Cheesy Cracker Jokes
Dec 19th 2008, 3:56 pm
#1
Not So Senior Member!
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Algarve
Posts: 501
Cheesy Cracker Jokes
As its Crimbo and quiet on here its gives us a chance to post our favourite cheesy Christmas cracker jokes.
I will go first;
Why are pirates called pirates??
'Cause they Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhaa aaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhh
I will go first;
Why are pirates called pirates??
'Cause they Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhaa aaaaaaaarrrrggggghhhh
Dec 20th 2008, 12:39 pm
#2
ex-squaddie
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Aylesbury, UK
Posts: 4,605
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?
Very little.
Very little.
Dec 20th 2008, 12:43 pm
#3
ex-squaddie
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Aylesbury, UK
Posts: 4,605
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
I got an appeal letter from the Tourettes Society today.
It said send us a tenner you ****ing twat.
It said send us a tenner you ****ing twat.
Dec 20th 2008, 4:27 pm
#5
Not So Senior Member!
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Algarve
Posts: 501
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
Is that a picture of you Cleri? For some reason I thought you were retired 
Dec 22nd 2008, 9:40 am
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 239
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
this horse went into the bar.......
the bar man said.." why the long face.."
the bar man said.." why the long face.."
Dec 22nd 2008, 9:33 pm
#8
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: Scotland, Praia da Luz Portugal
Posts: 848
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Dec 22nd 2008, 9:39 pm
#9
Ginger Monkey
Joined: Jun 2007
Location: Cheeseland, WI
Posts: 2,772
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the seaweed.
HAHAHAHAHAA!!!! That's one of my favourite ever jokes.
Because the seaweed.
HAHAHAHAHAA!!!! That's one of my favourite ever jokes.
Dec 23rd 2008, 12:40 pm
#10
Not So Senior Member!
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Algarve
Posts: 501
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
THINGS YOU CAN ONLY SAY AT CHRISTMAS
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more
1: I prefer breasts to legs.
2: Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3: Smother the butter all over the breasts.
4: If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5: I've never seen a better spread!
6: I fancy a little dark meat for a change.
7: Are you ready for seconds yet?
8: It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9: Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10: Don't play with your meat!
11: Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12: Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13: I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14: You still have a little bit on your chin.
15: How long will it take after you put it in?
16: You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17: Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18: That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19: I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning.
20: Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more
Dec 23rd 2008, 4:28 pm
#11
Not So Senior Member!
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Algarve
Posts: 501
Re: Cheesy Cracker Jokes
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack..
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
'Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.'
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, 'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.'
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. 'I mean, what in the world is this?'
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'
(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
