Chancellor Of The Duchy Of Besses O' Th' Barn And

Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
ago...

<ducks>

--
David Horne- www.davidhorne.net
usenet (at) davidhorne (dot) co (dot) uk

Chancellor Of The Duchy Of Besses O' Th' Barn And

Jan <[email protected]> wrote:

    > chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
    > > Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > > ago...
    > >
    > > <ducks>
    >
    >
    > Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
    > from 5 miles away!!!
    > Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

The weather's better now? Also, I suspect it's a year long
celebration...

--
David Horne- www.davidhorne.net
usenet (at) davidhorne (dot) co (dot) uk

Jan

chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
    > Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > ago...
    > <ducks>


Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
from 5 miles away!!!
Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

Jan

Nightjar

"Jan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
    >> Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    >> ago...
    >> <ducks>
    > Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
    > from 5 miles away!!!
    > Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

We are, apparently, celebrating co-operation at sea and the Nelson spirit,
not beating the c**p out of the French and Spanish fleet. We can do that in
October.

Colin Bignell

Go Fig

In article <[email protected]>, nightjar
<nightjar@<insert> wrote:

    > "Jan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]...
    > > chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
    > >> Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > >> ago...
    > >>
    > >> <ducks>
    > >
    > >
    > > Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
    > > from 5 miles away!!!
    > > Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???
    >
    > We are, apparently, celebrating co-operation at sea and the Nelson spirit,
    > not beating the c**p out of the French and Spanish fleet. We can do that in
    > October.

What were the officers saying to the crew on the French ships today:
"Ahead full slow so the limeys can cross the 'T' on us and give us a
full broadsides... oh, and the Spaniards are still drunks"

Looked like a very nice day at sea... calm seas and clear skies.

jay
Tue Jun 28, 2005
mailto:[email protected]

    >
    > Colin Bignell
    >

Keith Anderson

On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
(chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
wrote:

    >
    >Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    >ago...
    ><ducks>

This one did the rounds on the Internet a while back...............

Imagine that the Battle of Trafalgar had taken place 200 years
later.......

"Order the signal, Hardy."

"Aye, aye sir."

"Hold on, that's not what I dictated to the signal officer. What's the
meaning of all this?"

"Sorry sir?"

"England expects every person to do his duty, regardless of race,
gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability. What
gobbledygook is this?"

"Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities
employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' in, as our
equal opportunities lieutenant considered it racist."

"Good grief, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."

"Sorry sir. All naval vessels have been designated smoke-free working
environments. Smoking isn't allowed on board."

"In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace
to steel the men before battle."

"The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the
Government's policy on binge drinking."

"Heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it. Full speed
ahead."

"I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch
of water according to local bye-laws."

"Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history.
We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest,
please."

"That won't be possible, sir. The Health and Safety Inspectors have
closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness and they said that rope ladder
doesn't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a
proper scaffolding can be erected."

"Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."

He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle as required
by the Disability Act, Admiral."

"Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."

"Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free
environment for the differently abled."

"Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to
hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by
playing the disability card."

"Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under-represented in the
areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency and your appointment
filled this year's quota."

Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."

"A couple of problems there too, sir. The crew aren't allowed up the
rigging without flourescent jackets and safety helmets. And they don't
want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts
with that slug on?"

" I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men
to stand by to engage the enemy."

"The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

"This is mutiny."

"It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged
with murder if they actually kill anyone. Apart from that there's a
couple of legal aid lawyers on board and they threaten to sue for
compensation if anyone is injured."

"Then how are we to sink the Frogs and the Spanish?"

"Actually, sir, we're not."

"We're not?"

"No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now.
According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this
stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

"But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."

"I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-coordinator hear you saying
that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary."

"You must consider every man an enemy who speaks ill of your King."

"Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age.
Now put on your anti-stab vest; it's the rules. It's also time for our
Muslim crewmen to pray to Mecca in the on-board mosque"

"Don't tell me - health and safety, anti-racism. Whatever happened to
rum, sodomy and the lash?"

As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu. And there's a ban on
corporal punishment."

"What about sodomy?"

"I believe it's to be encouraged, sir"

"In that case, kiss me, Hardy and will you marry me?"




