British Expats - 40 days and we're going back, help required!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BigDavyG (Post 7184527)

It has nothing to do with "every one being different". There is no way 40 days is enough time to get a feel for a place and to start living what may end up being "normal, everyday life".
End of story.

Pragmatically I can see the logic in that but I dont think it is really true. I am a believer in love at first (and I mean FIRST) sight - been married to him for 35 years now. Similarly I am a believer in other first impressions (and find I am rarely wrong about them) - if you know in your gut that it isnt for you then, sure, you can live here, get into the rut, have a normal every day life but it is still quite probable that your gut will still be telling you 40 days, 40 weeks or 40 years down the track that this isnt where you want to spend the rest of your days.

Normally I would suggest that people should give it a bit longer because there are loads of guilt feelings that make resettling harder - you spend so much to get here and then when you get back you realized that maybe you havent seen enough, done enough etc and then the guilt impedes you getting back into your regular lifestyle. However, there are circumstances where a quick return is probably not a bad idea - kids education being one of them. With teens, you do not want to muck about with their education and if you can get them back where they were you have a better chance of minimizing the damage there. Similarly if you can walk back into a job in this economic climate then it makes more sense than burning any possible bridges by hanging on for a couple of years.

Unfortunately it is so easy to "give it time" for so long that even when the realization dawns on you 10, 20 years down the track that you dont want to be here, that you are past the point of no return. Financially and emotionally you will have such strong ties here that it may become impossible to go back. Even if my DH would agree to go back, we would not be as comfortable financially now - being retired and living on super as we are, and also the recently arrived granddaughter living 4 hours away. Could I do it? sure I could but it wouldnt be as easy as it would have been even 10 years ago when we were still in the job market even though our house equity wouldnt have bought much in UK.

Anyway, Mary has gone and good luck to her. I am sure that for her she made the best decision she could and for any of us to cast judgement with our "sensible" heads on is not really appropriate. None of us walked in her shoes and felt the way she did. I think she was incredibly strong and brave and is to be commended rather than pilloried.