Struggling in Ireland
May 21st 2014, 11:36 am
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 37
Re: Struggling in Ireland
Hi all, I have recently moved to Ireland and I am really struggling. Apologies if this is a long post but I feel it might be. I also don't wish to offend any Irish people on here, this is just my situation. I met my boyfriend in Australia 5 years ago, he is Irish and after a while together, we decided that we would settle together in Ireland. At the time, I loved Ireland and felt this was definitely the right thing to do. I have now found that visiting this country and actually living in it are 2 very different things. We built a house over here and I moved over in December. Since then, I have found so many things over here bother me and I don't know how to get over them. Firstly, having to pay extortionate amounts of money for doctors/dentists/hospitals. After being used to the NHS all my life, it sickens me how much they pay for healthcare over here and it scares me because I know I wont go if I needed to, due to the price. Secondly, the bank charges. I NEVER got charged anything for my bank in England, apart from if I went over my overdraft. Here, you get charged every time you use your bank account, whether it is using your visa card, getting money out, writing a cheque, every month an amount of money gets taken out of my account and it makes me want to scream. And then there is how much the people are all so involved in each others lives. I don't know if it is like that all over Ireland but certainly here, I cant even blink without his whole family talking about it. I regularly get interrupted with his family coming round, they don't text or ring first, they just show up. And even worse is the fact that his dad seems to think our house and garden is his to do what he likes with, and I keep coming downstairs to find him mowing the lawn or looking at the hedge, which we have just planted. I am finding all of this so difficult, its making me so homesick, I miss the privacy and normalness of England. Does anyone else feel like this? Sorry again for the long post.
Hi there, I suspect I will also be in the same position as you are now very shortly! We have purchased a dream home in Ireland and intend to semi-retire there. I am English, partner English with Irish parents but he spent a lot of his younger years in Ireland. I also find the Irish a bit 'over familiar' sometimes! Though better that than being stand-offish and aloof like us Brits can be. Our Irish friends, when staying here in England with us would go through my make-up, my wardrobe, my cupboards and drawers and walk in on me when I was getting changed! I would never dream of doing any of those things! The other real bug-bear for me is everyone comes to the back door, they don't knock at the front door and wait for it to be answered, they just come in the back! During the winter it is locked and closed so they can't but other times they just come through and I hate it!
Banks...a rip off I agree, charging you for using your own money is a liberty. As for healthcare, yes it is taken for granted in the U.K and abused by some because of it. Us tax-payers are footing the bill for the rest of them. Better pay for your own when and if you need it. Dentists are extortionate wherever you go. Though in Ireland is health care not free after a certain age? Maybe an incentive to keep healthy?!
I love the country and the people, I say act like them if you can, be friendly back and make friends you can rely on, it won't take too long, Irish people are very amicable. Be patient. Good luck, with all the replies to your post you must be feeling the love
You wouldn't get that over here in the U.K!
May 24th 2014, 5:40 pm
#17
Just Joined
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 8
Re: Struggling in Ireland
Thank you for your replies. Yes, Jenny-Laurel, I agree, I also hate it when they come to the back door instead of knocking at the front. I have to keep all my doors locked for that reason. I have lots of friends here now and get on very well with his family but it doesn't change how I feel, I still hate the fact that his dad treats our house and garden like his own. I think that is the main problem, the banks and the healthcare I can moan about but it wouldn't make me want to leave but this thing with his family is really getting me down. I know everyone says embrace it and it should make me feel loved but if u really hate something, theres not much anyone can do or say, and I really really hate the lack of privacy here, it makes me want to lock myself away so I can have some space.
Jun 9th 2014, 11:53 am
#18
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1
Re: Struggling in Ireland
I can tell you that even as an Irish person, sometime the dominant Irish family can be a bit hard to handle: there is always the dilemma of telling them you need space and offending or just keeping quiet and trying to keep everyone happy. It is hard but perhaps if you are finding your FIL overstays his welcome even though you do get on, arrange specific tasks where he feels he has a role. Eg, wait then ask him to do something around the house/garden, even if you could do it yourself. He'll be so delighted to be useful and to have a task! Then you can fill him with tea afterwards!
Jun 12th 2014, 4:41 am
#19
Éireann go Brách
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: White Man in Hammersmith Palais
Posts: 2,932
Re: Struggling in Ireland
Some years' ago, my lovely sister died and I had to travel from the UK to Ireland to attend her funeral. As can be expected, all the family,both from our side and from her poor husbands', gathered and we saw her off in good style. Later that day,I met up with a mate who I hadn't seen for decades and we decided on a get-together before I went back. Just the two of us. Somehow the news got out, and the "two of us" snowballed into about 90 of us(all from the funeral). It was one of the greatest nights I have ever had,no grieving, only laughter and remembering our departed sister and friend. The bar stayed open until the last one left(early in the morning) and the 90 odd traipsed back to my younger sisters' house to continue. The memory from that night is going to stay with us all.
I know to some people the idea of perhaps distant family dropping in unannounced could be seen as an imposition, but family is still important in Ireland and personally I wouldn't have it any other way. But again, it is not everyone's cup of tea. But I do know that when I eventually return to Ireland to live(hopefully soon), I will have an open door and know my brothers and sisters(and friends) will turn up unannounced and know they will get a welcome.
I know to some people the idea of perhaps distant family dropping in unannounced could be seen as an imposition, but family is still important in Ireland and personally I wouldn't have it any other way. But again, it is not everyone's cup of tea. But I do know that when I eventually return to Ireland to live(hopefully soon), I will have an open door and know my brothers and sisters(and friends) will turn up unannounced and know they will get a welcome.
Jun 12th 2014, 10:19 am
#20
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2009
Location: up the mountains,with the goats.,los filabres,almeria,spain.
Posts: 368
Aug 7th 2014, 4:53 pm
#21
Just Joined
Joined: Jun 2014
Location: Liverpool Uk
Posts: 8
Re: Struggling in Ireland
The thing with healthcare seems to be an ongoing discussion, but you aren't taxed on your salary for this. Of course you have to pay for the doctor, but how many times do you go? I think people get confused and forget that we're not in the UK and every country is different. Some things are more expensive here, but for that we get a larger house and don't pay council tax. In certain jobs the pay is also higher and for €150 you can get really good cover, so again hard to compare. Irish people love their family and I'm sure there are families like this in the UK too. Only solution, talk to your partner, or sell and move to a different area where they can't just pop in. If you don't like Ireland for these reasons, nobody can stop you returning back to the UK.
