Funny replies to FAQ's

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Old Feb 20th 2005, 9:48 am
  #1  
Scotty
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Default Funny replies to FAQ's

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim Website
and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing especially the
Vienna Boys' Choir one.

1.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

2.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking

3.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

8.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

9.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

1 1.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas time.

16.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

18.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.

19.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
 
Old Feb 20th 2005, 11:33 am
  #2  
Alan S
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

On Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:48:34 +1000, "Scotty" <[email protected]>
wrote:

    |These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim Website
    |and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing especially the
    |Vienna Boys' Choir one.
    |

Magic! I kept thinking "I wish I'd said that!"

What web-site were they on?


Cheers, Alan
 
Old Feb 20th 2005, 10:41 pm
  #3  
Chris Kuan
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

Alan S <[email protected]> wrote on Mon 21 Feb 2005 11:33:18a

    > What web-site were they on?

I remember Toxic Custard used to have an anti-FAQ like that...

--
Chris
Concatenate for email: mrgazpacho @ hotmail . com
 
Old Feb 21st 2005, 11:09 am
  #4  
Geodyne
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

Alan S <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:

    > On Mon, 21 Feb 2005 08:48:34 +1000, "Scotty" <[email protected]>
    > wrote:
    >
    >|These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Toursim
    >|Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing
    >|especially the Vienna Boys' Choir one.
    >|
    >
    > Magic! I kept thinking "I wish I'd said that!"
    >
    > What web-site were they on?
    >
These were doing the rounds back in 2000, alledgedly on a tourist
enquiry site related to the Olympics. I suspect they're a joke, older
than that.

But they've always amused me. :-)

Geodyne
 
Old Feb 21st 2005, 4:47 pm
  #5  
Daniel Bowen
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

"Chris Kuan" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]. 2.58...
    > Alan S <[email protected]> wrote on Mon 21 Feb 2005 11:33:18a
    > > What web-site were they on?
    > I remember Toxic Custard used to have an anti-FAQ like that...

It's still up, and if you ever doubted it, the questions I get are genuinely
sent, I don't make them up. (Mind you people could be playing games.)

http://www.toxiccustard.com/australia/


Daniel
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 7:10 am
  #6  
Prhineer
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

22.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
here?� Unfreakin’ believable!!


--
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Old Feb 23rd 2005, 9:05 am
  #7  
Alan S
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

On Wed, 23 Feb 2005 14:10:11 -0600, prhineer
<[email protected]> wrote:

    |
    |22.
    |Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    |A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    |
    |When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
    |one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
    |here?â€? Unfreakin’ believable!!

Back in '67, serving at Biloxi's Keesler AFB with "Australia" on my
shoulder slides I was regularly complimented on my ability to speak
English (although with a "weird" accent:-). It wasn't until a second
person mentioned how close we were to becoming communist after WWII
that I realised they thought we were from Austria.

I went back in '03. Nothing had changed.


Cheers, Alan
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 1:48 pm
  #8  
Freda
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

Typical of most americans.
They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media contiues
on after that.
Freda
"prhineer" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > 22.
    > Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    > A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    > When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
    > one of her co-workers "Did you have to learn English to come over
    > here?" Unfreakin' believable!!
    > --
    > prhineer
    > ------------------------------------------------------------------------
    > prhineer's Profile: http://travelforums.org/forums/member.php?userid=368
    > View this thread: http://travelforums.org/forums/showthread.php?t=66029
    > This post was submitted via http://www.TravelForums.org
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 4:12 pm
  #9  
Ken Pisichko
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

In 1983 my wife and I were accepted into the Ohio State Uni graduate school
(OSU is a huge university. They wanted to make sure we could speak English
because we had a "foreign" name (Pisichko). Once we told them we were TOFEL
exam envigilators OSU backed off....

prhineer wrote:

    > 22.
    > Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    > A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    > When my wife (Australian) first got a job in the US, she was asked by
    > one of her co-workers “Did you have to learn English to come over
    > here?â€? Unfreakin’ believable!!
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 4:35 pm
  #10  
texan.usenet...
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

On Thu, 24 Feb 2005 13:18:54 +1030, "Freda" <[email protected]>
wrote:

    >Typical of most americans.

Most as in what % of the population are you basing that on?

    >They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA

Well for a country that has so many cultures, that is very difficult
to believe!

So in your humble opinion, what is "American culture"?


    >They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media contiues
    >on after that.
    >Freda

What American grade school levels did you attend Freda?

Be interested to hear how you judge your biased remarks if you have
never lived here.....

