Amusing Notices
 

Seen painted in large black capitals on the side of a road near a police station in Manila:

NO PARKING ON BOTH SIDES EVEN POLICE

Any more?

Re: Amusing Notices
 

Some of the road signs here crack me up. In Roxas City I have seen a sign saying "No parking between the signs", there was only one sign. In our village they put up a sign saying "ONE WAY ONLY", I mention to the mayor about the sign, he seemed very proud of it until I mentioned that it was unclear which way was one way. The next time I saw the sign in very small letters at the to of the sign was printed "No Entry". There is a village near Kalibo that the sign says "30Km/h Minimum", best I have managed is about 10Km/h. Another, in Kalibo, sign said "Use One Lane Only", I stopped and asked a policeman which one I should use, he, of course, was unable to advise which out of the two lanes I should use. Another in Kalibo says "Turn Left Only" unfortunately there is no road to the left the only turning from the road is to the right.

Re: Amusing Notices
 

:lol:

Not the Philppines, but I've seen some funny ones in Malaysia.

At the breakfast buffet in a small hotel, the wording on the hand written signs under the various dishes changed according to which staff member was on.

Scrambled egg was variously described as Cramble Egg, Cream Egg, and my favourite, Screamable Egg.

A sign in a lift - restaurant close for make new. thank you for your kind understood.

Have to say though, their English was much better than my Bahasa Melayu!

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A funny one from when we were driving around Ireland. We were looking for a particular place, arrived at a t-junction and there were three signs with directional arrows for this place. One pointed left, one right, and the other pointed back down the way we'd just come :lol:

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I live near Roxas City and do the Kalibo run every couple of months and the signage is atrocious, when there is any. Lanes of the road just end in a 600mm drop, no warning signs. I kept noticing concrete roadside distance markers with strange distances on them. A bit of research told me that all distances are measured from a single post in the centre of Manila, like the Romans used to do from Rome! The Philippines hasn't changed this system. I have noticed in the past 6 months huge new signs near the side of the road, often obscured, with the official highway number on it but they're not at or near road junctions or shown on road junction signs (another rarity).

Re: Amusing Notices
 

There may well be more amusing notices around here, but in Filipino.

But one comes to my mind from a Hertfordshire Pub. Years ago a watery ditch close to its front door contained a rusty old style kettle attached to a chain fastened to a metal spike, to which was fixed a notice which read "Water 'Otter".

Health and safety regs led to its removal in recent times.

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Saw one today in the supermarket "Lemons P30 each, pack of 4 only P133"

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Must have been a branch of Tesco.

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Seen on the entrance gate to the large non Catholic cemetery in Roxas City;

PROMO PLOTS FOR SALE.

Perhaps buy one get one free?

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If not amusing these BOGOF notices can certainly be misleading. Recently a bakery had one above a tub of bread, 2 in each pack. We had a wasted conversation as to whether we could consume four.

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I read of a motorist in Ireland who asked a policeman what the white line at the side of the road meant. He replied "That means there is no parkin' there a'tall." Asked what the double yellow on the other side of the road meant, he replied "That means there is no parkin' there a'tall, a'tall."

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Staying at a small hotel in Italy a few years ago, I read the safety information posted on the back of the door in my room. It had various bits of information on fire safety and evacuation procedures, including guidance under the heading "When to warm the porter". :rofl:

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A friend sent me this NHS advice notice. Put a smile on my faceAttachment 129498

Re: Amusing Notices
 

Also applicable to Tesco Malaysia. New examples appear here on an almost weekly basis.

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Grimly amusing job ad in The Times Educational Supplement some years ago:

CHAIR

HIGH VOLTAGE ENGINEERING

Re: Amusing Notices
 

Another sent to me by a friend. He claims it is an actual sign but I am not too sure if this is. Regardless if it is or not, still brings a grin.

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Found out that the local sports channel ABS Sports + Action was showing the Spurs v Juventus Champions League football match early today. Good, but why the annoyingly large PG notice taking up a significant area of the screen at the bottom right corner?

