3 yrs back still not settled

Old Oct 12th 2020, 8:15 am
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Default 3 yrs back still not settled

Hi there,
I am struggling with life back in the UK, 3 years on. We lived in Aus for 9 yrs when parents got ill (they are fine now) and we decided it would be a good idea to move back.
kids then aged 10 & 13 so it was a good time before starting exams etc.
kids have settled no problem but we constantly Pine for our life back in Aus.
we have a good life here we are healthy, nice house, jobs, kids are happy. It’s just not the same, our life in Aus was laid back, enjoyable, great friends, the only thing we missed was extended family.
when we lived there our family came out most years called most weeks, we loved coming back on holidays. People made an effort.
now we are back we rarely see some of them & there is not as much contact. We live v close to my parents but the relationship with my mother is difficult and she makes no effort.
we have tried To make an effort and now question why we are Here, but feel stuck as the kids are at the wrong age to move back.
its really hard to make good friends here. Our old friends we never hear from & I have tried joining clubs to make new ones but this is really hard, I am a friendly person! I really miss my friends in Aus. I prob speak more to them than the ones here.
I know the situation here is not helping as it’s hard to make connections at the moment.
i just question everyday what I am doing here.
i don’t want to regret the decisions we have made but am finding it hard to feel positive.
Thanks for reading my rambling, I just thought people here might understand
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Old Oct 15th 2020, 5:37 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

Sorry you are having a tough time of it!
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Old Oct 18th 2020, 12:47 am
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

Hi lainandsam,

Sounds very difficult times, so sorry.

Are you in a city, village, north, south, east or west? How are your neighbors?
Any parents of your children's schoolmates you could strike up some conversation?
Maybe there are some x ausies around who will comiserate with you aboutthe good old days down under.

I asked about your area because that can make a difference. if you moved back to where you originally were from it may be somewhat depressing to find how some things have changed. Your fave shops are now closed, trees gone, an ugly housing developement in your favorite green space. Many things are still the same too which should bring some comfort.

Tell me what the unfriendly clubs you've joined were so when we move back I won't bother to join those ones.☺️

My experiences moving to new countries is that most people have very busy lives with families, jobs and home diy, gardening. Most couples both work and travel times are long as a lot of people have moved out of the cities for more fresh air. Of course Cov19 takes a lot of opportunities away. Have you a favorite pub or anything, is it still open?

Too many questions from me! Take the ones you want and leave the rest.

Oh, and as for moving back after years to family. For us that was a grim failure. I still do not know why. We never fit back in and we just made a life on our own after the fall out. Stayed 10 years, most of them died and we then moved on. Everything turned out for the best after all for us and for them.

True friends are not easily met with, its really early days, I know it sounds a bit glib my saying that. You never know what is around the corner though and another BE member on this thread was near despair around her third year back from the U. States, I think it was, and shortly after that she found herself better off than ever before in her life for having moved back to Scotland.

Really wishing you the best.
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Old Oct 23rd 2020, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

As tumbleweedely was saying,you do never know what is around the corner.I was happily settled in my adopted country for many years.Then my daughter died suddenly in the UK.I have been unsettled since & now intend to move back especially as we are in this dreadful pandemic.My brother-in-law is An Aussie & moved to England.He must often have the same feelings as you are.The lady from the States who was in despair & later moved to Scotland maybe solved her problem by her relocation.I am English but that country is "foreign" now to me so I prefer to choose Scotland myself where I lived happily for a long time previously.
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Old Oct 23rd 2020, 3:59 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

I retired to a part of Scotland that I had not visited previously. It is in the West and I grew up in the East. When I open my mouth,people know that I am not local ! I have a good circle of friends that I have made since retiring in 2011. Maybe easier in a small island community.
When I came here I knew no one and I have no relatives or family nearby.

Last edited by scot47; Oct 23rd 2020 at 4:09 pm.
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Old Oct 23rd 2020, 4:39 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

Originally Posted by tumbleweedly View Post


Oh, and as for moving back after years to family. For us that was a grim failure.

