stapler210

hi,i am new to this forum.i am an english woman currently still in the uk but i am going to the philippines in august/september to live with my filipino boyfriend.i read much on the subject of a macho society and would like further info on this other than the fact that they like you to wear a bra at all times.in what way are they macho.in england a lot of 'macho' men are wifebeaters,alcoholics and bossy.what is the difference between a filipino macho man and an english one.
i would also like some uk women replies as to how they find their filipino husband/boyfriend compared to the englishman,thanks

alton

I am not sure what you mean by 'macho men'. Like most asian countries, Philippines is a paternalistic society. So the idea of being the 'man of the house' is very much embedded in our culture. However, that does not mean that women are treated less. We have a saying, "Husbands are the boss of the house, wives are the commander in chief'. People would interpret that in many ways but to me it means that there are equal.

Wife-beaters, alcoholics, or bossy men are not unique in one place. They are present in the Philippines too. However, if your boyfriend comes from a good family, it would be less likely that he is any one of them. Family is very important in the Philippines which means that they will play a major role in your life.

ejay1

Macho society?, in fact before the Spanish arrived the Philippines was a Maternalistic society where women held high positions in society. Which is evident by the fact that the president of the Philippines is a woman. And most filipino husbands treat their wives with respect. In fact myself being filipino, it is my mother who usually makes most of the decisions in the family, with my father usually agreeing . But yes, sometimes filipino men have a need to show their masculinity. Its only natural, you don't want people thinking your gay now do you.

sunnydays

Hi,
The Filipino ladies outnumber the men at least 2 to 1 and are very drendily dressed with modern fashions .....take your visa card and buy a new set of clothes when you are there and a new fibre glass suitcase to carry them in for under £50. They always appear cool and collected despite the heat and humidity and smile all the time. Most of the blouses are short sleeved and close fitting, definately wear a bra, Filipino ladies don't drink and won't be seen in bars. European men are eyed up and down by the ladies much like we do to ladies here and I suspect that by being different, you will be ogled by the men. You do have to be aware of the huge difference between the "haves" and the "have-nots". I've spent nights in shanty town type homes where you dig in your own pocket to pay for the drink thats offerred because you feel obliged to offer in the circumstances. Hospitality is marvellous and you are given a meal on arrival in most homes. Get accustomed to eating cold pork stew and eating in Caranderias, cheap and filling. Despite what they say about the water, I drank it all the time, but do it gradually, ie slip a little down after teeth brushing and increase the amount each day. The "Macho" men are predominantly "Jeepney" drivers other wise if anything the men can seem immature and overley friendly compared to us Europeans. The Philipino culture is quite strict between young people and girls are chapperoned by family members until the boyfriend is trusted to be with the girl on his own. (strong Catholics)It is not the norm to "live" with friends without being married....a very different situation to European life style!!!

sunnydays

Dear English Lady,
Further to my last and please allow me to play "Devils Advocate" in your plans to see your Filipino boyfriend.
The female competition in the Philippines is very strong, most single chaps from Europe fall for a lady there, the choice is incredable.
Ask yourself this, is your boyfriend interested in you or your British passport?
What are his motives? The country's Peso currency continues to drop in value, years ago it was 50 to the pound, now its over 100. The "Draw" to the strong European culture is irresistable and thats why young girls throw themselves at middleaged men to help out their families with financial support. Don't be stepping stone to a better life for him.
Again please accept my appologies for maybe affending you but you need to be aware.
Kind regards and good luck

Anglian

I've just come back from the Philippines, and was "eyed up" a lot! All the Filipinos I met said Filipino men were "butterflies" (unfaithful) as there was so much opportunity.
ALL the ones I met wanted to get hitched to a Westerner and leave the country. It's so poor that the country's second highest income is remittances from Filipinos working abroad.

sunnydays

Yes its very sad, the families keep "popping" out children hoping that one of them will make it to a good job and support the family. The ones that make it to an overseas job send all their wages home and work very hard to maintain the payment.
We know a friend with a Filipino wife who works as supermarket sales manager
and her salary supports her parents and brothers and sisters back home. The husband is retired and would like to retire to the Philippines where his painful Arthritus vanishes, but cannot because his wife's salary is so important. Instead of using the money to good use ie a bussiness of sorts, it just gets eaten up by the ever increasing families new marriages, and they sit around with no jobs making things worse. ....very infuriating. Birth control is the old fashioned method sanctioned by the Catholic church and often fails. They know the solutions but choose to ignore them. Maybe Religion is to blame, I say take the baby to the church and let them feed it!!!

Anglian

True, Sunnydays! The more poverty, the more the RC church gets stronger, the more kids, the more the poverty...round and round and round we go.