I know that, weirdly, many of the regular ABS-CBN programmes, also show this warning, but didn't think it extended to their sports output.

Are they worried that kids would hear some bad language from one of the team of commentators? Ruud Gullit! Or that some would need to be guided when at the end of 90 minutes the score is still 0-0? Bad tackles or fights on the pitch? Or that kids shouldn't be watching at all at such an early mid week time? What's the thinking? If any?

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It is there for the deaf kids who can lip read.

Re: Amusing Notices
 

..in various European languages!

Looking up the guidance on the TV classifications here, I can't see anything under PG which could apply to football games. Violence isn't prolonged, nudity, sex and drugs are also out. Just maybe horror is applicable as "scary sequences must be mild and brief"! Often not the case with one's team. Spurs fans last night saw a side who sat on a one goal lead, then allowed Juventus two easy runs through their defence to gift them the two goals for victory.

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Seen in Marikina City this morning.
"SEWER WANTED"
Do you think they mean Seamstress?

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They may do, but sewer as "one who sews" also includes males.

The notice's other meaning is very applicable to Boracay these days!

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Saw a board today advertising a new small subdivision to be developed......named "SAMANTHA HEIGHTS". Well, good for her!

The use of HEIGHTS is really overdone around here....none of the three subdivisions I know of locally using that name are on land at all elevated from their surroundings, though at least the general area is elevated. One I know of in Manila is on land flat as a pancake which is prone to flooding and surrounded by a large, mostly level urban area.

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In the local wet market the local council have installed 2 "Certified?" weighing machines a couple of weeks ago for people to check that the sellers are using certified weighing machines. They are inside a locked wire cage with a sign on ( as translated by my wife ) "Please collect key from Barangay hall, for use". Someone had written underneath "Don't bother, they have lost the key"

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While stationary in an Easter traffic jam spotted the Cavite Urban Regional Bank. Abbreviated to C.U.R.B. on their signboard!

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Just driven South on the TPLEX. You have to press the green button to get the travel card. Seems that the dispensing machine is installed backwards as the card comes out on the none roadside and an official hands it to you over the barrier. !!

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A roadside sign advertises "Four cinemas" at a new local Mall. Found one there with four screens...still looking for the other three!

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Update: New signboard says: SAMANTHA HEIGHTS
NOW RISING!

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Not really a notice, but some graffiti in Liverpool made me laugh

Ya Ma's got a baldy head and collects footy stickers

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Not a sign but a hearsay.

Q - "what is the most dangerous thing to do in bed"

A - "Tell the truth"

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Over the last few years there's been rapid growth in the number of restaurants and eating places generally in the S Metro and Calabarzon area. But their names seem to me to get more and more ridiculous.

For example, a new one has opened at the front of one of those smaller supermarket malls on the main highway in Cavite:

In big capital letters: ROMANTIC BABOY

Just the place to take a new date!

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One of those chains springing up all over.

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translated of course means
ROMANTIC PIG

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Seen in big letters on one of those across the road arches when leaving Dasmarinas, Cavite:

"Dasmarinas,.. where love is all there is" Hmm...?

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This one from a Canadian construction site. Two standard issue warning signs were posted over each other, with the net message being:

D A N G E R
--- due to ---
C A U T I O N

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On one of our dive vessels outside the diver chamber was written a sign "If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have got an electrical problem" a practice they unfortunately carried over into their daily operations.

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This was a quote that my wife translated for me. The Philippine version of "Mind over matter" is "If you don't mind then it does not matter"

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I've heard it expressed as " I don't mind and you don't matter "

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On our local Robinsons web page they say that the Mall is closed from March 20th but there are some essential shops/services open like:-
Supermarket - Yes we all need food
2 Chemists - Yes we all need something from there
Bank - Yes we need money
LBC - To some it could be important
And of course the really essential Pizza Hut.

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Yes, normally......but we again couldn't get any bread one day last week in the local grocery and so we got a "buy one take one" family size pizza from them as a substitute.