Really wishing you the best.
I have found that when moving back to the UK, family and friends are really not interested in your life abroad. I can remember on one hand the number of times anyone asked about my life in South Africa or the US; it's aways been about catching up on what they have been doing.....
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Old Oct 24th 2020, 12:13 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

SanDiegogirl, I found this myself with family members in England even when I was just on holiday.Perhaps that is why the English voted for Brexit.So many seem to live in their own small world.It amazes me when I watch quiz games on British TV how so few have much idea about even where other countries are apart from maybe America.I can´t understand why the UK has invested so much into space exploration.If we ever encounter an alien on this earth ,will it be asked if it has a new blue passport??
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Old Oct 24th 2020, 2:22 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

People are not interested in "Traveller's Tales" or accounts like "When I was in Utter Slobodistan......" UK has become a country full of insular bigots who have no interest in the wider world. Rather like Trumpistan.
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Old Oct 25th 2020, 3:36 pm
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Very true,Scot47,It,s good to know there are still a few of us left who have experienced life in other cultures & see a bigger picture,even though we sound like miserable old gits!
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Old Oct 25th 2020, 3:55 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

I was back in Scotland from 1979 to 1989 and could not settle. In the end I went back to doing what I was good at - Teaching English in The Middle East. I stuck with that, included a few years in The Balkans, and then finally retired to Scotland in 2011.

We all have to find our own path. That can be difficult.
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Old Oct 27th 2020, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

Originally Posted by iainandsam View Post
Hi there,
I am struggling with life back in the UK, 3 years on. We lived in Aus for 9 yrs when parents got ill (they are fine now) and we decided it would be a good idea to move back.
kids then aged 10 & 13 so it was a good time before starting exams etc.
kids have settled no problem but we constantly Pine for our life back in Aus.
we have a good life here we are healthy, nice house, jobs, kids are happy. It’s just not the same, our life in Aus was laid back, enjoyable, great friends, the only thing we missed was extended family.
when we lived there our family came out most years called most weeks, we loved coming back on holidays. People made an effort.
now we are back we rarely see some of them & there is not as much contact. We live v close to my parents but the relationship with my mother is difficult and she makes no effort.
we have tried To make an effort and now question why we are Here, but feel stuck as the kids are at the wrong age to move back.
its really hard to make good friends here. Our old friends we never hear from & I have tried joining clubs to make new ones but this is really hard, I am a friendly person! I really miss my friends in Aus. I prob speak more to them than the ones here.
I know the situation here is not helping as it’s hard to make connections at the moment.
i just question everyday what I am doing here.
i don’t want to regret the decisions we have made but am finding it hard to feel positive.
Thanks for reading my rambling, I just thought people here might understand
Sorry to hear you're pining to go back, I know the feeling myself. To me it felt like being a fish out of water.

Something that stood out with what you said is your kids who were 10 and 13 three years ago, making them 13 and 16 now - the wrong age to move back. Looking back on my experience with my family we moved from the UK when my sons were 13 and 16 and it worked out really well for them. The younger one just slotted in with the equivalent year group and my elder went straight into year 11 - which is a good time to do it given years 11 and 12 are lumped together.

God luck with whatever you do.
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Old Nov 6th 2020, 12:00 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

I don't know if OP found our comments of much help?
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Old Nov 14th 2020, 9:19 pm
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Default Re: 3 yrs back still not settled

Hi Ianandsam
I, too am in the same position. I moved back mid 2019 after 32yrs in Australia selling a beautiful home with a pool in a lovely part of Sydney. Leaving behind a great job with good pay and all my friends. I came back to look after my Dad after my Mum passed. He has never got over her passing and I am glad I am here during Covid for him. I brought my two boys and two dogs with me. I am a single parent. I am committed here until my boys finish yr 13 in 2023, I’m not prepared to upset their schooling but after that we are going to sit down and make some decisions. The inheritance tax and better healthcare are two factors for me along with my wonderful friends. I am an older mum and will be 59 when they finish so getting a job in Sydney is going to be difficult. I am not happy and been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I have Skype calls with many friends each weekend, all wanting us to come back.

I honestly thought I would settle better after yearning to come back after all that time overseas but I feel a bit hypercritical now. You think the grass maybe greener but it’s not. I do love England and the English, but I think I’m more Aussie than I thought! My cousins have not bothered to call and say ‘Hi, welcome back’ nor did my brother or sister in law bother to even call and say ‘Hi, do you want some help unpacking?’. Instead they wanted a week away and dropped my nephew on me to look after! I have learned the hard way. Your friends become your family.

Remember you are not alone in this. All the very best to you all and I hope you have a good Christmas. Hang in there.
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