Tr1boy

Have to be quick as I'm running to work. I wrote this last year:

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=694860

Pretty much all of that still stands. Update though. Mrs TB (with some encouragement from me) left her job and is studyin full time. Her job was really rubbish and her Mgr was very demanding.Long hrs for relatively little pay. Mrs TB unfortunately got very sick around Easter time and had to have an operation so she's been recovering from that. We've had a nice holiday in the US and she is currently in Korea (due back on Sunday).

Korea is very humid and she said on the phone she's missing the English climate. I'm reaching out to a couple of companies in Oz and have had one other making noises about head hunting me. I'm pretty sure we'll return to Oz by Xmas, but who knows.

Individually I'm happy as a pig in muck here, but I think long term it will do some damage to our relationship. Mrs TB doesn't hate it here but she doesn't love it either and that's hard to live with. She's been extremely ill so I want the best for her, health wise.

The work situation is weird. People seem so uptight here at work and afraid to say anything to their managers ( I don't subscribe to that theory). Yet outside of the workplace everyone is so much friendlier than in Oz.

Long term outlook is still the same for the UK as I originally wrote, IMO of course. This Euro zone crash thin is scary tbh. Have to say that the treatment by the NHS for for my wife was light years ahead of anything we experienced in the private system in Oz, chapeau to the NHS

On the bright side. We'll be off to Italy and Croatia in Sept, can't wait. No Ironman triathlons for me this year But I've enetered one in Roth, Germany next year (not sure where we'll be departing from yet though).

Not sure I can add anything else, but to say that the thoughts I had in the previous post have not really changed.

Sorry, out of time, not spell checked.

Merseygirl

I'm sorry to hear that relationship problems may force you to rethink your future in the UK, I remember how happy you were to be leaving Oz and returning home. I would imagine that it would be harder for an Asian to settle in Britain after living in Australia which would be closer for home visits and has a bigger choice of Asian food.
It sounds like your wife feels the same way about Britain as I do about Australia - doesn't hate it, doesn't love it. Could you live that way again in Australia do you think? I think it is very good of you to consider returning to Australia, a lot of partners will not return to a country if they don't like it that much.
I was once in a similar situation with my ex husband - he loved Oz and I didn't. It's a tough call and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.
On a positive note, it's good to hear that the NHS is still doing a good job despite so many people running it down.

brits1

I agree with Merseygirl, hopefully you will (if you do return) really embrace the Australian way of life (to my way of thinking it's really the only way to settle and be happy, and to forget about being English etc and become a citizen of your new country, other wise whats the point of migrating) and I hope you will both be very happy. I have to say though about your work opinions that should be rephrased to "my workplace" etc because I do not know of any of my friends and family who feel like you do about the workplace, maybe it's your company or the line of work you are in. Good luck you deserve it, I am not so sure I could return to Aus if my partner wanted to. All the best and have a lovely time in Croatia, the coastline is supposed to be spectacular. Best wishes

sallysimmons

Be careful - I gave this same advice to someone and was told it was 'the most ridiculous advice ever given.'

Nevertheless, I continue to think it's actually pretty good advice. It's the only way to be happy in a new life.

brits1

I have usually just thought it to myself when I have listened to people "slagging" their "mother" countries off while living abroad....fair enough but then some of these people have been creating and living like a "Brit" or "S.A" "Italian" etc while living overseas....smacks a little bit of being a hypocrite. I remember once seeing for the first time a sticker in a car not long after we arrived in Aus and it said "If you don't like it F--k Off!! I was a bit offended at the time but I can see that point of view...although I'd say it somewhat nicer lol......another thing I use to hear a lot was "This place would be great if it were not for the Aussie's"....just down right rude really.....for us we could just not live that way, we missed home and that for us really was the answer to return "home"

Tr1boy

Thanks all for reading and the comments. I am an Oz citizen (we both are) so no problems there. Embracing the lifestyle? hmm, well maybe, but given that our free time is spent either with the Asian community or triathlon/cycling community, our version of lifestyle might be a tad different to most people's. But I'll roll with it as before.

On the job thing, you could well be right. I think we were both 'unlucky' with our first roles here. Mrs TB much more so than me.

It won't be hard to go back to Oz in a way, and will be very hard in another. But I'm not really phased by it when looking at the context of helping Mrs TB get better and our overal outlook on life. Sometimes the biggest things in life are the easiest to shrug off and say 'oh well'. The main thing is for me that she tried and who in their heart of hearts can ask more for that? Now, if she'd asked me to give up cycling or Ironman, well that could be a different story.

