babsi

nohinsara, he is originally from Argentina and went there in 98, I joined him in 2001. It really is driving me mad, he just won't listen to reason. I just want to get on with my life. Last year I got a job working at home on a website and imo it was enough to live on but of course someone didn't think the same and still stuck there. He just keeps coming up with excuses and won't compromise. Like I said we have a good chance to come back this year and if it all works out and he doesn't agree, I really don't know what I will do....

Does anyone finding having a baby makes you feel more lonely?

nohinsara

It sounds like our husbands could be related. I wrote a vent thread on this theme too. ( http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=432245 ) I really feel for you. It's so hard when one wants to live one place and the other somewhere else, and I know exactly what you're going through.
I have a baby too, and yes, it does make me feel even more lonely at times because it isolates you quite a bit. Doesn't help for the home sickness, does it?

What's even more frustrating is that there aren't many options for us now that we've had our babies, are there? We simply cannot divorce our spouses and run back home to the UK. It's enough to make a person go mad.
I share your grief. I wish I had some positive things to say to you to make you feel better! I hope things work out for you some how, some way, and that your husband will see the light. The only thing that's been working for us is going to a counselor, and the counselor telling him that marriage is about compromise - I've spent 4 years here, so it's his turn over there. I don't know if your husband is up for that, but might be worth a try?
((HUGS)) to you.

Gezza

I fully agree with your earlier statement: that living in Vancouver for a while
makes you appreciate London more. I am one of those who went for 3 years to live in Van from Epsom in England where I had lived for 10 years previous! And...yes and now, I have now been back in Epsom 3 years. Well, Im thinking I should have stayed in Vancouver. Why? I had more money left after paying all bills,better house,I was in a better shape healthwise,spent a lot less time commuting. people in Vancouver did not get up my nose that much but I did notice that people from Van do not have enough sense of humour to take on any criticizm of their city.This is not untypical of any 3rd world country. In eastern europe you could get a black eye for that. Everything man made there (in Vancouver) is basically c***! I restricted my clothes shopping to Marx work warehouse due to good quality.But then I am a man.
But access to nature is just great!! The tap water in Maple Ridge where I lived tasted so much better than any bottled water you get in England,not to mention recycled water on tap here.. I loved taking the kids to the Pit Meadows fruit farms in summer.English equivalents have fruit that have no taste! The only hosptital I visited was Maple Ridge for a day visit and it seemed o.k. In Calgary the Children Hospital my daughter went to was just excellent for everything! I hope they have kept it that way.Better than some private hospitals I have visit in South East in U.K.! But that is Calgary.

Canada from Vancouver angle (not so much Calgary)really seemed edging towards 3rd world to me: i.e. to get anything done you had to show utmost respect and genuine affection to incompetent twats or else you had to do it all yourslef! Everywhere especially in banks and governemnt offices



One thing I would advise you is to make sure you leave all those people that annoyed you so much very, very....very happy and thinking that you love them to bits. Because once in London England for around 2 years you will be planning to go back to vancouver. Trust me. And you may just need a job from them! You can bank on it! First thing you will notice is just how stiff and artificial the English people here are all the time,compared to Canadians.How extremely exhausting life is here.Working or not.You are now officially a TCK a Third Culture Kid and England will never be the same place to you. Sorry mate, it could happen to anyone. Good luck anyway!

iaink

You certainly are not the first to think that! Hard to go anywhere and do anything "normal" when the baby is so reliant on you in the early stages.

The good news is that once they are a bit bigger there are ample oportunities to meet people as a result. You just have to force yourself to get out there, despite the hassles I think.

Gezza

A good relationship with God may help.

iaink

What does Robbie Fowler have to do with it?

He lives just up the road from where I grew up by the way

pat12

Hi there and thanks...

My situation is a little different to many of the others as I came here on a work permit without an intention of being an immigrant. I wanted to experience work in a foreign country, was a toss up between Canada and NZ. I am young and single and whole-heartedly a Londoner (grew up in London). I've been here for 18 months and have also been back in London for a visit since arriving here. So, I disagree that I'm going to find things vastly different since I left. I have grown to despise Vancouver more and more despite the low incidence of crime etc. Although Londoners are known for being unfriendly, my experience of Vancouverites is no better. I am 100% urbanite so feel no need to be spending time in the countryside, which I can just as well do in the Cotswolds etc. The English countryside is very beautiful and where my house is I'm fortunate enough to be not too far away from the M4/M25. As a child of immigrants to the UK I am not indigenous English anyway but feel very much at home in London which has to be one of the most cosmopolitan cities on earth, growing up amongst people of all cultures and faiths really enriched my life and I would say that I am quite enlightened about the religions and cultural practices of others. Living in that sort of environment to me is very important, although I do not yet have a family, if/when I do, that will be a very important consideration.

I'm not saying that I feel the need to live in central London, the suburbs are just fine, however, knowing that the theatres/museums/shops etc. are accessible is important. Maybe I am superficial, but yes, I do like shopping, following fashion, looking nice etc, but so do all of my friends in London, not everyone is content to slop around in tracksuits, fleece etc.