Cath
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 9:23 pm
  #11  
Scotty
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

    >>Typical of most americans.
    > Most as in what % of the population are you basing that on?

Around 80% of those of whom Ive had the pleasure to meet.
    >>They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
    > Well for a country that has so many cultures, that is very difficult
    > to believe!
    > So in your humble opinion, what is "American culture"?

WHat ever it is it aint Australian, Asian, European or well almost all the
rest of the world.


    >>They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media
    >>contiues
    >>on after that.
    >>Freda
    > What American grade school levels did you attend Freda?
    > Be interested to hear how you judge your biased remarks if you have
    > never lived here.....

I think that Freda was generalising a bit too much there with malice
intended, I hope.

Its been a common denominator with 80% of all Americans that I meet, you
speak good english for being from The south pacific etc etc. I even got
asked what language we spoke there? Duh!
Never mind I think that most are just ignorant of those I meet.

    > Cath
 
Old Feb 23rd 2005, 10:44 pm
  #12  
David Springthorpe
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Default Re: Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

On Wed, 23 Feb 2005 23:12:31 -0600, Ken Pisichko <[email protected]> offered the
following revelation:

>..... Once we told them we were TOFEL
>exam envigilators OSU backed off.....

What is a TOFEL and what is am envigilator please.....?

DS
 
Old Feb 24th 2005, 12:33 am
  #13  
Jack
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Posts: n/a
Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

considering over half of Americans don't know where Canada is....safe to say
most are totally blindfolded to anything outside their borders....





"Scotty" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected] ...
    > >
    > >>Typical of most americans.
    > >
    > > Most as in what % of the population are you basing that on?
    > Around 80% of those of whom Ive had the pleasure to meet.
    > >
    > >>They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
    > >
    > > Well for a country that has so many cultures, that is very difficult
    > > to believe!
    > >
    > > So in your humble opinion, what is "American culture"?
    > WHat ever it is it aint Australian, Asian, European or well almost all the
    > rest of the world.
    > >
    > >
    > >>They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media
    > >>contiues
    > >>on after that.
    > >>Freda
    > >
    > > What American grade school levels did you attend Freda?
    > >
    > > Be interested to hear how you judge your biased remarks if you have
    > > never lived here.....
    > I think that Freda was generalising a bit too much there with malice
    > intended, I hope.
    > Its been a common denominator with 80% of all Americans that I meet, you
    > speak good english for being from The south pacific etc etc. I even got
    > asked what language we spoke there? Duh!
    > Never mind I think that most are just ignorant of those I meet.
    > >
    > > Cath
 
Old Feb 24th 2005, 12:42 am
  #14  
Freda
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Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

Well take a long look at the postings from the US on this and
other newsgroups and you will soon learn that what I have stated is
accurate.
Freda
<[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]...
    > On Thu, 24 Feb 2005 13:18:54 +1030, "Freda" <[email protected]>
    > wrote:
    > >Typical of most americans.
    > Most as in what % of the population are you basing that on?
    > >They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
    > Well for a country that has so many cultures, that is very difficult
    > to believe!
    > So in your humble opinion, what is "American culture"?
    > >They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media
contiues
    > >on after that.
    > >Freda
    > What American grade school levels did you attend Freda?
    > Be interested to hear how you judge your biased remarks if you have
    > never lived here.....
    > Cath
 
Old Feb 24th 2005, 3:36 am
  #15  
texan.usenet...
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Funny replies to FAQ's

On Fri, 25 Feb 2005 00:12:02 +1030, "Freda" <[email protected]>
wrote:

    ><[email protected]> wrote in message
    >news:[email protected].. .
    >> On Thu, 24 Feb 2005 13:18:54 +1030, "Freda" <[email protected]>
    >> wrote:
    >> >Typical of most americans.
    >> Most as in what % of the population are you basing that on?
    >> >They are fairly ignorant of any culture outside contintental USA
    >> Well for a country that has so many cultures, that is very difficult
    >> to believe!
    >> So in your humble opinion, what is "American culture"?
    >> >They are brainwashed aboiut USA at school and college and the media
    >contiues
    >> >on after that.
    >> >Freda
    >> What American grade school levels did you attend Freda?
    >> Be interested to hear how you judge your biased remarks if you have
    >> never lived here.....
    >> Cath

    >Well take a long look at the postings from the US on this and
    >other newsgroups and you will soon learn that what I have stated is
    >accurate.
    >Freda

FFS. You would believe stuff written on ng's only?
You haven't lived over here so you do not have a 'true clue'....

What school did you go to?
Jeeze.............


Cath
 


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