Mrs TB is due home tommorow after 4 wks away in Korea, so we'll see what transpires.

Stay tuned

quoll

Gosh TB - 18 months already? Sorry to hear that MrsTB isnt enamoured of the UK and that you may find yourself heading back here (poor fellow!). I wish my DH was as concerned about my health/mental health as you are for your wife!!! However, of course it is possible to live in a place you dont much want to be but it is so much better to live where you feel you belong. You never know, perhaps Mrs TB will arrive back to you, heave a hugh sigh of relief and tell you she wants to stay!

charleygirl

wow 18 months already.. I am sorry about Mrs TB, and I admire you for what you are doing, but i guess in the end if you love your wife then one of you has to make that huge sacrifice... best of luck TB!!!

DDL

You did not give that same advice, Sally. Your advice - to a Brit who returned to the UK after living in the States and who was missing some of the good things about the States and found himself comparing - was to totally forget about his former life in the US. Nothing to do with embracing another culture.

brits1

To my mind its all one and the same, you cannot quite embrace one culture fully unless you let go of your old culture.

brits1

I am so glad I am not in that position as I think it would always play on my mind that if I did have to move countries to please my OH would my OH then do the same for me? touch wood that will never happen!! TB best of luck and how come you were not in the Ironman contest in/near London...?or was you??????

Tr1boy

Ah it's not that big a deal to move now I know that we've tried here. She is my life and we've been through a lot together. Nothing is sure yet anyway.

That wasn't an Ironman in London, that was an ITU triathlon. It's a bit complicated to explain, but all Ironmans are triathlons (let's leave aside the SLSC comps in Oz as that's a different barrel of monkeys) but not all triathlons are ironmans. IM is a set distance, 3.8km swim, 180km bike, 42km run. It used to be the generic term for a race of that distance and still is, but it's also a registered trademark now.

ITU triathlon is also a set distance, generically known as Olympic or standard distance. It comprises 1.5km swim, 40km bike, 10km run and the difference is that on the bike you are allowed to draft (ride close to each other), in Ironman there is no drafting and the bike leg is treated like a time trial. If you want to pass someone you have 15 seconds to do it otherwise you have to drop back or risk a penalty.

The reason why ITU is called 'Olympic' is that is the distance and format used in the Olympics. There can be a bit of a rift between the Ironman types and the ITU types. Ironman sounds impressive because of the distance, but make no mistake, racing an Oly distance tri fast is bloody hard (fast is anything under 2hrs20. It's a bit like saying 'wow' when someone tells you they ran a marathon in 4hrs (not fast at all), but then not being impressed at all when someone tells you they ran 5km in under 16mins (very fast). Pain is pain and it's all relative.

Have said that, we don't talk much to those ITU pansies

sallysimmons

Thanks

DDL, I did actually give exactly the same advice - and it's advice I have given before on this site to people from a variety of countries. You just understood it differently for whatever reason on that occasion - perhaps because the poster was specifically missing the US or perhaps because the advice came from me.

I firmly believe that when you make a move, you must close the door on your old life and not allow yourself to start comparing this or that. Because invariably distance makes the heart grow fonder and when we compare our old country with our new, we never remember the bad about that old life.

So when I came here, if I had let myself think about the lack of history, or the gun culture, or the overt religiosity or the lack of basic medical care for everyone, I would have been unable to settle. Instead, I tried to forget about my life in England and focus on discovering the good in America. It worked for almost 15 years before homesickness caught up with me - and for some people it works forever.

When I go home, I plan to close the door on this part of my life and not allow myself to compare England's cloudy days with New York's sunny ones, or England's small houses with my bigger home here. I do not, however, plan to erase all memories from my brain in some kind of scientific experiment - which seems to be what you took from my other post.

brits1

HI SS, thats what we tried to do in Aus for the first 7 years we did not live the expat lifestyle as most do in Perth, it use to drive us barmy when you would see loads knocking the UK then supporting their home countries etc in any event even when against Aus I think its all down to your "makeup" for us we could not live like that and be truly happy, I also have certain memories that I remember with fondness, another life experience we are glad to have experienced and to tell the "grandchildren" that's whats life is all about taking experiences and learning from them and hopefully enjoying them on a "rainy" day.

brits1

Wow, Always wondered the difference, I use to do Tri for our High School as I was a swimmer first then found out by accident I was very good at running (which I actually hated lol) you see a lot practicing their (British bike squad trains nearby in the hills) Tri skills around this area...in all weathers...now to me thats the hard bit....lol....thats truly Ironman.....