A Suitable Gift?
 

We'll be visiting some Portuguese friends during a short visit this September, and would like to bring a modest gift -ideally (though not a mandatory requirement) something with a British or English flavour. Any thoughts as to what might be appreciated would be appreciated in turn. Thanks.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

We found a fruitcake infused with Yorkshire gin from https://www.bettys.co.uk/gifts-hampers

that we gave to our Portuguese neighbours for a New Years 'thank you' gift. It is packed in a tin so travels ok and light enough to go in hand luggage. Seemed to be well received!

J

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Thank you - what an excellent idea. We'll be driving down, but will only have very limited room in our 2-seater. Am I permitted to buy two, and eat one myself on the way?

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Most certainly!

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Why only two ? Have you no appetite ?

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

This is a deeply philosophical and, indeed, disturbing question. Do remember that I (perhaps foolishly) only asked and received permission for two, so I was not aware that a higher number would be permissible. So I would appreciate formal guidance in this matter. Specifically, are there any guidelines or EU directives on Cake limits? What is the annual permitted maximum? What penalties would be applied by the Portuguese National Cake Police for breaching those limits? I have even held back from purchasing a trial cake to check flavour, consistency and structure!

Please help me! I just don't know what to do, and there is a seven month waiting list to see my local Cakecounsellor, and even the Piecounsellor (who does have a small amount of experience of Cakecounselling) couldn't see me until at least October. I cannot sleep for the worry of it all.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Very good.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Methinks someone is trying to have their cake and eat it!

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Now don't be flippant - this is a deadly serious matter. However, I would be happy to eat my cake and have it.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

As responsible people surely they MUST try the cake before considering giving it as a gift so a minimum purchase of three may be necessary, one to try, one give and one to eat themselves

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

You make a sublime point, Loafing along, possibly because you also are made of flour. However, there is an important element of quality standards and consistency which maybe even you cannot answer!

Once we have purchased those three cakes, we will of course explore and sample a randomly selected one of them, as you so cogently suggest. But this leaves one major question unanswered: how do we know whether the particular sample which we have tested is representative of all? It could be an outlier: a particularly good, or indeed poor, example of the product. So we will need, surely, to sample more than one.

And here's the rub: how many must we sample to achieve a statistically significant result? As you know, I have not slept for many nights now, worrying about this desperate problem. How can I get a good night's rest, now that the spectre of cake standard deviations and product uniformity has been raised? How can I resolve this? How many cakes? Please help me through this difficult time.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Is there nothing in "Which" or maybe some hints from Delia Smith prior to serious purchase commitment but then credit is cheap at the moment so it will not be an expensive mistake and you may even get a Boots "Three for Two" if you haggle

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Didion, please think very carefully before commencing your tasting odessy. Cake is addictive and one simple taste is all it takes to become hooked for life. I know there is Cake Addicts Anonymous but that only tries to help after the event. Don't start tasting is the best advice. If others want to go down the path to cake oblivion then let them , DO NOT start on it yourself. The only possible answer is to take the cakes, let others try them and if they seem OK after a few days then , yes, you can have a slice with reasonable certainty of staying sane. I know as I have a cake addicted wife and believe me it is no fun living with her. She lies, hides cake all over the house and sneaks off at the slightest opportunity to grab a slice. In fact she is so addicted that if there is no cake in the house she actually MAKES ONE! The tragedy is that it's my fault - Some years ago I bought her a delicious looking cream puff from our local baker and after one bite she was hooked. Her addiction has caused us years of heartache, we lost our house, friends and family as they did not want to be associated with a cake addict.:(

Cake Addiction and Cakebeticism.
 

Quiltman, thank you so much for sharing your loss, and let me express my deep sympathy for the pain you have suffered over the years. But your warning is too late for me because I, too, have already touched upon Cake Addiction (but was ejected from my local CAA group for disorderly conduct and drunkenness) but was drawn back from the abyss, as it were, by intensive alcohol treatment prescribed for my cakebeticism. Perhaps, though I can now offer you some hope out of your misery.

Please forgive me if I go into some detail, though it might help others in a similar situation; but I am afraid my condition only acts to magnify some of the other issues discussed so far in this thread. I had not intended to muddy the waters, as it were, by bringing it up here - but I now think I need to come clean.

About four years ago - during Cake Addiction treatment - I was identified as being full-blown type 2 cakebetic with my serum cake levels standing at 25 millicrumbs per litre. This was, as you can imagine, a major blow at the time, but I would like to report on the remarkable impact of Alcohol Therapy on the twin problems of Cake Addiction and Cakebeticism. This is part of the abstract the American Cakebetic Research Foundation research report, presented at the Fourth International Food and Health Conference in California, (Veeraswamy et al, 2014, Proc IFHCC 2014, p 1731, Cake addiction and alcohol)

The increase in Cake Addiction has been reported elsewhere (see ibid 2016 for a metastudy report). This report addresses the interaction between cakeoholism and cakebeticism, and discusses the role of alcohol as a moderating factor.