I spend about 2 hours a day commuting as I work in Abbotsford , that isn't an issue for me. Believe it or not I like the rushing around/hustle and bustle of a big city, maybe that'll change in 10 years. Yes, I do have more money left over at the end of the day, but then my profession earns pretty well in the UK too and I had a good standard of living there in the 1st place.

So, it's still a case of different strokes...It may have something to do with my age, interests and stage of my life. All my friends are there too, it has not been easy making friends here. London is not at all perfect and yes, there is the threat of terrorism, but I would rather take my chances and live and die in a place I love, with people I love than rot to death in this hole! Coming back here once I leave is just not an option, I would rather go to the USA if I had to...

Just my 2 pennies

jempee

which makes my work day totally interesting. Work colleagues are always amused and ask me loads of questions. Often have to explain myself, which makes it even funnier for me.

rlogan

Its interesting how peoples experiences and perceptions differ. The way we experience life has so much to do with our state of mind. Most people that leave the UK are trying escape from something that they will take with them wherever they go.

The 'Britain is going to the dogs' thing is so strong now. You can go on any internet forum on any subject these days and you will read people venting their frustrations. I was reading a long one on a horse racing forum of all places yesterday. I go back every 6 months for a week and I could write an essay about the contrasts that are so stark each time.

My view is that if you have a lot of money you can have a nice life in the UK but for most it is grim survival in a not very nice environment. I love the English countryside but could never afford to moce out of a flat in the city. Here in BC we live on a mountainside with the most spectacular views you could find anywhere in the world - many well travelled visitors have told us they have never seen the likes of it. For the cost of a flat in Brighton we bought 6 acres and built a lovely cedar house. We have out own pure well water and a stream running through the lot.

I am puzzled by the 'lack of choice' problem some people have expressed. I havent experienced that at all.

I came here for a laid back lifestyle and got it. Other are looking for something quite different and I can understand some getting bored.

if you can find my photo gallery there are a couple of photos of our view.

rlogan

We have unfortunately had a lot of experience of the health service here in the last year. It has been incredible. If there has been one thing that made me grateful for being in BC it was the amazing services and people we have encountered as a result of many visits to hospitals (4), doctors (3) and specialists (5). I cant praise them highly enough. Very different to Manesh's experience - I guess its a locality thing. Im talking about Vancouver Island.

Howard1944

London, England is a great city, if you can afford to live and can get a high paying job there, on that subject i don't think there is much argument.

Canada, year after year wins accolades for its' quality of life and for its' cities and for the person with a family, looking to buy a home, looking for easy access to recreation, Manesh is so far out in left field to call Vancouver a hole, i suspect he is smoking something.

A Country of Immigrants, you can either wall yourself up in your own cultural enclave or you can embrace what Canada has to offer and make the best of it.

Manesh is seeing nothing but Obstacles because he has taken his eyes off of the opportunities, and for him the UK is where he should reside.

I would not, however, be surprised if within 2 years he returns?

I LOVE visiting England, i know the history, the culture, i trace my roots back to Normandy, but it is a nice place to visit because I make enough money to enjoy it.

One of our visits, I asked My UK Manager where he would stay in Torquay, his answer was that people of our class don't stay in Torquay.

Went anyway, had a bloody marvellous time.

rlogan

click on my photo gallery link and you will see one reason why I like living here. This is what I look out on every day. A bit different to the dreary chewing gum and saliva spotted pavements of Brighton!

Jibba

My husband and I returned to London from Vancouver a short while ago. We didn't return because we didn't like the lifestyle or miss friends and family as Skype kept us in touch. However, the quality & quantity of jobs was dreadful. As we both held senior position in London it was never our intention to go backwards in our careers and even if we wanted to we wouldn't have got a position as we would be over qualified.

I don't regret a minute of our time in Vancouver it was a massive learning curve. Even if we had been accepted for lower level positions, with the cost of housing in Vancouver we wouldn’t have been able to buy where we wanted to live. We both realised how important our careers are to us and with Europe on our door step and Vancouver’s not going anywhere, I think we will be okay.

I do believe everyone should follow their dream and if it doesn’t work out you will learn something very valuable.

dingbat

Interesting - Vancouver is a hard nut to crack to be honest and I could never see why Vancouverites were so up themselves, as another poster so eloquently put it. Vancouver is great for a quick visit but it does not have enough of a pull for me. What was your field? Have you settled back in at home again?

jonfrank123

I think Manesh does have some good points about Canada. I don't really mind living here, because my wife wants to be close to her parents but if she told me "lets go back to England" tomorrow I wouldn't argue.

It's definitely tougher economically than the UK, thats unless you come here stacked with money from a house sale in England. It's difficult to afford a house and I believe in Vancouver particularly the house price to salary ratio is higher than London's.

My experience in London has been to leave a job on a Friday and start a new one the following Monday, sadly in Canada that does not appear to be the norm. I think economically they are a little bit in the shadow of Uncle Sam.

Again on the quality of life issues, on the surface Canada seems clean and shiny, but there is a dark underbelly to Canadian society, just like in the UK. It also depends on what defines your quality of life, if you like skiing, snowboarding, hockey etc then Canada is definitely for you otherwise maybe not.

Jonathan