Astrantia

Nonsense! :P

Hello to the opening poster I'm a British female and I've been in a relationship with my Filipino fiance for 3 years now. 2 of those years I spent living in the Philippines.

Firstly, Filipino women DO go to bars. I've seen many women in bars in provinces and in Manila! I've been clubbing in Manila with some Filipina friends of mine.

I would encourage you to wear a bra when you go out, every other woman will be and if you don't you get a lot of staring and unwanted attention from men. It's not against their culture or anything, but for yourself I'd wear one!

It's true that, especially in the Provinces men still 'rule'. But it depends on the social class of the family. It's modern times and there are couples in 'equal' footing relationships and I would encourage you to talk to you boyfriend about this. He should respect that you have cultural differences, work out a mid ground you're both happy with. DO NOT be walked all over. IT IS NOT in the culture, not anymore. Filipina's are fighting against the macho culture, so don't give in either.

Be nice to his parents! When you date a Filipino you date his parents too! Luckily you are the female in the relationship and you won't have to do as much as a man would. Do things like help his Mum wash the dishes, sweep the floor etc... and bring 'Pasalubong'. Pasalubong means buy some cakes or something for when you visit their place

The Philippines is an ever growing and changing culture. Just go there with an open mind, DON'T be afraid and observe. I do warn you, you might get a lot of attention and staring if you're white. Filipino's LOVE white women

AND NOT ALL Filipino men are 'Butterflies'. They don't all cheat on their women :P Maybe the older generation did that most likely, but if that did it nowadays a Filipina would be MAD!!!

Filipino's aren't THAT different from us

:P Hope that helps.

sunnydays

As a single chap some years ago I travelled extensively round the Philippine islands including Mindanou and naturally spent the evenings seeking female companionship. Needless to say it was nowhere to be found in bars that I looked in. Probably the "clubbing" scene in Makati is different and like the UK scene is a busy experience with both sexes enjoying themselves. My Filipino wife of 48 years has never had alcohol and I've given up trying to ween her onto it with wine/sprite mixes, shandies etc. She ends up in tears and lies down watching the room spin.
From what I've seen its the thing for young people to meet up and arrange dates in other places than bars. We've been to Makati for shopping in the many "Malls" and love it, there you can see the young people having a good time chatting in groups together.
Anti-macho, job sharing, wondeful until the car breaks down and its "him" to sort out or clean at the weekend. The noise in the night time is "his" job to investigate. Quote "I leave it to him in the bedroom"...why, because it doesn't work otherwise...okay maybe for the first couple of years!
Would you enjoy having your man wear a " pini " and not feel embarrased in front of your friends....maybe he would stand by and watch you change a flat tyre on the car in the rain....after all it is your turn darling!!!

Astrantia

lol! I know what your saying. Found that kind of thing amusing when I was there.

But lets keep this in perspective for the opening poster. She is ENGLISH in a relationship with a FILIPINO MAN. She isn't a Filipina and shouldn't be expected to behave like one. Yes, intergrate into the culture, but not lose herself at the same time. It's very hard. I think it's good for her to know that she can go to bars etc and other Filipina's DO it. It does depend on where she is in the Philippines, but most of the Philippines IS Catholic, so it shouldn't be a problem.

I've learnt that you cannot try to behave like a Filipina. You need to work out a mid-ground.

Oh and yes, malls... must people meet up in malls, of course. As a woman in the Philippines you're are expected to SHOP. Shop all you want, no one would care. Take advantage. LOL!

Redwings

Just want to add something here.

The traditional filipina culture is all the time bonded with her family. Always in touch and helping each others. This is why they say extended family is a common problem. Everybody within the family and their friends expects strong cooperation and help from each other. Humiliation and disappointment from within often results into a bad confrontation. Never corner a filipino because they usually are bad loosers and they tend to have their vengeance.

Filipinas specialy those who grew up in the provinces beleives that going to bars means trying to meet men and go further. They have the instict of alcohol could drive them crazy and eventually would lead to their morality being torn apart. The danger is because of their ignorance, simplicity and purity, when this family contact is broken, they could easily be taken advantage and end up with the wrong crowd and could get out of control.

In the UK, I agree, they have the best beers and pubs in the world and workers tend to go there after work to relax and socialize. Filipinas would prefer to go home, cook and open a beer for you and that you could spend more time with her. Generally, they are not the type who would spend much time outside their fences.

Crime rate, corruption and prostitution is very rampant specially in a big city like Manila because of poverty. This is something that somebody who intends to stay there longer has to learn to adopt in such place. Things are very different when you go to the rural areas where you could see the true culture.

I have never been to the Philippines for years and I would really like to visit someday.

Astrantia

Now Redwings is someone I agree with

sunnydays

You take him to the Philippines then.......?

Astrantia

Ewan ko sa iyo, bahala ka sa buhay mo