Our preliminary findings on what can be termed an epidemic of cakebeticism in the US raise the alarming spectre of exponentially increasing complications, especially in the young, middle aged, and elderly. We show that the normal, safe levels are 12 to 15 millicrumbs per litre of blood. At serum cake levels below 9 millicrumbs /litre there is the danger of hypocakonia - with its well known dangers, and above 18 millicrumbs per litre the patient is increasingly likely to experience episodes of hypercakonia with serious long-term consequences on both physical and mental health. Diet alone often fails, and will frequently lead to cake addiction. Our preliminary research shows that moderate to excessive alcohol intake can not only bring down serum cake figures to normal levels, but also inhibit or even cure the tendency for cakeoholism.
(the bold is mine)

Apart from the strange fact that the abstract refers to a report of two years in its future, many interesting and valid issues are raised, here. The main one, as I (from a layman's perspective) understand, is that one needs to balance cake intake with alcohol consumption - and as long as this balance is properly maintained, both cake addiction (or cakeoholism, as the Americans term it) and cakebeticism are controlled. If I can reveal my own medical position, I am regarded as being a Cake Addict in remission - helped, I am sure, by being so inebriated much of the time I have not been able to make my way to the kitchen and our tailor-made Cake Storage Unit, and my serum cake levels are down to 17 millicrumbs per litre of blood - a bit high, in my view, but close to the normal range (I am formally classed as a precakeabetic right now). So I plan on a protective series of increasing alcohol infusions, prior to commencing the cake trial proper. Later research findings (Google this) show clearly that there is a trigger level of required alcohol intake, which increases with increased serum cake levels, so my plan is to ensure an excess of alcohol, in order to provide a measure of security.

And at last the food industry is waking up to this! The recommended cake itself, referred to in the second post on this thread, is indeed already gin-infused! This is the kind of responsible behaviour I would like to see more of, and the provider is to be congratulated on their health-conscious unspoken message.

I wonder if any other forum members are in a similar position? Perhaps we could start a Portuguese cakeholicsabetics support group? It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Nutek, who posts in the US and General sections is the acknowledged expert on all things cake related, however do NOT fall into the trap of allowing him to taste it, as it will disappear completely in just a few minutes. :rofl::rofl:

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Didion, I'm so glad I'm not alone and thank you for being so honest about your addiction problems. This is a lesser known addiction and very little, (none in fact) funding has been put into researching it in the UK. Here in the Philippines, cake addiction is a MASSIVE problem. There are cake and bread shops virtually every 20 meters or so , wafting their enticing smells over the pavements. It is horrifying to see apparently normal folks strolling along, stop, lifting their heads and sniffing deeply. then turning around, disappearing into one of these dens of iniquity and emerging a few minutes later with a seraphic smile and crumbs falling from their lips. No help at all here for addicts as the government turns a blind eye and approves new cake shops by the hour. My wife cannot pass a Julies pantry, Kates Bake Shop or Leonnies Cakes without me having to drag her fingers off the door frame. I'm beginning to think the only answer is to have her put down as all the family are affected by her addiction. Must go, she's trying to get the padlock off the food cupboard to bake more cake.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Oh, I daren't tell her about the alcohol antidote otherwise who knows? She does like rum babas though so I suppose she is already on that rocky path.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Showing this Christmas, "The Great Escake".

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Ahem.

Despite this blatant slur on my good character, I am, nonetheless, willing to volunteer to undertake any cake testing that may be required, releasing the rest of you from the worry of that heavy burden.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

I will consider this kind offer carefully. However, in view of the comments made above, please provide two (2) references - you may transcribe what is written about them and post them within this thread. I hope you understand my caution in this matter.

Thank you.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Sir: you have a crummy sense of humour.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Quiltman: thank you for your understanding, but what a sad and depressing state of affairs you have. I would have thought such a situation would already have brought down your government; do you not have a National Democratic Cake Party, in favour of consistent, constant, moderate consumption? They would be the people to approach.

And do consider the alcohol remedy - if not so already, your wife must must be in line for cakebetes (has she had her blood crumb count taken recently?) but I would certainly endorse alcohol treatment, both for her and indeed for yourself. It would ease the decision, should you take the drastic, but seemingly inevitable, step of having her put down,

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

You have to understand that cake is extremely dangerous and addictive, so much so that a TV programme was made about it..

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Thank you Mike. I have now watched and listened to this major TV programme, but I confess that it was really too full of state of the art scientific references for me to comprehend fully. But in essence it seems to me only to apply to bright yellow cakes - hence the fruit cakes which are under discussion here should not have the same effect. Have I understood this properly, or am I missing some nuances?