Keith, Bristol, UK

DE-MUNG for email replies

Martin

On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
(chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
wrote:

    >Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    >ago...
    ><ducks>

The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
biggest RN ship. As the Queen passed the French played the Marseilles
at full volume. :-)
--
Martin

Magda

On Wed, 29 Jun 2005 10:22:34 +0200, in rec.travel.europe, Martin <[email protected]> arranged
some electrons, so they looked like this :

... On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
... (chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
... wrote:
...
... >Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
... >ago...
... >
... ><ducks>
...
... The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
... biggest RN ship. As the Queen passed the French played the Marseilles
... at full volume. :-)

Marseillaise.

Go Fig

In article <[email protected]>, Martin
<[email protected]> wrote:

    > On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
    > (chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
    > wrote:
    >
    > >Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > >ago...
    > >
    > ><ducks>
    >
    > The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
    > biggest RN ship.

So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?

jay
Wed Jun 29, 2005
mailto:[email protected]


    > As the Queen passed the French played the Marseilles
    > at full volume. :-)

Jordi

Go Fig ha escrito:
    > In article <[email protected]>, Martin
    > >
    > > The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
    > > biggest RN ship.
    > So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?

She was launching planes over Afghanistan until not that long ago, and
I don't think she was towed all the way :)


J.

Martin

On Wed, 29 Jun 2005 09:00:08 +0100, Keith Anderson
<[email protected]> wrote:

    >On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
    >(chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
    >wrote:
    >>
    >>Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    >>ago...
    >><ducks>
    >This one did the rounds on the Internet a while back...............

<snipped>

    > "In that case, kiss me, Hardy and will you marry me?"
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...673176,00.html
French put on their best dress, despite mutterings below deck
By Alan Hamilton
Our correspondent on the Charles de Gaulle tests knowledge of French
naval victories

IT WAS good of the losers to turn up; you’d think they’d prefer to
forget defeat. But if they were going to come at all, they were going
to make a show of it.

The French had the biggest foreign contingent and the largest ship at
yesterday’s fleet review, six vessels led by the Charles de Gaulle, a
gargantuan, nuclear-powered aircraft carrier of 42,000 tonnes, twice
as big as anything the Royal Navy possesses, and with a flight deck
857ft (261m) long.

Vice-Admiral Jacques Mazars, the most senior officer on board, said:
“If you are invited to your cousin’s wedding you wear your best dress;
that’s what we have done.�

He added that he was happy to be commemorating France’s old adversary
Nelson while at the same time “celebrating the great brotherhood of
the sea. We do not have an equivalent hero to Nelson because there is
no English admiral in the French Navy,� the Vice-Admiral joked to The
Times in a small conference room deep in the bowels of this behemoth.
He conceded that Nelson was a great man and a great admiral, if only
because: “he took account of all the skills of his adversary Admiral
Villeneuve.�

Naturally the Commander of the joint French-Spanish force that faced
Nelson “could be a great man also. We know from his letters that he
was not in good shape to take on the British Navy, but he still put to
sea.�

Fair enough, Vice-Admiral, but you cannot escape the fact that
Villeneuve was defeated.

“Navy people are lucky in the UK because they were the first service
and so to win a battle like Trafalgar was very important to them. Bu
for the French it was not so important and it didn’t worry Napoleon
because he was much more land-minded. Remember that in the same year
as Trafalgar he won the Battle of Austerlitz.�

Perhaps that is why there are so few admirals who are French national
heroes, apart perhaps from de Grasse, who defeated the Royal Navy at
Chesapeake Bay in 1781 and opened the way to victory for George
Washington, and the grander named Pierre André de Suffren de Saint
Tropez, who caused us a lot of bother in the Indian Ocean in the late
18th century.

The Vice-Admiral was anxious to emphasise that the presence of six
French ships at a Trafalgar celebration was less about history than
about present-day co-operation between allied navies. There were,
however, mutterings from below decks that it was a strange thing to be
doing.

Ensign Stéphane Lombardo, one of the carrier’s fighter pilots, said:
“Given the choice, half the crew would not have come to a celebration
of a French defeat.�

In the captain’s cabin Xavier Magne, commanding officer of the Charles
de Gaulle, expressed pride in his warship, the biggest in Western
Europe. “We can go without refuelling for seven years,� he boasted.
Ah, but does that include the Chablis? “Mais oui,� said the captain.
“I can always pick up wine from replenishment ships.� No Chablis, but
a perfectly acceptable carafe of rosé was served in the junior
officers’ mess with an excellent lunch of asparagus, pork casserole
and an extensive cheese board. The only obvious concession to Nato
integration was a bottle of Heinz tomato ketchup.

