a look to see what else they offer.

Thanks!