By the way, I think it nonsensical of TV producers to generate programs such as this, which are so technical and refined in their nature that the layman will have very little chance of following it, never mind knowing (or even ever having met!) the long words and convoluted sentences used by the erudite presenters.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

References... That's a little tricky really. Mainly due to a bit of a debacle over a rigged Poll, some missing Stolen (what other explanation could there be) and some dubious rumours, mainly put about by people that know me.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

No, we have all committed the occasional major crime from time to time, so this kind of minor misdemeanour really is of no concern to me, and I would certainly disregard the flawed views of those who claim to know you. The references need only to address the really important issues, such as your cake judging credentials, how much you spend on food in supermarkets, the robustness of your alcohol consumption, and whether you have holes in your socks; that sort of thing. But I am afraid I will be unable to take this no further without such assurances, and I fear that your international reputation might be severely undermined if you fail to come up with those requested references.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Nuteks reputation here on BE is well vouched for. Although he loves cake he seems to have a natural immunity from cakeaholism. someone needs to analyse his DNA to discover the relevant gene so that , with gene therapy, others can be prevented from having to live with a cake addict. Damn! She's at the cake safe again. Must go restrain her. Nurse! where's the strait jacket?

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

:lol:

It's good to know that my contributions in the field of nutrition and healthy living here at BE are appreciated.

The relevant gene is one with an elasticated waistband. ;)

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

I thought Yellow Cake was safe until after enrichment. Which is why you rarely find yeast and a proving drawer in a nuclear facility.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Just to add to the debate on choice - today's Daily mail Online :

Can a shop bought Mary Berry cake match one made at home? | Daily Mail Online

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

That's a relief, I thought it was going to be a Mary Berry made of cake.

Re: Cake Addiction and Cakebeticism.
 

I think your getting this all out of proportion Diddion. Take a deep breath,lie down and revise the plan. Obviously cake it now quite out of the question. I would suggest whisky or other but fear for you in that area,especially whilst driving. Nothing for it,the gift has to be both inedible and undrinkable you can't take the mental strain.. A Paddington Bear it is then :starsmile:

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Sadly, it is already too late. Perhaps, if you had relayed your profoundly thoughtful suggestion, the course of my life would have changed, but no. I have tried to resist, but in the end could not prevent myself, and have bought up every cake available from outlets of all sizes, from small, independent bakers to major supermarkets, within a 35 mile radius of here, whilst I wait for my special order from Mary Berry to be made - they are rushing through the completion of a new factory for this.

I am locked in my room, now, existing in a small space remaining in the centre, surrounded by walls of cake three feet thick. Even the floor is a soft, gentle layer of welcoming cake. I hear the faint sound of the military helicopter buzzing above me, and through the cake-insulated walls I can make out megaphone, but the words are too muffled. This is a living heaven, and a living hell.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Didion, thanks for the update. don't worry about the helicopter at the moment. Of more concern is that I hear the SAS are preparing a raid to repatriate cake - and eat some themselves. At least you still have t'internet in your hidey hole so can keep in touch with the outside world , but what happens when the cake runs out? Do you have plans for restocking without going outside and getting arrested ? Must go , a Julies pantry truck just pulled up outside - looks like she's been ordering online again!

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

And as I stand outside the now burning residence of one named Didion I can just make out the blurred outline of someone throwing cakes down to the soldiers lined up below. It has been a catastrophe of gigantic proportions .The sad part being it was all self inflicted. As a passing old woman (munching on a slice of Dundee) mumbled. 'If only he had gone for a non edible gift...none of this would have happened. Still can't look a gift cake in the mouth' as they say' then she shuffled off into the gloom .

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

From my hideout here at the edge of the woods I can just make out soldiers looting my cake supply. At first I thought they were rescuing them but No! their actions show a total disregard of human decency. My life is destroyed, my cake depository virtually demolished, my house no longer habitable. The smell of burning sultanas is intolerable. But I, at least for now, have escaped with a small cache of cakes - a Mary Berry among them! That, I shall keep till last. The baying of hounds breaks the silence, together with the popping of bursting cakes and the belches of soldiers.

Cakebeticsim and cakeholicism are the least of my worries, now, as I contemplate a bleak and empty future. What is to become of me?

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Excellent...Soon my troops shall return home with their spoils... Soon...

* steeples fingers *

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

I had long suspected Nutek, but he has now revealed his hand. Oh, if only I'd had time to inject more of those cakes with that virus before - in the nick of time - making good my escape. Oh, what a surprise he will encounter.

It is damp, here, in the hideout, but at least it is warm, and I am healthy, and the cakes afford fine insulation. I remain in good health, though the diet of fruit cake is beginning to get monotonous. Oh, what I would do for a slice of sponge cake or even a small battenburg right now!

I have been planning, in between mouthfuls. I am nearly ready for my first big move. I need to know who my supporters are.........

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

A diet of fruit cake will cause that after a time.

Re: A Suitable Gift?
 

Nutek, my enemy! And how, may I ask, are your troops? Anything..........happening?