Captain Magne heads a crew of 1,900 officers, men and women, of whom
the latter constitutes 10 per cent of the total. “When men are alone
they just grunt and talk football. When there are females onboard —
and we even have one woman fighter pilot — they smile and make an
effort.�

For an unofficial view on the women we took Lieutenant David Pret
aside. “You can have relationships onboard, but not while you’re
working, and you cannot share a cabin. You can invite a girl for a
drink in the mess; yes, of course you can drink but you cannot get
drunk or you will be fired.� By the way Lieutenant, can you name any
famous French naval victories? His eyes darted around and he laughed
nervously. “Beeeep! No comment,� he giggled.

That’ll be a non, then? The Queen then came in sight passing down the
line of ships. Charles de Gaulle’s impeccably turned-out crew lined
the flight deck; above their heads she was dressed with a huge
tricoleur flying at her stern and the Croix de Lorraine fluttering at
her bow in memory of the Free French whom de Gaulle commanded. On
board the Spanish carrier Principe de Asturias, next in line, there
was a sudden scramble from below decks to line up; the royal arrival
appeared to have surprised them in their siesta.

As the Queen passed the Charles de Gaulle, the carrier’s small and,
for once, harmless salute gun fired 21 rounds and her loudspeakers
played the British National Anthem. While La Reine was still well
within earshot, the band of the Royal Marines playing the Monty Python
theme tune on Her Majesty’s foredeck was drowned out by the Charles de
Gaulle’s high-decibel broadcast of La Marseillaise. Just a reminder
200 years on, ma’am, as to who’s got the biggest toy now.
--
Martin

Martin

On Wed, 29 Jun 2005 10:26:07 +0200, Magda <<[email protected]>>
wrote:

    >On Wed, 29 Jun 2005 10:22:34 +0200, in rec.travel.europe, Martin <[email protected]> arranged
    >some electrons, so they looked like this :
    > ... On Tue, 28 Jun 2005 22:06:21 +0100, [email protected]
    > ... (chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco)
    > ... wrote:
    > ...
    > ... >Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > ... >ago...
    > ... >
    > ... ><ducks>
    > ...
    > ... The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
    > ... biggest RN ship. As the Queen passed the French played the Marseilles
    > ... at full volume. :-)
    >Marseillaise.

BINGO! :-)
--
Martin

Go Fig

In article <[email protected] .com>,
Jordi <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Go Fig ha escrito:
    > > In article <[email protected]>, Martin
    > > >
    > > > The French turned up with an aircraft carrier twice the size of the
    > > > biggest RN ship.
    > >
    > > So the Charles de Gaulle now has a working propulsion system ?
    > >
    >
    > She was launching planes over Afghanistan until not that long ago, and
    > I don't think she was towed all the way :)

This is the most plagued navy ship sailing the seas... you just don't
change the name of a ship... But the French will be buying their next
one from the Brits, who are using (drum roll)... Haliburton to manage
the project.

jay
Wed Jun 29, 2005
mailto:[email protected]


    >
    >
    > J.

A.Spencer3

"Jan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > chancellor of the duchy of besses o' th' barn and prestwich tesco wrote:
    > > Lots of celebrations in the UK today for beating the French 200 years
    > > ago...
    > >
    > > <ducks>
    > Just watched the fireworks in the solent. Very spectacular and loud, even
    > from 5 miles away!!!
    > Though shouldn't we be celebrating on October 21st???

Did I miss something, or did the much vaunted re-enactment consist of maybe
3 sailing ships?

Surreyman

Jordi

Go Fig ha escrito:

    > >
    > > She was launching planes over Afghanistan until not that long ago, and
    > > I don't think she was towed all the way :)
    > This is the most plagued navy ship sailing the seas... you just don't
    > change the name of a ship... But the French will be buying their next
    > one from the Brits, who are using (drum roll)... Haliburton to manage
    > the project.

A joint project rather than buying from, so that both French and Brits
save costs. It is just future especulation anyway.

The propeller problem was blamed on the supplier, and leaking problems
have been unheard for some two years so one would hope they are solved
by now.

Still, I would never go on board her, just in case :)

J.